Hocd

I have been going through Hocd for a year now, started when I got an std off a girl and I gained aload of anxiety off this scared that other girls would see me as disgusting. Then when I got it sorted out after 3 months, I tried with a girl and condoms made me soft so I struggled to keep hard and I asked the question in my head does this make me gay. Then next a girl asked me it when I didn’t stay hard. This really messed with my head because all up the years my biggest hate would to be gay as I love being straight and I clearly was but this really messed with my head. Stupid things like not being able to listen to male artists and hyper awareness of bodily functions, did I think someone was goodlooking of the opposite gender, do I want to kiss them. I’d get an increased feeling of anxiety I wouldn’t want to but my head because of this would be like do I. I have a girlfriend at the moment and I always get hard with her when I’m with her I know how I feel and everything but the Hocd really affected my head I did a lot of compulsions and lots of reassurance seeking at the start. A lot of irrational thoughts come into my head. I want to be normal for my girlfirnd because I really do love her and I can tell when I’m out of my head that I’m attracted to women ofc I get the oh am I lying to myself and all this stuff. Any tips on how to help with this?

Sexual Orientation OCD

SBHB

Date posted: 8w

Hey man. I want to let you know you’re not alone in this. I’ve been dealing with HOCD and other forms for roughly 8 years now. I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that I can’t control my reactions to the thoughts. I get pissed off that I’m so angry over the thoughts and if I wasn’t mad or focused so much on them I’d be happy and “normal.” These last couple of years have been learning to accept that while yes, I may have adverse reactions to the thoughts, that doesn’t necessitate that they ruin my day. The thoughts never go away which is fine. That’s something you’ll need to accept. The anxiety never goes way which is fine. What does go away is their control of your actions. Trust me, the “straightest” thing you can do is accept the fact that you have gay thoughts. Having the thoughts doesn’t make you gay, it just makes you human. The less you focus on them and engage, the less they have a sway over you. Sending lots of love over to you man. Go kick some ass ❤️

Celtic123

Date posted: 8w

@Anonymous Thanks for the comment man, was there anything you did to help it as regards to ease it, at times I can be 100% sure and I just mess with my head with the most irrational things ever. I get caught thinking I want these thoughts or I want all of this when I know I absolutely do not.

SBHB

Date posted: 8w

@Celtic123 Yeah. A good tactic I’ve learned is the 5-4-3-2-1. Meaning 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. It helps you get back into the moment and realize the crazy loop you can get yourself stuck in. And the easiest way to look at HOCD is like this: your brain is stuck in a satisfaction loop. It consistently wants you to reassure yourself you’re not gay. But trust me when I say this man, by doing that, you’re never gonna break that loop. To step outta the loop, you need to recognize that the consistent satisfaction you get from giving yourself reassurance is the exact reason why it keeps happening. The brain’s addicted to the high you get and hates it with the lows of not reassuring yourself. It’s like weening off a drug. It takes a lot of time and isn’t a straight shot towards recovery. And recovery isn’t the thoughts dissipating OR the anxiety entirely going away from them. It’s learning to live with both of those things. A side effect is that they bother you less and therefore you don’t get them as often, but that’s not the main goal. You can do it man I believe in you ❤️

Celtic123

Date posted: 8w

@Anonymous Appreciate it massively man. Did you ever get the loop of your brain telling you you wanted to be that way or that you would get a feeling of anxiety and it would make you spiral thinking you wanted this.

SBHB

Date posted: 7w

Yep that’s called obsessions! They occur. You don’t needa give them the time of day. Just thank them for being there and move on. The more attention you give them the worse it’ll get. And it’s not like an on and off switch. Even if you ignore them the anxiety or pain may not go away, but it’ll lessen with time

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 25w

How do y’all deal with this?

I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.

ryan_12

Date posted: 19w

What is this ?

Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.

Mt2019

Date posted: 11w

HOCD can anyone relate?

Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help

Sexual Orientation OCD

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