SOOCD Comes and Goes

Every few months (3-4) I have a flare up of my sexual orientation OCD, but during the periods in between those flare ups I still get the thoughts every day I just don’t have horrible anxiety and I’m able to brush them off better. Is this still OCD? When it first happened it was 24/7 for around three or four months, then got a bit better, but still was there in the background. This has been the case for the last ten years— it has never fully gone away, it’s just been in the back of my head. I’ve never forgotten that I’m afraid of being a lesbian, but there are periods where I’m so anxious I consider suicide. I’m too afraid to do therapy because I think I will come out of it as a lesbian. Please, someone engage.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Midwestmother

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w ago

Hi. I just had a really bad year with SO-OCD but looking back now that I'm on a better place, I have had two other severe but briefer episodes over the course of honestly 15 years. Between these severe episodes, same sex things (couple on TV, etc) do make me a little uncomfortable. I like probably everyone dealing with this am completely accepting of anyone in the LGBTQ community. I think the discomfort was low level background anxiety from OCD. Hope that make sense and helps normalize the chronicity you're experiencing. I just did two intense months of ERP and am feeling better. I'm not more worried I'm attracted to women (I am happily married to a man so my concern was more about same bisexuality rather than being a lesbian). So perhaps you should explore ERP. Do not do traditional talk therapy, from lived experience it will make it worse.

kdito

Date posted: 43w ago

We obviously both know reassurance isn’t the answer but just know I got through the same thing. And when I have flare ups I gaslight myself into thinking it’s this bad all the time

missbluesky

Date posted: 43w ago

@kdito Thank you so much for responding. Do you mind if I ask— are the thoughts always there? Do you have days where you don’t think about it at all? Because I feel like I don’t. I just want this to stop.

kdito

Date posted: 43w ago

@missbluesky I definitely think about it daily. Unfortunately it’s second nature to me but for periods of time I am able to just ignore them and feel confident that I want to end up with a man. But then I’ll have a month where it’s so bad and I feel like a different person with a completely different “lesbian” personality

missbluesky

Date posted: 43w ago

@kdito That’s a perfect way to put it— it’s like second nature for me too. So you think about it every day even if you’re not having a flare up?

missbluesky

Date posted: 43w ago

@kdito I just seriously, seriously doubt that I have OCD and I’m not just bisexual.

Anonymous

Date posted: 43w ago

I was diagnosed with OCD and had it for about 5 months before getting help. I did ERP for almost 3 months and I know feel way better than I did at the height of my theme. I was so scared of doing ERP too and even while I was doing it was horrible I’m not going to lie. I was so scared of finding out I was a lesbian and I think I still kind of am but it doesn’t bother me as much as if did before. I too considered suicide when it got really bad. Although the thoughts haven’t fully gone away, I don’t have the pit in my stomach I used to have. That’s part of recovery though (apparently 🙄) most recently I had about a week of no thoughts at all and I feel like they’re slowly creeping in again, but I try to remember not to give in to the compulsions bc that’s what will keep you sucked in again…my advice is to get help. I know you’re scared but you’re losing parts of your life the longer you prolong treatment. Put your trust into the fact that’s it’s OCD, that’s what helped me through it sometimes

missbluesky

Date posted: 43w ago

@Anonymous I appreciate your kind words, but I’m not sure it is OCD. I’ve been diagnosed but I think it was a mistake.

AaaAnonymous

Date posted: 43w ago

This exactly explains my experience with thsi theme

missbluesky

Date posted: 43w ago

@Anonymous Really?

AaaAnonymous

Date posted: 43w ago

@missbluesky 100%, I’m here if u wanna talk or have questions. I know this theme is so hard

missbluesky

Date posted: 43w ago

@Anonymous Thank you so much. How long have you dealt with this?

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