life doesn’t seem to be worth it

just venting. tw for SH. too lazy to type everything. genuinely just tired. I don’t want replies. the end is somewhat beginning to be appealing. maybe if I do it, they will care. I’ll be pissed if they do. fuck off, you didn’t know me, you have no right to care if I go. I was always in the background. all of a sudden I will matter for a few moments, and what for? don’t even try to give compliments to who I was. you didn’t know me. it’s a shame I thought of a future. a non realistic one. I only felt comfort in my imaginary world. hopefully there is another life. a better world. I think I will rest now. good night.

Username: ROCDmenschROCDmensch

Date posted: 22w ago

This world needs you even if there are people around you who don't appreciate you, it doesn't mean that you or your life is worthless. There will always be like-minded people, you just haven't found them yet. Family can break you. You can't choose them. But please don't end it. This place is safe to talk about what's hurting you

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 22w ago

@ROCDmensch thank you. sorry if my post seems misleading, but my family is a good one. nothing bad. my father is really supportive. I just pretty much keep stuff to myself. and the people around me are genuinely nice people. it’s just my head that puts thoughts that others don’t care about me. I was just feeling really low when I typed this. thankfully, it’s just thoughts about me doing it. I don’t think I actually have the strength to do it, so no real alarm there. don’t worry, I’m alright. just probably scared a few folks and now I feel bad. I won’t actually end it. it was just me having a bad moment before bed. so sorry to have scared you.

Username: ROCDmenschROCDmensch

Date posted: 22w ago

@veinsoul Don't feel sorry. I didn't have to answer. It was my decision :)

Username: dshbbpodshbbpo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w ago

u have worth inherently as a human being. it may sound dumb but life is a precious thing. regardless of ur environment or how many people don’t recognize ur worth, u can demonstrate ur life’s value by living, as best u can. sending love, believe me ive been there, unnoticed, unloved, and utterly defeated. if for nothing else, live to show them just how valuable u truly are. hope this helps.

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 22w ago

@dshbbpo thank you for your reply. sorry that my post makes it seems like everyone around me hates me. that’s not what is really going on. people are nice to me & my family is good. it’s just the fact that my brain makes me think that I’m alone and people (other than my immediate family) don’t care about me when they haven’t even said a thing about me. and these people I’m referring to are coworkers. I don’t know why my brain makes me think I’m just inferior to them. so sorry you went through that. it seems what you dealt with is important. you actually went through the real thing. mine is fake. made up by my mind, tricking me into thinking the people around me don’t care or are mean. I have been unnoticed, unloved, and defeated by myself. not by people, but myself. it’s not about people around me. I guess I want to show myself that I’m capable of doing things. and yeah, showing people I’m great at things but I think the root of it all has to do with me. I’m fighting for peace with myself. it’s just a battle of me vs me. nothing to do with other people. my mind just likes to torture me into thinking the people that are nice (which they are) actually don’t care about me. it’s so hard. I’m really trying to enjoy something. sorry for the long rant. I pretty much have a lot to say but I will just keep it at this. don’t worry, I won’t actually end it. I was just feeling blue when typing this last night. all of these are just thoughts. I don’t have the guts to end it even if at certain times I feel like I might. I’m just holding on.

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 22w ago

@veinsoul maybe it isn’t a battle with myself, but rather with OCD. I am not diagnosed, but if I do have it, then really, I’m at war with OCD everyday.

Username: veinsoulveinsoul

Date posted: 22w ago

good morning guys. thanks to those who left replies. I might just delete this post because it seems extreme. for one, I won’t actually end it. I was just really bummed last night before bed. these are just thoughts, even in the few moments I feel like I could do it. I don’t have the guts to. I don’t want to die. I just want to stop the torture. I have so many creative ideas and I believe I have the greatest potential known to man, but I feel like this possibility of me having OCD is affecting everything. that and the possibility of having depression. it sucks. if I could make a list or even a video about myself and what I’d like to do, I would do it. maybe not now. but later. I’m holding on. I have hope. I’m just in a bad place right now. the people around me care for me. even my family. it’s just my mind that plays tricks with me and says “they probably don’t care about you” and many other things. thank you for reading and have a wonderful day 🫶🏽

Username: bsbsbdnsnsn

Date posted: 23w ago

living (vent)

im just living day by day. i’ve stopped doing the things i used to like doing because i don’t want to ruin them. i dont want my favourite music, movies, shows and hobbies to be tainted with anxiety and my own thoughts. im a shell of who i used to be and if i had the choice i’d do nothing. at this point i’m living to cover up my emotions. its even harder because i’m not actually diagnosed since i dont think i could handle telling my parents about what’s wrong with me. i have a lot of the symptoms and i’ve had them since i was quite young (16 now) and it just hasn’t been getting better, im just better at hiding it now. i dont want to bother my boyfriend or parents with my issues so i have to deal with everything myself. i don’t find anything fun anymore and i want to die, i have nothing to live for and i quite simply want it to end. i always think it can’t get worse but i fall deeper into my sadness and me saying i’m alright to people is a lie. i feel so incredibly trapped i don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

Username: veinsoul

Date posted: 21w ago

it’s just hard.

it’s always like this. I get to talk to someone, we chat, then stop chatting or get very slow replies. but I can’t complain when I said that if I don’t reply, I’m busy or dealing with stuff. everyone has their life & no one is obligated to reply to me. I have learned that I really am just alone. I don’t want to force anyone or be obsessed. this goes for online friends. I only have 4. but they haven’t replied to me in days/weeks/months maybe. honestly, this has helped me not becoming dependent and wait for a reply like I used to. I would go on worrying for a while if someone wouldn’t reply for a certain time. I wouldn’t tell them ofc but I would become anxious. as for real life, I guess I can say 1. maybe 2 but one of them was a friend from elementary and we only met up once after sophomore year of high school. we’re now in college (actually, she graduated already) & have met up with her that day. we updated each other on our lives. it was nice, but I don’t think it was the same ‘best friend’ friendship we had as kids/teens. we don’t talk anymore. (only if I view her stories on instagram and say something) the other one I could say is half online/half real life. I met him online and we met irl a month in. he’s a good guy and honestly the first person that I like as a friend. someone I can trust, I guess. not fully, but definitely can be a lot of myself around. he’s been busy with life as well. he’s not obligated to reply to me. this one, I rlly like talking to but again, life happens. so I stopped being ‘excited’ for a response. in the end, it’s just me. my pain and myself. if I can’t make any friends irl (or maybe new friends online)(don’t get me wrong, I like the 4 online friends I have. they’re dear to me. they are just busy) at the end of this year during school, I will just give up. I tried before in my previous semester but it never happened. I am just going to accept my solitude. all I want now is either to not be here (sometimes), get a bike and ride by myself, or I don’t know. I don’t find anything appealing at the moment. sometimes there will be a spark but it goes out quickly. I genuinely do not see a happy life in the future. even after I told my dad of a ‘plan’ I had to retire early and keep learning in college to feed my curiosity, I just think maybe I’m not fit for living. I’m just tired. I try. I don’t find joy in many things anymore. it’s just not interesting. I just want to crawl up in my bed (as I am now) and move to a different place. I just want peace. will it be death that I find peace? or maybe living by a lake? who knows. life needs to let me rest.

Username: kaylaxo

Date posted: 19w ago

Sorry for another depressing post

I’m not necessarily looking for reassurance. Just venting I guess and I don’t mean to sound like a baby. But I just feel like I’m meant to be alone and it hurts. Like not only when it comes to friendships but relationships as well. I’ve always wanted to be a wife and mother and ik those aren’t big dreams but they have been my dreams since I was a teenager. I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough for that. (there are many reasons behind that thinking; i’d just rather not get into it) I know I have people on here to talk to to an extent and I’m very grateful for that. But y’all don’t know me on a deep level and ofc I don’t expect you to. Idk I don’t wanna start rambling. Thank you to anybody who even cares to read this

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life doesn’t seem to be worth it

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