so i start therapy tomorrow. but bro it’s just getting worse and im so scared. like the thoughts are getting more frequent and i genuinely feel evil and i hate it. i keep thinking what if i do it and im scared im eventually gonna. i’m scared i give off a creepy vibe or im lying to myself or others. please tell me is this ocd? do i need to be actually worried? i’m really freaking out
Hi, I am glad you sharing some of the things your worried about and going through. Even though I am an OCD specialist, I cannot diagnose you through a post, but I will say that everything you shared does fall in line with OCD. OCD creates doubts and fears that can feel very, very real and very urgent to "figure out right now." As hard as it may be, I would try and just remind yourself that you have an appointment tomorrow and will be able to discuss these fears with your therapist (hopefully it is a NOCD therapist or other type of OCD therapist who is specially trained to diagnose and work with OCD as its important to get specialist help for OCD). Once you are able to share these fears and get a diagnosis I think that will help tremendously as a starting point. Then, you will have the opportunity to work through these fears. ERP works! I see it work every day and see people get better every day. Just hang in there, and attend your appointment tomorrow. You will get some clarity and then be able to discuss next steps with your therapist.
I start my first session tomorrow as well, I'm excited but also scared. No matter what is said you are you, worrying isn't going to change anything. You are taking the steps needed to learn these things and adjust, trust the process. It sounds like intrusive thoughts are bulling you. I try to remind myself that you're not responsible for what you think because you don't consciously generate thoughts. Its how you act on and handle yourself with those thoughts. When I have any harsh interaction with myself I also try and go for a walk or read a book, something physical with feel and smell to keep my thoughts focused on and grounded in reality. I hope that helps some, I'm no therapist myself but I can relate so I felt I had to comment.
@Austin Miller thank you man. i’m gonna try that last part
If you need a book recommendation I just started reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Some very good perspective on thought paths, worrying, intrusive thoughts, and overthinking.
And also remember that, speaking as both a therapist who works with OCD, and someone who has OCD, your therapist has heard these things before, and you will not shock or horrify them. They will hold your fear with compassion, and let you know you're not alone, because the reality is that you're not alone. I promise you this. You are not alone, and you are not the only one who has felt this way.
@ptoriole82 thank you❤️
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.
i’m so scared im going to lose control and end up locked up or something. this is so exhausting!! i worry that what i have isn’t OCD and that im genuinely insane and im gonna end up in big trouble or that the urges i have are going to actually happen. i dont want to think these things ! i feel like a horrible human being!!
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