Soocd engaged

So one of my close friends just got engaged and her fiance broke up with her two months later. She’s devasted and i’ve been seeing her and being there for her. The issue is wheb this type of stuff usually happens you sometimes imagine it happening to you. So when I tried that i didnt feel anything! And so I tried imagining a women leaving me and it hurt like hell. This thought has been consuming me since forever. I know that im someone who’s very emotional so why cant i « get hurt » or feel « hurt » when my fiance does something?! Also i have been struggling with the romantic vs platonic feelings, the aesthetic vs sexual attraction and I unfortunately looked it up on tiktok and it was a huuuge trigger! Specially from lgbtq people saying what they thought was sexual attraction towards boys was just aesthetic. So i then asked chatgpt what he thought of that and yeah it triggered me even more. Tbh when I look at my fiance i find him really good looking, hot and when we get into it its really good like i enjoy sleeping with him (I think? Or soocd talking idk). However when i see him naked I dont have a physical reaction to him if you know what i mean. However and idk why, when i see a naked women I do feel like i have a physical reaction?!!! When i talked to my therapist about it she told me that sexual orientation is complex and we’re all somewhere on the spectrum. I dont mind being on the spectrum but what im scared of is lying about my attraction and love to my fiance just to fit into society and playing a « role ». We’ve been together for 8 years it cant be possible to fake something for that long is it? What im also scared of is for example accepting that my sexuality might be somewhere on the spectrum but once i accept that realising that i was just performative with men and it was all fake… Am i alone in this? Do other people relate to this story?

Sexual Orientation OCD

🫩

Date posted: 6d

You are not alone. I also have a post if you want to see if you relate. You got this.

anonymous00001

Date posted: 16h

I relate a lot to this. I’m engaged to my boyfriend of 10 years. I think it is true that we’re all somewhere on the spectrum! Since we started dating, we both have understood that we’re bi. But neither of us have been with same sex partners. It’s a sort of background fantasy we each have, and we have talked about opening the relationship several times (basically he has offered it to me since I have only had 1 partner). Each time, when it comes down to it, I just simply don’t want to explore. I get kind of grossed out by the idea, or I picture a fork in the road that’s like I either choose him or discover what it feels like to be with a woman. And I choose him. I worry on my worst days that I don’t want to explore because I’m too afraid that I’ll learn something about myself that will damage our relationship. He is my love and my person, and our relationship means everything to me. At the end of the day, our lives are our own responsibility, and there’s no one way to do it perfectly. I have to sit with the uncomfortable possibility that I might be missing out on something or I might regret it later on. However, I will say that my partner knows my feelings and worries and he is also willing to accept the risk. Unfortunately, this does not take away the anxiety completely, but it does allow me to take responsibility for my choices to be honest in this way. I hope my story makes you feel less alone. If you feel comfortable gently broaching the subject with him, perhaps it’s something to consider. Sending love!!

anonymous00001

Date posted: 16h

@anonymous00001 Also, for what it’s worth, the whole comphet conversation online in my opinion has completely gone out of control. As social creatures, we ABSOLUTELY are products of our environment. We absolutely get influenced by the kind of hetero-normative relationships we see around us. But, the nuance here is that even if a small part of your relationship began or is sustained by a societal expectation, it does not make it “fake”. Those are very black and white terms and I see a lot of people struggle with this, and I have also struggled with it. Here’s the other side of the coin: as queerness becomes more mainstream and accepted and dissected, we as humans are also going to be influenced by that societal concept. We try to cram our feelings and relationships into black and white boxes like “lesbian” “straight” “bisexual” “comphet” “straight-passing”, etc because of these societal concepts. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been helpful and progressive as a society to name these things and try to categorize them because before, these kinds of feelings and relationships were punished and destroyed. But…it is my experience and belief that a large majority of humans just don’t fit into clean categories. And it creates a lot of anxiety when we try to do this. It might sound like “oh no…I felt <insert feeling here>, that must negate this entire other human experience I had!” Or “If I’m <this category of person>, that means I CAN’T have <this kind of feeling>.” To me, this is very limiting. If trying on a different label, or exploring a new kind of partner or experience feels empowering to you, maybe try it out. But, if those ideas feel too scary or limiting, the very least you can do is just give yourself some compassion and maybe saying “Hey, I don’t need to punish myself for having these feelings.” Or “I can hold my love for this person AND my feelings or fantasies, one does not have to negate the other” That kind of compassion for yourself will lead you wherever you need to go. You’re a human being having a human experience. ❤️

LiaExe28

Date posted: 23w

Couple of rough days - soocd

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad

polish_germa...

Date posted: 17w

I’m scared I might be more sexually attracted to women and more romantically to men

Hi everyone, I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just need to get this out of my head. Someone recently told me that maybe I’m bisexual — that I might be more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. That bisexuality is not 50/50. And ever since I heard that, I’ve been spiraling. The thing is: I don’t want this to be true. It scares me. I don’t feel romantic attraction to women, I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one. But yes, I get aroused by fantasies involving women — and that makes me feel broken or like I’ve been lying to myself. I love my boyfriend deeply, I don’t want to lose him. I want to feel fully connected to him, physically and emotionally. But now I’m stuck in this obsessive loop of questioning: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m not really straight?” “What if this is why my libido is low?” It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if this is OCD, anxiety, or if something is fundamentally wrong. Has anyone else felt this split — romantic feelings for one gender, sexual feelings for another? I feel so alone and scared. Thanks for listening.

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 15w

Long post ahead- The tie between SOOCD and ROCD

Does anybody else face both SOOCD and ROCD? I feel like it has been an ongoing cycle since January and now its July. This all started over a “should I kiss her” thought when dropping off a friend at home and ever since then, it is ongoing. My reaction used to be to cry and panic, and now its kinda mellowing out which scares me into thinking it could be real (all because my reaction is not what it used to be). I also have been facing sheer panic anytime I face something related to coming out. For instance, I seen a post on social media the other day about a women who came out after 14 years being with a man, after she rekindled a friendship with an old female friend…My head goes “so it could happen to me”. Or for instance, the other day, my grandma gave me a hoodie to give to my mom, or for me to keep for myself if it fit, and of course when she showed it to me, it had a rainbow heart and rainbow draw strings. This immediately sent me into a stomach turning panic. On the other hand, this is causing me to feel like I need to leave my boyfriend because what if I leave him in future anyway because of my sexuality. What if im saving him? This has all stopped me from feeling anything towards him and our relationship and Im scared on what that means. I know a lot of things read that it can cause a mental shut out of emotions, and a disconnect in the relationship, but it is making me feel nothing anymore and im scared that it means its time to let go. Our relationship has been nothing but perfect for 2 years. We barely argue and if we do, it is over quickly. Hes always opening my door, checking on me, taking me to do things to create memories, etc. I know that the honeymoon phase ends quickly but im having a hard time disassociating the difference between honeymoon phase is over, this is normal, or if I should leave him and because of the SOOCD thing or maybe I really am not straight. Thank you to whoever read all this. Im sorry for it being so long.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Soocd engaged

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community