why does this keep happening

I keep having these extreme moods of anger and then with harm ocd coming in, everything just feels super real like the urges and thoughts and feelings and everything. I keep asking Gemini but I know it’s probably only telling me I’m not a narcissistic psychopath or have aspd or I’m a k/ller just hiding or that I know deep down under all this worry that it’s true and I’m just in denial and my ocd was actually just me denying it. Today it’s about this specific time at a restaurant with my family and it might be too long for this post. if anyone sees this and is willing to listen to the story that’d be great.

anxiousandgr...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

Sometimes I would get scared if I had experience moods, asking Gemini is asking for reassurance in all honesty we all have thoughts and this is not for reassurance but if you really wanted to do something it wouldn't trouble you this much remember use the opportunity of those thoughts and those urges coming in to take a deep breath and just let them be there, you are not your thoughts you do not control your thoughts and they keep coming up because you are scared of them. I write this to you also repeating what I need to hear as well. Sometimes I'll find myself checking and even try to joke about the topic but then for a brief second I feel it oh my God why did I just do that but remember to have patience in yourself treat yourself like you would your best friend or your loved one. this is a hard situation so why be hard on yourself.

Summ3r_

Date posted: 5w

@anxiousandgrowing yeah I guess that’s true, thank you sm. cause I try to remember this is just ocd but in the moment it feels like my mind wants me to do it. It’s like with the intense anger and fear mixed in it makes me feel like I’ll do something I regret because of that feeling. and I never do anything bad like that and never have, but then wonder if I’ve been building it up or suppressing it and this is the truth and everything makes sm sense if I actually was just crazy or was a narcissist hiding it or denying it. It just feels too complex to be ocd, but the more it happens the more I realize how much ocd makes things feel real. and I kinda feel dumb falling for the same trap bc this happens sm.. but I’ll try to remember what you said. And I’m glad I’m not the only one using Gemini 😔 I feel bad using it bc it’s bad for the environment and isn’t always accurate but I’m trying to use it less, hopefully one day not at all

anxiousandgr...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

@Summ3r_ I'm completely understand I've been through the exact same experience and sometimes fall into some of the same crap that my OCD tries to feed me and the only thing making it complex is your mind is trying to figure out why it feels a certain way mines are great at putting stuff together even when it doesn't exist it uses everything you've learned which can be a great thing but sometimes it just gets it wrong. The reason it feels real is this because it's trying to keep you safe one thing that OCD has taught me is patience. There is a great podcast that's helping me a lot understanding it's a called disordered, with Josh Fletcher and Drew linsalada it's on YouTube or audible. Highly recommend it. Gemini is just going to feed you what is popular on the internet not necessarily facts. So even though it might help sometimes it can feel confusing it's better to listen to The people that specialize in it. ERP really does work and over time you will see how your mind may feel like it's giving you urges or make you feel doubt but that is how your mind tries to help you to keep you safe.

joshuadrennen

Date posted: 22w

struggling with harm OCD

i’m back in a cycle of having harm related OCD thoughts and feelings and urges and i get these episodes where it’s like i’m disassociating and feel like i’m about to snap and go crazy violent. does anyone else experience this? i need help

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 14w

kind of a rough day

i’m trying to not let the thoughts bother me but it’s just so stressful. even me typing that feels like i’m lying when i know i’m not. i’m scared because even my therapist tells me that it’s just ocd, but in the back of my mind i slightly don’t believe her, and its making me scared that i AM like those people and im gonna act on something. sometimes in social moments i get a quick thought of me being an outcast because im like those people who are sick in the head and act on that stuff, and it just makes me feel like i truly am gonna eventually act on something. another thing that bothered me is earlier my mom yelled at me for not doing school work (it was well deserved im really slacking on it) and i had like no reaction to her screaming. it had me thinking what if i have no empathy etc etc, and what if i get mad that she yelled at me and i do something involving those thoughts. how do i TRULY know it’s ocd? like i try to remind myself and be like “dude, your therapist said it’s ocd, she isn’t wrong” but the back of my mind is like “she is wrong, it’s not ocd and she just happened to misdiagnose you. you are gonna act on those thoughts and it’s your fate”. please someone respond if you read all of this, im really struggling

flowerpetals

Date posted: 13w

word vomit

i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing

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