LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Triggered

One of my favorite influencers Becca Moore came out as bi recently and just did a podcast about signs she liked girls that she ignored. I intended to do it as an exposure but ended up doing compulsions the whole video and comparing all of my situations to hers. Now I’m in a bubble of ruminating about one of my past friendships where we were so close and I would get jealous when she hung out with other friends. Ruminating about when my friends and I kissed each other at like 6 years old. Feeling like Im just not letting myself admit that im bi or lesbian and in denial. First tough day in about a week 😭

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anon849

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Definitely bring this up in therapy so you can have someone guiding you through this podcast as an exposure and response prevention exercise! You got this!!

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thank you! It’s like my brain shifted today from being worried that I am a lesbian to now obsessing about being bisexual. So difficult!

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

@LV4523 I have been dealing with the fear of what if I’m bisexual and in denial. Having a rough day today.

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@yessyess You got this!! Im right there with you. I think we’ve both been struggling for a similar amount of time, and it’s awful.

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

@LV4523 I was doing okay and have been having crushes on guys. Back to my normal self. Even watched shows with queer characters. And came across a masc lesbian instagram last night and my mind has been racing saying I want to be with her. And that I need to accept being bisexual. It feels like I’m in denial. I was doing so good the last few months. Today has been hard and about to get my period in two days.

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

@yessyess I know people have posted about this and I have to remind myself I’m not alone. But it just feels so real, have to remind myself they are just thoughts.

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@yessyess I totally understand the masculine women piece. I get the exact same way, and they are usually my biggest trigger. I’ve had a pretty good few months too with some hard days about once a week or every 2 weeks. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and these thoughts always get worse before I see him which will be tonight. And then I go into a spiral of if I actually love him, etc. it’s a never ending cycle! I love the days where I feel so confident and anxiety free!!! Always remember that ocd would not exist if it didn’t feel real.

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

@LV4523 Glad to know I’m not alone, it was my first time being triggered by a masculine woman and it has thrown me down a spiral. Thank you for the reminder on OCD wouldn’t exist if it didn’t feel real. I hope you have a great time with your boyfriend! Truly inspiring seeing you continuing living by your values and not let ocd get in the way of your relationship with your boyfriend!

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@yessyess Thank you!! It’s definitely hard but worth it. And I had my first masculine woman trigger about a month and a half ago so it’s new for me too. I thought I got over the false attraction piece but it just shifted from very feminine looking women to masculine women. OCD always finds something.

yessyess

Date posted: 1y

@LV4523 Okay this is relieving! It’s so wild how OCD can make you think you have the most unique intrusive thoughts that will single you out/think you’re a unique exception case and then you learn wait I’m not the only one?! I’m glad this subtype has a name! But what a headache!

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@yessyess I feel you!😭 but I know and it’s the worst because when it shifts it feels sooo true all over again. It happens every time, but some triggers are harder than others so hang in there ❤️

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Hard day

Having a little bit of a rough morning. My boyfriend and I are finally ending long distance next month and moving in together! I’m so excited, but the big change means some ROCD and SOOCD flaring up. I also got triggered by a tik tok of a bisexual woman this morning. I’ve been ruminating about: - ending long distance and being in a more consistent routine will make me realize I don’t actually love him and that we’re not compatible - I will not like spending so much time with a man but I enjoyed a long vacation with a girl friend one time (my best friend and I took a 7 week trip to Europe after we graduated college early and I had so much fun and we hardly fought / disagreed) - if i have been suppressing my attraction to women, even though I really don’t think I have feelings for women. I admire their beauty and always have, but I truly think that’s as far as it goes - substance use ocd also came up this morning? Worrying that I will become an alcoholic / that I secretly want to drugs and drink all the time I’m also getting my period in a few days and have flair ups around this time and my ovulation time. Just looking for support 🫶🏼

Pogoshow

Date posted: 23w

SOOCD

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

Mr. Solo Dolo

Date posted: 20w

Relapse

Hey guys, this last week has been pretty rough for me mentally for some reason. Today in particular I’m having a pretty bad episode. For some reason about 30 minutes ago, I randomly started remembering watching the Step Up movies growing up. I remember seeing Channing Tatum in that movie and think he’s attractive, along with some other men I think. Then I started to wonder if that means that I’m into men, because I somewhat remember getting a negative feeling about it from that young age. I looked up on Google if it’s possible to not realize your gay, and the ai thing said yes and started talking about something called latent homosexuality. It also so said that some people start sleeping with a particular before ever actually discovering their sexuality. This makes me want to take a panted homosexual test, or something. Lately I’ve also been wanting to dive into my past with my therapist to try to see where my “ocd” stems from (if I even have it) or if I’m truly gay and have just be conditioned to be straight. I’ve been spiralling guys and I need was honesty and wisdom. Can anybody help me ?

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