Did anyone ever had the though "I just wanna be normal" and got super scared cause that's exactly whay someone in denial would say? You know the word "normal" it sounds like a clasic story of someone represing something, I swear I barely had this though, I think I had it just twice in all this time.
Not quite! When we say we want to be normal it implies there's something inherently wrong with us. And there isn't because even if we have OCD it does not define us. And no a person in denial does not always say these things. Not to reassure you or anything but thoughts are just thoughts
Yeah maybe, but I been reading cases of other people with HOCD and they all seem pretty certain they are not atracted to the same sex, while I'm not, I mean like, I'm pretty sure I was never sexually atracted to man, that's for sure, but I had memories of me feeling like "I'm into this dude" or "I like him" and like I just can't tell, actually that feels unfair, it feels like I cant tell I'm into them and just don't wanna deal with that, but at the same time I'm like, some of this people are not even that good looking
@Nicola$ Hey dude let me tell you one thing: OCD can CREATE FALSE MEMOREIS too I seen and read a lot of people with soocd who were like you and couldn't also recall correctly some parts of their memory. Sometimes my anxiety makes me doubt my intentions too it's all OCD you are not alone
@Nicola$ The more you read into the stories looking for reassurance the worse it will get you need to stop fighting the thoughts at least try
@Viny No man this memories are real I know this memories are real. I know for sure it's real, what I don't know is if the atraction is real or it's just something that I just felt that moment
@Nicola$ Again feelings are like thoughts in a sense they don't really mean anything. Feelings and thoughts are not actions they have no concrete meaning. Usually it's us who give them meaning by focusing on them as important
@Viny I honestly don't know man, now it feels like I been into men this whole time, I mean if take your logic to heart, then maybe all those feelings for girls didnt meanted anything either (Asuming those feelings existes on the first place)
@Nicola$ It has meaing if you decide if they have meaning. How important they were to you. OCD is not a thought problem is a feeling problem
@Nicola$ What I mean by this is. You don't really control your feelings or thoughts but your actions to them. OCD makes our brain misfire and interpret a thought/feeling as an action or desire. When in reality it's not that. And it can feel real
@Viny I think I understand
@Nicola$ Glad you do. My friend, your job is not to figure these feelings and thoughts out. Your job is to live your life like you want to live it. You can do it
@Viny - Yeah well it's really hard, cause I always wanted to have a gf cause I liked girls, now I don't feel anything for them, so what's the point? Also under that same logic, If I liked girls just cause I felt it, then now that I feel that towars different individuals (you know what I mean, I don't even want to say it) then idk
@Nicola$ - do you feel a lot of anxiety? Because Anxiety as a high arousal state does suppress other emotions, like attraction (sexual and emotional), motivation, happiness. And really I can continue on and explain to you why these things happen but your ocd would never be satisfied, because no matter how much we try to answer it. It's never enough
@Viny - I'm confused about the anxiety, I guess I'm anxious, but sometimes I felt the "atraction" withouth being anxious, but yeah overall I do feel anxiety
@Nicola$ - You are still in an anxiety state you are just desensitized to it
@Nicola$ - Read about "OCD Groinals" it may give you some light on it
@Viny - But I have atractions not groinals
I have been struggling today, most likely due to lack of sleep. I had a thought that I would consider intrusive, but what really unsettled me was that I felt like I liked it, **not just in the sense that I lacked anxiety over it, but that I genuinely felt like I wanted it.** It left me feeling really confused. It happened during intimacy, which makes it even more unsettling. The thought was incestuous, I found myself imagining and comparing the moment with my boyfriend to my father :/, and what really alarms me is that I felt like I wanted it there, both mentally and physically. I was having a really nice time, so maybe the physical sensations got mixed in somehow, but it still worries me. I did my best not to ruminate in the moment and avoided checking. I tried to move on, but the feeling of genuinely liking the thought was so clear that it is hard to shake off. Has anyone else experienced something similar? This is one of the first times it has ever happened to this extent.
what do normal people even think about? i feel like all i do is worry and fight with myself, for months on end now, i forgot what it feels like to think like a normal person
I was looking up stuff about kinks, because my friend is trying to help me "get out there", and I took the bdsm test to see where I land on it. I got 100% vanilla, and I was a little embarassed so I decided to Google things like "is it normal to not have a lot of kinks" or "what % of the population is into kink" and when I scrolled down a bit, I clicked on one of the little suggestion things with the arrow that said "are men more prone to enjoying kink than women" and it revealed a blurb from the website that said that men are in fact more inclined to kink, but also mentioned that it also means they're more inclined to p*dophellia, which sort of set off all these questions in my head of like "Wait so if p*dophellia is just a kink, does that make it more likely that I have it? Because scientenists still don't know what causes it so what if events in my childhood led up to me having it to some extent" and I started kind of going down this internal rabbit hole of trying to figure out how likely it is that I have it or some form of it bc if it's just a kink and not a mental illness than it feels more feasible? Idk I'm a woman so ik it's not AS common in us but it's still possible. I'm doing a little better with redirecting my attention and cooling my anxiety but I had an onslaught of intrusive images before falling asleep like I used to have when I first started experiencing this fear. It's been really catapulting me back to the beginning and I find that I'm ruminating on when it started and if it really means I'm a p or not. I know it's classic ocd but it's hard when it doesn't feel that way ;-; anyway, I'm too scared to Google bc i know it'll be a form of reassurance but also I'm just scared of having anything related to that in my search history so I just thought I'd post here. Anyone else have conflicting thoughts like this?
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