Im only 20 and Ive been crying. I am not diagnosed with OCD yet but it lines up. I'm so scared its not, these physical sensations and urges are so horrible and I just wanna hide myself from this earth. It feels so real. I'd rather not feel any arousal than experience it, no matter if its something I like or not. I want to be free from this hell.
I understand what you're saying :( As someone who also deals with POCD, it's scary and sometimes it makes it hard differentiate real thoughts and OCD intrusive thoughts. I'm 23 and have been dealing with it since I was about 19 and one thing I constantly remind myself of is that my immediate reaction to those intrusive thoughts is "hey I really don't like that and it makes me uncomfortable" and that's a, I guess I could say, soothing reminder that those thoughts aren't me!!!! If I hate those things so much and I don't want them to be me and I know I don't normally feel those things until the OCD intrusive thoughts show up, then all of that tells me that it's just OCD. I know you're scared and worried you might be a bad person, but I can assure you that you're not a bad person at all, and you're not alone in those thoughts and feelings! You're going to be okay <3
thanks, its been happening to me since february (this specific theme) Initially I felt nothing, all were my thoughts, but then I began hyperfocusing on specific intrusive thoughts and now I began to experience physical sensations and all it ends is either me testing said compulsion, or do nothing but cry. This is the most nightmarish thing I have ever experienced
@HOY I get that :( I experience weird bodily sensations too, which I hate, but I know it's because the brain can sometimes get intrigued by new, taboo concepts. It's hard to experience on a day-to-day basis, but I know for me once I got to the point where I could say "hey that's not me because I know I hate it and I know I wouldn't feel this way if I didn't have these random intrusive and obsessive thoughts" it calmed me down a lot. Plus coming onto this app makes me feel validated for sure. I hate hearing that people experience what I do, too, but I at least know that I'm not alone in it, you know?
@limabeanie I agree, I felt understood when I installed this application, and its pretty alieviating. Theres times I wonder if I don't belong on here, or if I'm not telling enough or that I dont really have OCD, and just denial. But then I see people having that too. Its horrific
@HOY I completely understand where you're coming from, and tbh, I have moments where I feel the exact same way. OCD is such a confusing thing to deal with :( you definitely don't need to say anything you're not comfortable saying, but remember that this app is a nice safe space for all of us who deal with similar things in different forms. You're enough, you're doing great, and you are a good person! Self-affirmation is a great place to start when those scary thoughts come up (at least that's what I do for myself!!) and I feel like the more you do it, the more you might feel better when the thoughts come and go <3 <3 you got this!
@limabeanie thank you so much š
Youāre not alone. I havenāt been diagnosed yet and have my first NOCD appointment in May but all signs point to POCD. I am exhausted because I have been dealing with this since this last September and only recently learned it could be OCD. I am a dad as well so itās debilitating for me. As of late my OCD has been trying to convince me that the feelings of anxiety I feel in triggering situations are actually arousal. Itās terrifying and exhausting. In the times I refrain from doing compulsions the anxiety eventually fades and almost feels silly when I look back on it, but it takes a lot of effort to refrain. I am hopeful that ERP through NOCD will help.
its so sad when i first learn about POCD that parents are among the sufferers, I hope all goes well, atleast you and I know we are not alone
@HOY Thank you!
I totally relate to this. Itās absolutely hell
had ocd for years but got diagnosed today, its a nuisance that never leaves your mind alone
@HOY Same. Iāve been misdiagnosed since I was a kid. Iām 35
@Jesusislord03$ misdiagnosed?
Itās always just been adhd, depression, anxiety. Never specifically OCD. But now it all makes sense
same
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young š« I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
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