I am in love with my girlfriend I know it I feel it and think about it all day but I obsess over the fact I may hurt her or maybe I don’t actually like her and I’m only leading her on because I’m evil but I imagine our house in the future and our kids and it makes me feel so warm and good. But then I imagine me breaking her heart and I feel sick.
I'm so sorry you're struggling right now! Here's perhaps more than you were looking for, but I thought this might be helpful. Name the Thought: “That’s an intrusive ROCD thought — not a fact.” Labeling it takes power away from the fear. It doesn’t mean you’re denying responsibility — it means you’re not letting OCD drive your choices. Don’t Engage or Reassure: Avoid trying to figure out if you really love her or if you’re secretly evil. That’s the OCD trap. Instead, you can say: “This doubt is here because I care. I’m allowed to live my values and love her even when the doubt shows up.” Lean Into the Warmth, Not the Fear: Notice how real your feelings are when you imagine a life with her. Let yourself build a relationship with those truths, not the ones OCD offers. Practice Being Present: Try grounding techniques or mindfulness when obsessions strike: noticing the color of her eyes, the sound of her voice, or the joy you feel in small shared moments. A Short Script (for yourself when the fear hits): “I care deeply — that’s why this feels so scary. But I don’t need to prove my love or defend my character to OCD. I choose to live my values, not obey my fear.” If these thoughts are interfering with your peace, working with a therapist trained in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) could be incredibly helpful. Obsession: “What if I don’t really love her?” “What if I break her heart and ruin her life?” “What if I’m just leading her on?” Usual Compulsions: Reassuring yourself (“But I do love her!”) Mentally checking your feelings (“Did I feel warm when I saw her today?”) Ruminating about being a good or bad person Avoiding closeness out of fear you’ll hurt her ERP Exercise: “I Might Be Leading Her On” Exposure Step 1: Choose a statement that triggers discomfort Pick one of the following intrusive thoughts and write it down (or say it out loud repeatedly for 2–5 minutes): “Maybe I’m just leading her on and don’t really love her.” “Maybe I’m going to break her heart and I won’t be able to stop it.” “Maybe I’m evil and this is all fake.” “Maybe I’m the worst kind of person — someone who pretends to love someone just to feel good.” Note: You’re not trying to believe it — you're allowing the uncertainty without fighting it. Step 2: Sit with the discomfort As the anxiety rises, notice: Where you feel it in your body The urge to “figure it out” or reassure yourself The part of you that wants to run from it Don't try to fix or argue. Say: “This thought can be here. I can feel uncertain and still choose to love.” Repeat daily. You might feel a spike in distress at first — this is good. It means you’re facing the fear rather than feeding the loop. Optional Response Prevention (the RP in ERP) After doing the exposure, refrain from doing any of the following: Asking friends for reassurance Googling OCD or relationship doubts Checking your feelings or re-reading texts for evidence of love Mentally reviewing her “good qualities” to prove to yourself you care Instead, practice values-based action: Send a kind message Plan something fun Hug her and allow love even with doubt in the room A Mantra You Can Use: “Love is a choice, not a feeling I need to prove. I choose to stay open — even with fear.” I hope this is helpful.
@Carrie Wells I appreciate that a lot thank you I’ll practice all of this
I know I love my fiancé so much. The 5 years we have been together have been the best of my life, yet I am questioning everything all the time. The constant doubts and fears and negative thoughts about him are so loud and so persistent. It feels like this will never end
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.
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