- Date posted
- 23d
how do i deal with my environment :,)?
I'm currently calming down from an anxiety attack caused by my narcissistic mom. I've been navigating the horrible job market post-graduation for 8 months now, with no luck, even in part-time jobs. So I'm stuck at home with my narc mom who is abusive emotionally and verbally, enabler dad with some anger issues, and codependent younger brother with anger issues. I'm doing the best that I can. I have had things going on for me, such as an unpaid internship and being a researcher. Both unpaid, but good experience in my field. I also got into a master's program, which I will be starting. I also choose to put the job search on my agenda every day and always know I can be better, and edit my profile. Living at home vs college is so different. If we're talking about today, for example, I was doing something. I had my first NOCD therapy session, and it went well. I had a to-do list for the day, I had a filling breakfast, I took a nap, and a shower. I wanted to bake banana bread because I've been forced to eat whatever my mom makes. After all, whenever I try to cook, I feel on edge. After all, she makes the kitchen so disorganized, and I've been too depressed to get myself to cook. Anyways, I have a full day ahead of me and I went to bake the banana bread happily. As soon as I started baking, she asked me if I had applied to the job she sent me on text. I have been greyblocking her because with narcissists, you don't give them your personal information or emotions. Also, the last time I asked for her help in job searching, she screamed at me in front of the recruiter's call that I was a liar and hopeless. So I didn't reply to her and kept baking, and she ended up calling up the recruiter for that job and asking, "Did my daughter apply to this job?" with a nasty grin on her face. It got me so good, which is why I had an anxiety attack. I rushed to her and said, "Keep my name out of your mouth and keep your mouth away from my business" in front of the recruiter, too, because I was so angry and done. She proceeded to push my buttons, which I trained myself not to give in to, but sometimes I mess up. She kept asking the recruiter if there were any other positions I'd be qualified for. She knows, after the whole yelling at me for being a loser incident, that she's not allowed to be part of my job search; I set that boundary. But she always crosses it. I couldn't handle i,t so I resorted to my habit of blasting my AirPods with loud music so I could not hear her and continue baking because I at least wanted to finish baking. I also do this every morning when I'm feeding my pets. Oh, and by the way, the most my dad did (while he saw everything) was say "omg stop". I'm so done with this family. I feel so trapped.