I need this to end.

I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2d ago

Hi There, I know this is a very difficult time for you and I know that testing this situation may make you feel temporarily better. However, it is important to be able to sit with the anxiety rather than try and solve this. ERP can really help with this and I would recommend checking out NOCD for ongoing ERP so that you can conquer this fear! It is important to know that these feelings are normal within the context of OCD. The more you try to "figure this out" the harder it gets. I know this is hard and you may feel alone. NOCD is here to help!

geodrimilis

Date posted: 2d ago

@Eric Llorente Is testing my body’s reactions pointless

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2d ago

@geodrimilis Testing reactions would actually be compulsive so that would be something your therapist would help you stop doing !

Ms.shelovesf...

Date posted: Yesterday

@geodrimilis Heyyyy I remember commenting on your post and I wanted to tell you I'm way better and 90% recovered from soocd (I'm not trying to put that in your face, I'm trying to say it can get way better, to almost/being non existent again!!!!!!) don't give up fah. I remember months ago because of it I couldn't be around people, I couldn't leave the house or be around family member, I stopped going to functions, I couldn't go to med school because of it even tho I got admission. This is how so-ocd be and I get how it can still be there and make you question if it's ocd in the moment (even after a diagnosis). The fact reassurance and all your psychologist told you doesn't shut it, shows its ocd....erp!!! And/or meds is the holy grail... I SAID IT CAN GET WAY BETTER(I struggled with this first hand so trust me on this fah😂)... I've "tested" and engaged in compulsions...if you're not on meds, you could see a psychiatrist... meds would stop and silence the intrusive thoughts and make not engaging in compulsions easier...and yeah ocd doesn't change sexuality...all it can do is make you doubt but once you recover, trust you won't have so much distress with this theme even tho it comes back because you already dealt with it and would know how to

Ali$t@ir2021

Date posted: 2d ago

Amen! I do not want to be with girls! I have never liked them or been interested in anything beyond friendship with them but OCD won’t stop trying to convince me otherwise. I have always liked men. Fall in love with my husband was so natural it felt like breathing. This is awful and I need it to stop. I miss ME. Not this terrified nervous wreck I’ve become.

FroggyBerry177

Date posted: 2d ago

I’ve been recently dealing with this too and it’s tiring trying to fight the thoughts.

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d ago

I understand how stressful and confusing and horrible it feels when OCD tries to convince you something is true when you know it isn’t. The hard part is, the more you fight it or try to convince yourself otherwise, the OCD will stay sticky and loud. Learning to tolerate and accept the doubt will help you tremendously. ERP therapy can get you there. There is hope, I promise. 💙

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

This is a fairly common OCD theme. I really like something Keven McGrath (sp?) wrote earlier. He talked about having tinnitus. He always has a ringing in his ears. He really kind of hates it, but he has learned to just let it buzz away in his head while he goes about his life. This is a great analogy for OCD. No matter what the theme, we just have to learn to let it buzz in the background while we go on LIVING our lives. I have religious OCD. I hate this OCD. I don't like having negative thoughts about God always in the background. I love God. Why would I have negative thoughts? I also don't like the negative feelings that chase me around all day. However, I just have to let those things be there. And then I can go out and LIVE. And things can get better one day. The same is true for you. You can just let the OCD be there. You are clearly not gay. So don't even consider it or try to figure out anything else. Just go live your life! And don't sweat the OCD. The more you do this, the easier it gets.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

Have you heard of ERP therapy? ERP can help you get your life back, and get you back to the gym and back with your friends. Stephen Smith was in college when OCD took over his life. He started out as a football quarterback, but he ended up being stuck in his room and never able to come out. He tried different therapies, but it was ERP that got him back into college classes and back to football. He founded NOCD with the vision that every person like him could have access to ERP therapy. I highly recommend you use NOCD or another place who can train you in ERP therapy. It will help. You can get your life back!! In the meantime, I also recommend Nathan Peterson on YouTube. He also teaches ERP. I'll link his video on that theme of OCD below. It shows how you are totally not alone in this particular struggle, and there's definitely hope!! https://youtu.be/clOlsecReow?si=Aqtb9QrchqLvmC56

ejpwolfpack

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey man just wanted to say I’m also a male that used to be girl crazy and has gotten his world flipped upside down by this theme. I’m 20 y/o and have so much I wanna do in life but this theme holds me down. Symptoms are so damn confusing and can feel so real and true. I was like you, I never questioned who I was and was always chasing women

Dead girl wa...

Date posted: 25w ago

I’m confused

Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.

Sexual Orientation OCD

MemyselfandI0

Date posted: 14w ago

I want my life back

I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w ago

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

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