Am I a bad person for seeking so much help?

I fear my own mind, and the intrusive thoughts and obsessions that come with it. I'm 19 years old and am so scared that I put up so many walls that it comes down to so much that it makes me sometimes spiral. It hurts to show vulnerability. Some of these thoughts involve children, and its especially easy to hurt a child these days with the presence of the internet. I just want to improve and get back to where I was before all of this. I want my life back.

SarahSeeksHelp

Date posted: 5w

I haven't been diagnosed, but I just want to be sure I'm not going insane... I'm sorry if this is too much.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 5w

Hey.Is not too much.I want to say you are not alone..there are so many people that struggle with intrusive thoughts.I am also 19, and I wasn't diagnosed.I understand your fear ...sometimes I am scared I hurt kid because of my intrusive thoughts.You are not going insane..even if you feel like you are

SarahSeeksHelp

Date posted: 5w

But like... it's scary because I could, and possibly have, hurt people due to these thoughts. I can't run away forever, and these thoughts might haunt me forever. I hate that feeling.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 5w

No.I am sorry if it made u think that.You can't hurt someone by having these thoughts , okay? You can't .I am sorry I didn't mention that.And is a scary feeling, but you can overcome them.With therapy.

annarenn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

Hi! Just reaching out to say that I was literally in your shoes at 19, I’m 22 now but didn’t get formally diagnosed until I was 20 and had a huge breaking point in my life where I had no choice but to seek help. POCD is truly a monster of an obsession to have to wrestle with but I’ll say that OCD is throwing this at you because of how distressed it is probably making you. This disorder finds the things that hurt you the most and makes them the loudest things in your mind. If it’s a possibility for you, I suggest that you reach out to a professional who can help you parse through what you’re feeling. (From looking at the other tags I just want to add) I also experienced suicidal OCD and I genuinely do not know if the brain knows how to distinguish between that form of OCD and genuine suicidal ideation. :/ this form of this disorder was my breaking point that I left unaddressed for over a year so I am rooting for you to get through this however you’re able to! Sending you so much support and reminding you that that your loudest thoughts will not stay loud forever. <333

SarahSeeksHelp

Date posted: 5w

tsym 🥺🥺🥺 like i genuinely want to atone for any harm i've caused to people but i fear nobody will believe me if i do seek help and report on it 💔

annarenn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

@SarahSeeksHelp Since I don’t know the specifics of your situation, I’ll say that if there’s actions that you’ve literally done that can be perceived as potentially harmful (speaking from experience) then definitely consult a therapist or professional before taking any next steps like reporting. In the past, my OCD *created* memories of me violating someone that I held so SO much guilt for but, when I discussed it professionally, I realized that I was dealing with a pretty bad case of false memory OCD. Try to look into this subtype a bit more to see if it resonates with your experience! Regardless, you are not irredeemable and you are not a bad person for seeking help/guidance. You deserve the peace that help might bring.

SarahSeeksHelp

Date posted: 5w

@annarenn ... I feel like I am though... I just I feel like I've hurt so many people. And looking back I definitely have I'm hostile, and hurting. I just want help. 😔

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