is this rocd?

i think i’m struggling with rocd but the thoughts feel so much more different than they have before. i was just wondering if the thoughts i’m going to list are also the thoughts other have had, and if so, do you have any tips to manage them? my thoughts are: “do i love my boyfriend?” “i don’t love him” “what if you don’t love him?” “i do love him” “is he the one?” “is he attractive?” “does that give you the ick?” “is this character trait of his bothersome?” “because this happened it means we aren’t compatible” “you need to break up with him” “do you want to break up with him?” “do you want to marry him?” i was just wondering because i feel so tired from trying to overcome them, that they’re just now starting to feel true. and just thoughts im gaslighting myself or that my thoughts are real and i really don’t love my boyfriend

Relationship OCD

Ghost333

Date posted: 8w

Hey, I just want to say you're definitely not alone. I also have OCD, and I’ve experienced a lot of those exact same thoughts. ROCD can be especially exhausting because it targets something so personal and important — our relationships — and makes us question what should feel safe. What’s helped me (though I’m still learning, too) is reminding myself that these thoughts don’t have to mean anything about my actual relationship. They’re mental noise fueled by doubt and anxiety. I’ve had every one of the thoughts you listed, and sometimes they still come up. What’s wild is they feel so real — especially when I’m drained or overwhelmed — but that doesn’t mean they’re the truth. I try to remind myself that relationships aren’t supposed to be constant bliss. We’re human, and our partners are too. There will be differences, annoyances, moments of disconnect — and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean love isn’t there or that something is wrong. One thing that helps me manage is being open with my partner in a gentle way — like saying, “Hey, I’m feeling mentally heavy right now, it’s not about you, I just need a little patience and maybe some reassurance.” (remember not to get sucked into this reassurance habit though) I don’t go into every intrusive thought, just enough so they understand I’m going through a hard mental patch. And like you said — when the thoughts start to feel true, that’s usually when I know it’s time to pause and check in with myself or my therapist. That tired, hopeless feeling is usually OCD burnout, not clarity. You’re not alone in this. Be kind to yourself — even just recognizing and naming what you’re going through is a huge step. 💛

meow10

Date posted: 8w

@Ghost333 thank you so much!! it’s just hard because it doesn’t feel like it’s rocd, but i’m glad to know that it is, yk? i just start to feel like that the thoughts are true and i really don’t love him. but you’re right about it being a hard mental patch and that i should seek out more help!!

Maeday

Date posted: 8w

OCD burnout. Thank you for putting a term to what I'm feeling. When you say you don't go into every intrusive thought, but just enough, what does that look like for you. I'm trying to find a good balance with my husband.

Ghost333

Date posted: 8w

@Maeday I just let my partner now im not mentally okay right now and that I may need some space, or vice versa i need real quality time out in the world. Everyone is different, but for me sometimes going somewhere new with my partner, taking a day trip, it gets my mind off of these dark ocd thoughts and back into the reality. Those quality times also allow me to realize the love I do have for my partner and that my intrusive thoughts are just tricking me into ruining the one genuine thing I have. Or... I need alone time. I need to sleep and step away to not feel so overwhelmed. Maybe get lost in a hobby, play some video games, watch my favorite show. I try not to tell my partner my exact thoughts because it leads into that constant habit of needing reassurance which actually will tend to make ocd thoughts worse. Reassurance feels good for the moment but long term you start relying on the need for being reassured and becomes a more common occurrence. Im not a pro, im still figuring it all out, but this is the best advise I have. We have to remember our partners are human with feelings to. If we tell them every bad thought or doubt that hurts them... or if we withhold what we're going through or leave them hanging that hurts them too. We need to find the nice middle to keep them in the loop without letting them in our our thoughts that may or may not be true (remember, sit with the unknown). Sorry for the rambling !!!

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 18w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

Mariabae

Date posted: 11w

my chest hurts.

feel like I’ve been stuck in this ROCD cycle for so long that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Everything feels so heavy and confusing. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t love him,” “I never really did,” “I’m just used to him,” or “I’m staying out of guilt or fear.” They come with a strong emotional pull that makes it feel like I’m finally facing some ‘truth’ — but I don’t even know what that truth is. Even when things are going well with my boyfriend — when he’s loving, caring, affectionate — I still feel disconnected, like I can’t feel love or calmness. And then I feel guilty for not feeling what I think I should feel. I overthink everything: memories, how I used to feel, how I feel now, what I might feel tomorrow. I can’t tell if I’m just scared to lose him or if I’m trying to force something that isn’t there. I’ve read so much about ROCD and I know I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts and let them pass, but sometimes they feel so real that I don’t know how to keep going. Sometimes I even feel numb and that scares me too — like if I don’t react with panic, it must be true. I just want peace. I want clarity. I want to stop analyzing and doubting every moment. Has anyone else felt this way? How do you sit with this and not spiral? Thank you so much for reading. 💔

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