...

Before, I was scared to die, but now that’s my only wish. I’m not suicidal, and I could never do that to myself. But I wish God would just take my life already. I wish I had never been born. I hope God gives this life to someone more deserving, not me. I can’t live like this — waking up every day with blasphemous thoughts about God. I don’t want to hurt or disrespect Him anymore with these thoughts. I don’t even know if it’s OCD anymore. It feels like it’s just me. Maybe it was all me from the start. That’s why I don’t want to live this life anymore.

Focd

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 6d

I’ve been there before. I had those feelings of not wanting to be here. You’re not alone. We have to have faith in Jesus. We have to look to Him for our strength because we know we are far too weak. I know it’s a challenging road but remember you’re not on it alone. I felt so lonely and helpless so many days and nights, but now I understand I’m never alone. I have plenty of people with me and most importantly Jesus is with me.

OneDayAtATimee

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d

It definitely is OCD if you’re obsessing over it and doing compulsions 👍 If God is perfect- he knows his intentions behind his creations. If God doesn’t make mistakes like people say, then that means God’s creation of OCD wasn’t a mistake either. Why did he allow OCD? No clue. I don’t know why we were created to suffer… but my point is that God of all people should be understanding of how OCD and intrusive thoughts work and that they’re not our fault. They come to us automatically since that’s how he made us be born. I totally understand where your pain comes from, but it doesn’t make sense for us to blame ourselves for how God made us. That was his design, not ours. I’m sure lots of us wish we could re-create our lives, whether we can could our looks, our mental health, our physical health, our family, what country we were born in, etc. But a lot of that is out of our control. That is God’s planning. All we can do is work on our self-compassion and ERP, which will bring us in another direction towards a better life

anonbeom

Date posted: 6d

Hey. i have the exact same thing you do. intrusive thoughts about God and Jesus. We love them and thats why the thoughts get to them. i know im not helpful but i do know we can get over this with their love and guidance. its a hard journey but i know that their love will triumph all.

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d

This is very typical for us with OCD. I've had thousands of conversations with myself just like what you described, especially at night as I'm going to sleep.... God loves you unconditionally. I know we're not supposed to research as a compulsion, but do a little research on "unconditionally". Yep, God loves you unconditionally. :-)

dallia

Date posted: 5d

Thank you so much everyone! 💗

Skullschit

Date posted: 26d

I want to die! 51 years

I really want to die The only thing that keeps me here are my children I can't do that to them... But the torture is unreal... My quality of life is destroyed ritual after ritual after ritual. It's like I have two minds. I want to be normal but the other side of my mind says no! I will not let you be freaking normal You will obey my command and do your rituals everyday out of fear! I can't take it anymore I really just want to die! I pray to God everyday but there hasn't been any answers from him. I'm a devout Christian and a Jesus follower. Where is my Savior? Why does God and Jesus keep on letting us live this way through torture? I feel like I'm a blasphemer for saying that, I'm done I need help! Like we all do!

dallia

Date posted: 14d

terrified

I feel so hopeless right now. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired of living with this constant fear and guilt. I keep thinking that God is angry with me and that I’m being punished. I’m terrified that I’ve committed blasphemy—especially against the Holy Spirit—and that I’m going to hell. Yesterday, because of my OCD-driven curiosity, learning more about my faith—especially about the Trinity—has left me mentally exhausted and deeply confused, like I’m losing my grip on reality. The thought that God might already be punishing me only makes everything feel heavier. I’ve been breaking down since yesterday and struggling with intense anxiety. Even trying to pray scares me, because I feel like God is so mad at me. Deep down, I’m afraid I might be beyond forgiveness. I feel completely lost and terrified.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

...

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community