Imagining the future

my brain keeps on trying to convince me I’m gay. Why do I care so much?? I’ve been sure of who I am for all my life, but ever since that thought that I could be something else appeared in my head. It’s ruined me completely, I’ve lost attraction to my preferred gender and overthink everything when talking to the same gender. I know pick about everything I’m feeling and ruminate on the past for evidence. I’ve always saw myself being with a man and having kids with a man. But now I guess my ocd (maybe it’s just denial idk) Is telling me I never wanted that and it was society or whatever. It makes me extremely uncomfy and very anxious. When I think about being gay that doesn’t feel right neither does being straight anymore since this theme. I just want to be normal again I hate this. I feel like I’ll never be in a relationship again ever because of this.

Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha

My SO-OCD is really getting in the way of my relationship and I’m so confused if it’s meant to be platonic or romantic. We have such a strong bond and I am sexually attracted to them but my SO-OCD tries to convince me that I should be with a woman bc I’m not sure if I’m 100% straight and I feel a lot of guilt about the fact that I want a relationship with a man and get intrusive thoughts about what it would be like to be with a woman instead. But it’s about this one specific girl I found attractive and I’m not sure if it’s sexual attraction or admiration and I have been fixating on this ever since I met her because I see her consistently and I’m not sure what to do. I really want this to work with him but it’s so hard for me to trust myself and what I truly want.