Recently my ocd keeps asking me if I love my boyfriend enough and that if I don’t love him enough I should breakup with him. It’s really bothering me and idk what to do about it. Sitting in the uncertainty is too much and I fear sitting with it too long I’m just gonna crack and give in to a compulsion.
If this topic is important to you, maybe try to write a list of everything you like about him? Perhaps that’ll help reframe your perspective for now
hello there, i see your post and want to give you some tips. i’m still struggling a lot with sitting in uncertainty, as i just made a post. but my best advice for you when your spiraling- switch your focus. ground yourself and tell yourself your thoughts don’t define you, bc they don’t. they’re just thoughts. and your anxiety is manipulating them to making them seem urgent and dangerous. nothing is urgent. the reason your having them is because you care about him. it’s super hard, trust me, but the fog will pass and you will clear up: just switch your focus. best of luck!
I am so sorry - I know how hard this is. I am 35. When I was 19 I broke up with my then boyfriend probably about 15 times for this same reason (didn’t know it was ocd at the time). 16 years later we are married with a kid on the way. Hang in there and know that it is just the OCD, not how you really feel. Can you open up to your boyfriend about the ocd?
@Anonymous Yes my boyfriend knows all about my ocd. Sometimes he’ll even notice when I’m in a spiral and bring me out of it. How is your ocd now? Like after all these years? Cause I didn’t start noticing n my ocd until I was 19 and now I’m 20 almost 21 and it’s definitely gotten better but still sucks like crazy.
@Secretidentity I’m glad he knows about it! It’s funny mine kinda got better on its own after awhile but in the last couple of years it’s been back, in other forms. So im switching from a regular therapist to an ocd specialist to start focusing on ocd treatment
@Secretidentity And yes, definitely sucks!!!
@Anonymous I’ve been going to an ocd therapist and I definitely have noticed I’ve gotten better but it’s feels very up and down progress
I’m on the same boat atm , I feel like I’m spiraling and I’m having a hard time getting out of it. Definitely seek some help!! I have my first session today so I’m hoping for the best. What you can do is write everything out , even if you have to do it over and over again just to let the thought out. Maybe doing a guided meditation to ground you & help you relax your mind. Sending love to you ! We’re gonna get through this!
@Anonymous Don’t give into the compulsion either because if you didn’t care about him you wouldn’t be here like all of us are. We care about our partners, we’re just going through a rough patch.
@Anonymous I completely agree with what your saying. I just feel guilty that he knows whole heartedly no doubt he wants to be with me forever and I’m over here thinking do I love him enough.
@Secretidentity I’m on the same boat as you. I did some journaling just now, maybe you can write some stuff out like things that he does that maybe bother you? Then maybe try to think well “Is that a good reason to leave?” Then maybe write out some stuff you do like about him & try to just write out whatever comes up. I heard journaling is really good for OCD so if you haven’t tried yet, do it. You do love him enough, you are just fighting back and forth in your mind but you do. Whether our anxiety is fighting with us telling us we don’t , we do!!
@Anonymous I haven’t tried journaling before. But on Sunday my therapist recommended it so I’m gonna try as do it today when I get home from work. Work actually gave me a journal today because they had an extra one so I’m kinda taking that as a sign for healing and to work on myself more then I have been. I’m proud of you for journaling and working on yourself!
@Secretidentity Definitely try it, if not everyday maybe every other day. I wish you the best and if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here!! We can help eachother & thank you!! We’re on our way to healing ourselves !
@Anonymous Thank you! Same goes for you!
@Anonymous I’m journaling now because I didn’t wanna wait till I got home.
@Secretidentity That’s amazing !!! Write out whatever comes to your mind, whether you think it’s bad or good, it’s better to let it out thank to keep it in!! Good job
Flagged as triggering to be safe I’ve never been in a real relationship before… you can guess why lol. But I really want the one I’m in to work out. Still I can’t help but be scared that I don’t actually have feelings for him. I’m scared that I’m leading him on? And I’m scared because I can no longer identify what’s real and what’s ocd. To make matters worse we went on winter break from college and we are long distance so I went from seeing him every day and now I haven’t seen him for four weeks. I’m going to see him in two days and I was trying to lay out an outfit that he would see me and think “wow” in. But I started to wonder, am I doing this cause I like him or because I just want him to like me and I don’t have feelings for him. I feel like a terrible person. The combo of no relationship experience plus the ocd plus winter break is distressing. (We’ve been together three going on four months)
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
I can’t stop thinking to myself “what if I don’t love her” but deep down I know I love her and that’s why I’m getting pissed off with these unwanted thoughts because it’s putting doubt in my head when in reality I love her what should I do?
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