Just turned 20, and im feeling sm dread

I turned 20 years old today. Ive been reflecting a lot. Since ive joined this app ive been an ever changing person. Which is good i want to change i want to be good but i still feel the same inside. Especially when i feel like this. Feel of dread an anxiety. This sense of foreboding i hate. I just feel so sad. I didn’t have good teenage years. Ive just been sad since it began and now thats its over i dont know what to expect. Im scared. Im no longer a child im a full fledged adult. Everything feels so far away but everything still hurts. Im scared for my future but looking ahead at the same time. What do i do now that im 20? Do i drop my interests? Move out? I dont know i feel like i need to do something. I dont want to spiral but i feel so much dread. I dont know what to do.

Young adults with OCD

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 19h ago

Hey, i also turned 20 recently. About a month ago now and I know what you mean. Its scary. I get thoughts like "What should i expect? Teenage years felt wasted and bad. Everyone is moving ahead and i feel behind." But the truth is... everyone's story is different. You're just in a different chapter in your life. You don't have to drop interests so soon. They're interesting to you now for a reason. What i like to do sometimes is reflect like over the years... even if I feel i haven't done much with my life i HAVE somewhat matured. For example, how i handle some things now compared to my younger self. Instead of dropping interests, why not get new hobbies? Seek to gain, not lose what you like. If you feel ready to move out, then you can start finding a way. If not? No worries! (Unless your circumstances are dire) truth is, yes, our teenage years are over and they were terrible. But that chapter is now closed. Its over. And its time to read the next. We cant ever be sure whats coming next but know it's a fresh start and you're in control of your own life. Sending hugs and happy bday ❤️‍🩹

ughhhh

Date posted: 19h ago

@Andi 🤓☝️ This message was so kind and actually chilled me out a bit. I need to remember i control my life and new things arent always scary. Thanks for reminding me of that:,)

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 19h ago

@ughhhh No problem! I'm happy it helped you. :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h ago

23 year old here!! I was in a similar boat; my teenage years were miserable and I hated the thought of leaving them behind with nothing to show for it. But dude. Adulthood rocks. I get to decide what I eat, and when I eat it. I get to choose where I go, and when. If I’m driving somewhere and I see a scenic overlook or a cool place I want to check out, no one can tell me not to (unless I am on my way to an appointment or work or class but like otherwise? It’s all me!!). You can still hold on to the parts of being a kid that bring you joy. I l still sleep with stuffed animals, and have a lanyard with skateboarding dinosaurs on it, and my shower loofah is a unicorn. Because guess what!? No one can stop you from being whimsical and silly in those ways, either!! Being an adult is strange and new, but not bad. Happy birthday, and do something small just for yourself to celebrate!! You can do that now!!!

RudyA

Date posted: 20h ago

Happy birthday hopefully things are going well for you so how's was ur birthday?

ughhhh

Date posted: 19h ago

@RudyA It went alright i spent time with ny family and got many birthday wishes from friends i think i need fo focus more on those positive things rather ny negative thoughts :,)

RudyA

Date posted: 19h ago

@ughhhh Yeah it's always a good thing to focus on positive things I also sometimes struggle with having thoughts like what if I'm doing is right or wrong but I'm glad your doing better so wyd?

RudyA

Date posted: an hour ago

@ughhhh So what other things does ocd put you through?

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 5h ago

Growing up is scary but its also exciting. To answer your question, you do what ever the hell you want. Im 34, i got married when i was 30 ( most people consider that late, for me? it was perfect) i took 10 years to get my 4 year degree, i don't have kids ( most people consider that weird, idc, i dont' want them) i still dress up for Halloween, I still read vampire romance books, i still LOVE Harry Potter. I still dress kinda like a teenage. Life is yours to live. I had REALLY wild 20s. do i wish i had been more stable and gotten the 4 year degree IN FOUR YEARS? sure, do i wish i maybe hadn't been such a wild party animal? sure, i hurt some people, i hurt myself, i don't love that those things happened but I'm not sad about them, they formed me into who i am today which is someone i love. Sweetheart, you are 20... that's a BABY. you can't even legally drink yet lol. You're too young to worry about anything so big. ( i didn't move out until i was 26). The world is your oytster, enjoy it!

King silly

Date posted: 24w ago

I turn 17 in two days

I turn 17 in two days and I’ve been in a panic that I’ll still have attraction to 14 year olds, because I actually do not know if I do or not, I just can’t tell. I don’t know how I’m gonna tell. idk if I will or not, and it’s all super confusing to what I really want, it’s like “do you like 14 year olds at that age??” And I say no? But it feel like I’m also lying, and that I actually do? idk what to do? My brain keeps justifying it to be fine cuz it’s only three years but I really don’t like that, so I’m worrying that I will feel attracted

POCD

catnipppp

Date posted: 16w ago

existential crisis

Really bad theme right now is death, I keep thinking about how one day or at any moment my heart will stop my brain will stop & my memories & everything I know will all fade away. It is giving me so much anxiety I’m only 18, but I realize it all happens to us it is bound, we are born to die. I know it’s a silly thing to be scared because it’s not helping the quality of my life worrying about it and even when I do die, I won’t care , if you don’t have a working brain then how can you care 🤷‍♀️. It is tainting my everyday life currently & honestly making me terribly depressed & it is giving me derealization & making me feel nihilistic, I’ll remind myself it’s okay but then with my ocd i don’t stop thinking and thinking about it and it’s seriously so hard to stay present in the moment because this thought just feels like I can’t scrub it away it’s miserable I struggle with religion, but I do pray to anything that’s out there possibly listening, because it is comforting, it just feels like this whole experience Is pointless & I am afraid of the unknown and what is to possibly happen but I’m subjected to it anyways so why should it matter

Infectedpick...

Date posted: 10w ago

Everyday is a constant cycle of regret and misery

Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.

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Just turned 20, and im feeling sm dread

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