lonely

My pocd makes me feel really lonely. I have friends who I love but they also struggle with mental health too, and when I'm there to listen and support them sometimes it's just too much and I feel like a bad friend. I can't help but feel like it's not the same, I know you can't compare your struggles to others but sometimes when my friend is telling me how they feel a lack of motivation and depressed I honestly wish I was just dealing with that instead of that and fearing that I'm a pedophile ontop of it. Like at least the thing you're dealing with isn't something that will make 90% of the population despise you, you know? I know that sounds bad and isn't very mature but I'm always the therapist friend for other people, and I'm the only one actually seeking help and trying to get better and I arguably have the worst thing to deal with. I feel like my friends only want to talk to me when they're depressed or need advice and I'm so tired of it.

POCD

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 21w

I understand how you feel, rn I have not many friends, I’d say only 1, but we’ve been friends even before my OCD, I felt like the therapist friends too, I distanced myself from those ppl not just for that reason but I just realized that I’m more important, I need to focus on me not other peoples issues, you said yours are more hard to deal with, I also look at my friends issues and just think “wow I wish I was just depressed” I still do, now all I do is fight myself day and night it’s exhausting, you don’t have to force yourself to be their therapist you are a person too and if you feel the need to distance yourself then you should, just know you’re not alone I know exactly how you feel, I’ve tried getting help from people, but I truly believe no one can help me other then someone who’s also dealing with OCD, but if you need someone to talk to, you can def talk to me!

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 21w

@Hi_123 Yes ofc!

💟

Date posted: 21w

thanks, this made me feel a bit better to know it's not just me

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 21w

@Hi_123 Honestly how I feel about this is, it’s still arousal YES it’s fake, you don’t want the thinking about the intrusive thought, but you want the feeling, this is just OCDs way of tricking you, making you believe you want both, what I can say is you don’t want that thought you are disgusted and uncomfortable, the whole cleaning the sheets and taking a shower proves you don’t want it! don’t let this effect you and make you think you are what you think cuz you are not! What you are feeling now, that “does this mean” “do I want it” that’s OCDs way of tricking you, you wanted the feeling not the thought, now I don’t want to feed into your reassurance seeking, you are not weird, and you are certainly not a bad person!

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 21w

@Hi_123 I truly think your OCD is playing with you, trying to make you feel like you like said thoughts, sometimes I feel the same, but if you are feeling that disgust afterwards then you don’t like them, try and separate the feeling with the thought, intrusive feelings are the same thing like fake arousal, every thought you have that you don’t like is something you dislike which is intrusive..I’m sorry you’re going through this but please keep in mind this is just your OCD

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 21w

@Hi_123 I would say to just ignore it as best as possible that is how you sit with it and deal with it, you will feel bad that’s how OCD is, you just have to learn to sit with it uncomfortably. Know those feelings are intrusive and against your morals and beliefs..

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 21w

@Hi_123 Like I said, I do think it’s your OCD making you feel like you genuinely like it, if you don’t you don’t, most people like that don’t care, they accept it and move on you don’t you don’t like it, you like the feeling not the thought, please keep that in mind, that’s all I can tell you, and ofc if you ever need someone to talk to you can def talk to me!

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 21w

@💟 Ofc! Like I said if you ever wanna talk to someone you can talk to me!

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 21w

@Hi_123 OCD can try to convince you to believe anything that your afraid is true so I’d say yes

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

Givenup

Date posted: 15w

Im so alone

I genuinely feel so alone and miserable... i had to miss out on an exam because of how severe my pocd got... im currently sick with a fever... and right now my pocd and real events ocd is telling me that im a MAP and a P because of my real events that are pocd related... and people have blocked me on NOCD... so that makes it worse for me... I get scared that Ill be cancelled and demonized because of my real events OCD and POCD situations... i dont ever want to be a MAP or a P in any way... and it legitimately scares me because the last thing i want is to be a P or a MAP...

OCDMM

Date posted: 11w

Lonely and struggling

OCD can be so isolating. I’m in a health anxiety spiral and struggling at work. I feel like I am failing everywhere and feeling very alone. My support system is tired of hearing about my fears, health wise and work wise. I find myself crying a lot. I don’t particularly enjoy doing anything anymore. I feel like I just can’t get comfortable in my skin or my head sometimes. I’m not sure how to else to describe it. Like nothing soothes me or makes it better. Even sleep is bad dreams and waking up anxious all night. I’ve always felt different from everyone else but when I’m on meds I can fake it better and I feel more connected. I want to go back on SSRI’s but I’ve been dealing with health issues and the meds exacerbate them so am delaying for the time being

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