🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

I can't do this rn.......

So I was on a hat chat gpt and it said that people who are non-offenders experience distress and anxiety and disgust and depression and they feel ashamed of being a non-offender like WHAT like that's honestly terrifying and I'm so scared because that's how I've been feeling like when I'm out I get anxiety too especially when I see a younger person I always been attracted to MEN my whole life can people turn into monsters and I don't even care if they have problems if there attracted to kids then there sick in the head like don't care like this has been sharing me soo much and the worst part about it is that they said some are in denial or suppress their attractions I'm so done...... I can not do this this is too much I would rather be gone from this earth than find out that I might be one like you have to be kidding me if you're attracted to young people and desire that you're sick and dead to me you're a monster I don't care like its disgusting. for this eole some people are suffering from POCD like me are scared to think about that and I'm terrified.

Young adults with OCD

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

Please try not to use chat GPT as reassurance or checking. That could make this a lot worse than before. You have to try and sit with those unfortunate thoughts. I'm sorry, but it's the best way to go about it all.

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

I don't know what to do I'm scared of myself I don't even feel like me I feel like the anxiety is getting worse like I need to brain surgery

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Try to calm down. Try to just breathe and take yourself somewhere mentally that will calm you down. I understand the anxiety and I get the feeling of needing to do something because it feels real. Just try not to fall into it and take deep breaths.

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

Like I don't even feel like their thoughts anymore their just images that pop up in my mind and like I still don't feel shit even when I don't think about it or listen to music I daydream about guys and it's like i get thoughts of younger people and it's scaring me even when I'm out in public I get anxiety what is this is like tingly anxiety in my chest I don't understand it feels like excitement and it's horrible is this even ocd and everytime I wake up I get images of younger people in my mind I litterly keep having to imagine on purpose and be like am I attracted to them and I'll be like no I'm not then it goes away but then it pops back up again and I'm like why do i keep thinking about this am I really attracted to this I get like a gut feeling and knots like I don't understand it's so hard to explain because is it false or real like you can't all of a sudden become a monster

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 I should have never done that compulsion because if I haven't done it I would never be in this position nobody knows how I feel rn it's so bad it litterly feels like I actually am one even when I try to day dream about someone my mind wanders of yonger younger people like that is not normal!! Like I can't just go breath or distract myself when there's litterly images of things in the back of my mind that just sit there that I don't want to think about.

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 Like I've been litterly thinking about offing myself this is not fun this is torture....it's never gotten this bad

Jayden463

Date posted: 20w ago

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 You need to accept that ur thoughts r nothing they r just thoughts and ocd invades our thoughts with our fears and things tht go against our morals. So the reason ur feeling that way is because u actually aren’t a pedophile and u despise them therefore ocd puts fear in ur head that u may be one of them u are not trust me

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Please try to relax. You only done that compulsions because you have OCD. That's what it wants you to do. It makes you think the compulsions will help. None of this is your fault. You didn't wish for this to happen and you are struggling. Do you have a therapist to talk to? This is seriously and it's affecting you strongly. Please don't beat yourself up for doing that compulsion. It happens.

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 I got discharged. And ive tried to move on with this I've tried but it's like something in me is saying no this is who you are your a monster you can't move on its like a gut feeling that won't go away and it stays do you know the feeling like you want it to go but it can't go it's not leaving like I don't know how to explain it. It's like I've accepted this which is terrifying I'm really trying I keep telling myself oh maybe you are maybe you aren't it's not helping at all because I litterly feel like I am one its only making me more anxious. Like do I want this why do I feel like I want this to stay. That's the scary part does ocd make you feel like you want this to be who you are

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 I've had compulsions were I'm like ok and I move on but I can't with this one this is like the worst one I've ever done.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 The uncertainty pulls you back in because that's how OCD works. Do you want to say why you were discharged? Is there any way you can get back into therapy? It can help for sure to see someone about this. The anxiety is making you feel awful because it feels real, not because it's true. Maybe and maybe not takes a lot of practice and time for it to work. Trust me, this is all part of OCD. Accepting these thoughts IS NOT agreeing with them.

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 I hope your right... all I want to do is for this to be over

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 The reason I got discharged was because I felt like my therapist wasn't working for me like her strategies and tools weren't working for me so she discharged me. She said she didn't want to make my ocd worse because at the time I was doing alot of compulsions were I felt the need I wanted to harm myself like really bad urges. So I'm still looking for one I scheduled a free call for today at 5:00 but nobody has answered or called me back...

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Are you looking for a therapist on NOCD or elsewhere? I think it will help to make sure the therapist specializes in NOCD so that their advice doesn't backfire.

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 @BigGyro09 I was trying to look for one on brightside but yeah I'm trying to look for one on here.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w ago

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I hope you do find one on here and that they accept your insurance!! I think it will be a huge benefit for you!

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@BigGyro09 Thanks

Jayden463

Date posted: 20w ago

Read my comment from 30 mins ago ur not a pedo I promise

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

I didn't see it I'm sorry

MonologueMan

Date posted: 20w ago

I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing so much distress, pain, and fear from these thoughts. I know I don’t fully understand how you feel, or what you’re going through, however, I have struggled with suicidal ideation, and continue to struggle with many other OCD thoughts and ruminations. I come from a religious background, and whether you do or not, I hope this may prove helpful for you. This is what has helped me the most in finding more peace of mind. It’s important to remember and recognize that you are not your brain. You are a child of God, or rather a soul, with an amazing tool called a body. Since we weren’t given the instruction manual on how to operate this amazing and powerful tool, in addition to many other factors, our brain can think things we’d prefer it didn’t. However, knowing we are not our brain, reminds us that we are not our thoughts. I often interact with my brain by talking to him. I acknowledge my brain is doing brain things, and then tell my brain I understand you’re doing something you think is important, but let’s think about something else right now. This may seem a little silly, I thought so when I first started, but the more you talk to your brain, the more you separate yourself from your thoughts, and the more you begin to have control over your behavior because thoughts become options from the tool in your head, rather than compulsions of who you are. I hope this makes sense, or helps in someway. Please remember, you are important, have value, and are loved. Your thoughts may be “evil,” but that doesn’t mean that you are evil. Please seek therapy and professional help as well, as they can be paramount in helping you overcome these painful times and thoughts. Best, Tyler

Zoë_84

Date posted: 20w ago

Hey Romy, do you see the pattern? A few days ago, you got very stressed out and panicky about something else you did. You said it had been the worst ever and you are unable to get past it. Today you got stressed out and panicky about something else. The pattern I see, is that your OCD accuses you of doing something horrible, you feel horrible and try to resolve it by confessing and reassurance seeking - and maybe other compulsions. At some point, you either get over it somehow, or it gets replaced by something else your OCD accuses you of doing. The thing is, you didn't think you could let go of the last thing, but you could. Now you think, you can't let go of the current thing, but you definitely can!

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

I'm just afraid that I might feel like I'm actually attracted to younger people because of the compulsion like it litterly feels real when im out in public i see younger people i get anxiety in my chest its so weird its loke excitement but i dont like it I did it's like and its like when I tell myself or just sit with the thoughts I feel like thats actually who I am it's like I've accepted this like it's not going away and I try to push myself to be active because all I do is sleep all day it's hard for me to be active and do things.

Zoë_84

Date posted: 20w ago

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 A lot, if not everyone who suffers from POCD has been at the point you are now. When I felt that way, I never thought, that it could get better at all, but it did.

Zoë_84

Date posted: 20w ago

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Are you still in therapy?

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@Zoë_84 No

🌊☀️ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ☀️🌊

Date posted: 20w ago

@Zoë_84 Like I scheduled an appointment with someone earlier for this tommarow and idk what their going to say it's been going on for so long now I can't even look at me normally like everytime I daydream I get younger people popping up in my head it's scary that's not normal I feel tired all the time like I want to sleep like I feel like this is who I am now why do I feel like I want to keep thinking about the thoughts do I like them I feel like I like them and wanting to keep thing about them like it's just feels to real like it just feels like I want this to be who I am donyou know the feeling

Kay_buni

Date posted: 24w ago

POCD has taken over my life for the past years.

POCD has been the worst thing I've ever been through. I feel like I have always sort of experienced it but not to the degree I do now. I used to plan being a mother to a beautiful family. Now I don't know if I'll ever have children at the risk of having a girl. I used to have intrusive thoughts that would make me feel weird but I could just move on from them. That was until I had to babysit my niece and change her diaper. I want to throw up thinking about it. I got a horribly strong groinal response and I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why it was happening. It bothered me all day that day and later on I did the disgusting deed of testing myself. I regret it everyday. It's a horrible compulsion and it haunts me. I tested if I was getting off to the thought of her. And of course there was stimulation because of the groinal response. But I hated doing it. I just felt like I had to be sure. After that and since then I haven't wanted to be around her. I stopped planning being a mother, I stopped watching cute baby videos like I used to enjoy because they trigger disgusting intrusive thoughts. After a while I stopped being intimate with my boyfriend and haven't done anything with for months because the thoughts take over and make me feel like I may enjoy the deed more if I was thinking of children. I worry that maybe I do enjoy these thoughts and I'm just denying it. I wish I could be sure. I feel so disgusting and ugly, I've never hated myself this much. It takes over most of my days. I wish I had never changed her diaper. Some times in moments of clarity I am so sure that I'm not a predator, but when I am vulnerable OCD sneaks back in and tells me I enjoy my thoughts and that I should think them. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I have to test. I wish I could stop. It ruins my entire week. I feel like a monster. I want to love my life again. I miss life before this. I feel so hopeless most of the time and I can't imagine a way out. I'm scared to start therapy because what if I found out I am a monster? I can't live like that. I won't. I want to cry and scream. Am I alone in this?

POCD

misereri

Date posted: 9w ago

Urgent: i need yalls opinion

Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?

POCD

King silly

Date posted: 9w ago

Urgent :( POCD

I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.

POCD

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