Should I cut contact w this guy friend

Long story short he’s one of many subjects of my ROCD intrusive thoughts (i’m in a committed relationship) but we were once decent friends in college. We’re mutuals online bc we’re both artists. I recently ran into him while visiting campus, tried to reach out to catch up and got ghosted after expressing that I can sense he doesn’t care for the friendship (he kept flaking and I’m worth more than that lol). Told my bf, he seems indifferent . But he also doesn’t know how bad my ROCD can get. Should I just cut the dude off? I feel that’d provide a quick temporary relief from the ROCD problems, but I also am sad for the friendship. He helped and supported my bf and I’s relationship when no one else did. Plus he’s not the source of the ROCD, my brain is. Cutting out every trigger won’t fix it.

Relationship OCD

chaitea

Date posted: 12w

If someone is ghosting you, that sounds like they’re not returning energy or interest toward the relationship, and I think that’s a normal reason to let it go. Relationships should be mutually energizing and actively desired by both parties. It sucks, but it seems like you can keep them around on social media and deal with another trigger, one that wouldn’t otherwise be fulfilling in your life without the OCD or cut off the unnecessary and unfulfilling trigger. With this in mind, I don’t think you would be cutting him off for an ROCD reason but, rather, why keep someone around who exacerbates an issue if there wouldn’t be a reason to keep investing in them even without the OCD? I’d totally advocate for working through the trigger if it was an otherwise fulfilling relationship that could be maintained.

Chibee

Date posted: 12w

@chaitea Nah you’re totally right. I’m just sad to cut off the friendship. I’ve lost so many friends recently, I didn’t want to lose another one. His good friend (who I actually am in contact with) defended him saying he forgets to respond, but who forgets to respond to a serious message where someone expresses concern that he doesn’t care? I am a bad texter but I always respond to serious messages with urgency. I will cut him off, it’s just not healthy for me and it’s diverting energy from my partner.

chaitea

Date posted: 12w

@Chibee Yes! I think the issue here is the guy does not possess the necessary attributes we generally expect in a friend for whatever reason, which does not make him a bad person but simply not a compatible or maintainable friend. He may be overloaded with other commitments, but that does not change that this dynamic is not working out, even if he’s justifiably bogged down. I’m also a busy person and a poor responder but love my friends and recognize contexts in which a quick response is important if I want to maintain those relationships, which are just as important to me as my work.

Chibee

Date posted: 12w

@chaitea Perfectly said. Even a simple heart on the message would’ve indicated to me I was acknowledged, instead, nothing. All while I catch him watching my stories online. Friendships can be tough! But I’m hoping I can forget about him and my brain will stop using him to fuel my OCD. I appreciate all the advice 🫶🏻♥️

Fruitsnacks

Date posted: 12w

I mean if he is ghosting you, it seems like he made the choice for you to cut him off

Chibee

Date posted: 12w

@My OCD Academia Yeah almost certainly, but in similar situations like this in my past the moment I pull the plug the other person goes crazy and suddenly they care. Like they enjoy the benefits of treating me like crap but the moment I set a boundary I’m the villain. So I guess sometimes I hold on longer than I should as damage control. :/

Anonymous

Date posted: 9w

ROCD friendships

My best friend hasn’t spoken to me in months. It triggered some symptoms that I now realize fall along the lines of ROCD. It’s making me behave in a way that chased my other friends away. I’m feeling very hopeless and guilty.

Relationship OCD

Whatabtme

Date posted: 6w

Rocd triggered, ran into guy I have history with

Ocd sucks. I’m at a stay away multiple days long event for school rn and ran into someone I used to talk with. We had a will they won’t they kind of thing for years and knew each other all growing up. I knew when we were really young that he had a crush on me for a while. And then when we got older there were times I had a crush on him but I don’t think he liked me anymore at that point. I never fully knew where he stood because he often was in a relationship or living somewhere else. Because we never dated or kissed or anything, only hung out on ambiguous date-like occasions, there has always been that what if sitting there for me and I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since before I met my current partner years ago. Well they happen to be at this place I’m staying at, where we are in the same places everyday, and I ran into them, said hi and caught up for a bit. It has totally triggered my ROCD in a way I’ve never experienced. I feel guilt and shame and keep having intrusive thoughts that are so extreme and catastrophic like what if I leave my partner of 8 years for him, what if I find him more attractive than my partner, what if I cross a line while I’m interacting with him this week, what if I’m a terrible girlfriend to my partner and a fraud??

Relationship OCD

Mk3

Date posted: 29d

ROCD

Should I feel guilty about being friends with someone I used to hangout with before my partner? This guy hangs out with my friends so it’s hard to avoid him. And then feelings happen and I’m learning that my feelings don’t have to hold significance. Should I feel guilty I’m like why do I still like to be around guys Maybe this is just life. I’m going to see these people. Idk

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Should I cut contact w this guy friend

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