someone said something WORD FOR WORD what i am going through. i want to post it to see if you guys have any advice. to me, it’s the fear that my values or morals have changed forever. i don’t want them to change tho, i have no idea what to do
OK so my biggest theme was moral scrupulosity and in short no, my morals haven't changed after getting better. However, the dial for reactions have been turned down considerably. I can only speak from my experience with this. Am I less moral? Maybe. Am I malicious because of that? Not at all. Am I calmer and less judgemental towards others? Absolutely
@Wolfram that’s me, i don’t think my morals are different exactly but i feel like i don’t have a big reaction to the things i know are wrong.. it feels so weird tho, i don’t wanna feel nothing about those things because maybe it makes me more likely to do them you know? i feel so much more understanding of others and maybe more empathetic but like i am not as black and white with my values and idk if i should be scared or? idk what to do bc the fear makes me ruminate a lot but idk.. what do you think about my situation?
@freshpanda Maybe think of it as if it was another theme in place of yours. Your pov won't change but you'd be able to live a healthier and more manageable life
I’m the same. I ruminate so much and think myself to death that now I am numb and dissociative and burnt out and depressed and my mind can’t shut off and I spiral and get out of control and end up in psyche wards and feel like I’m going crazy like Ophelia from Shakespeare and drowning in a brutal world and going insane and snowballing out of control. I miss the good old days when life was simpler and don’t feel like me anymore and miss having normal thoughts. Now my head feels like it’s full of junk I don’t want all the time and I can’t get it to stop and I worry if I’m turning into a psycho.
@TheUglyDuckling90 i knowww it really sucks :/ all i can say is try to stop ruminating bc i do it myself and i know for a fact it makes everything worse and feel much more unreal and numb. i think just not doing compulsions over time, you will see clearer and notice it isn’t that bad. maybe if you don’t have a ERP therapist get one? i’m sorry if this advice isn’t any good, if you ever need any comfort just lmk bc i want to help <3
@freshpanda Yeah I used to be so afraid to voice my fears or acknowledge them and to work on erp and let go of the thoughts. I still have trouble letting go but I’m getting better at it with practice.
I wrote this post earlier but I put it again because I need some advice otherwise I will be ruminating all night and suffering. I feel quite numb to everything now but I’ve got a bad habit of everytime I get a horrible/gory thought I start deliberately imagining it/playing it out like a scenario in my head and I don’t get anxiety and sometimes it feels like I ‘like it’ or almost like ‘i want to do that horrible thing’ I think drinking caffeine effects me but I drink Diet Coke before and last night it was really bad like I also keep doing this thing where I keep pulling faces in the mirror like I saw this thing where it said evil killers or psychos you can see the whites of their eyes at the top and I keep pulling that face in the mirror and sometimes it feels like I’m actually evil or look evil and I had this weird horrible dream and in the dream I got like adrenaline anxiety and I was smiling about being evil or doing something bad and last night I had a Diet Coke and was up really late and I went to brush my teeth and started pulling those faces in the mirror and suddenly I felt like adrenaline or soemthing and was pulling like evil smiles in the mirror like ‘imagine you killed/stabbed your mum right now and it felt real they I ‘wanted it’ or ‘liked it’ or I’ve got this horrible thing in my head I heard before that evil people enjoy doing that and get adrenaline excited and I’m thinking why am I believing that about myself or almost thinking I could be like that and I feel numb but I’m worried I’m scared but at the same time feel nothing I’m scared I will become evil or would give in or when i start deliberately imagining the thoughts it feels like I’m being hypnotised in that moment or that it could actually happen because of they way I’m thinking I can’t explain it but I’m scared and don’t know what if I’m secretly evil why do I keep deliberately imagining things before it was to test myself but now it feels almost like instead of denying it I’m almost trying to convince myself I am evil and I’m worried what if I’m curious about being evil that’s why I’m imagining sick things I’m worried, I do things that show that I care for others but at the same time I’m thinking what if someone could still be evil even though they do good things? And someone on here once said they think you can become evil if you keep thinking you are and sometimes it feels like when I’m imagining those thoughts almost like so real like I’m being influenced or it could happen and I don’t know what To do I can’t even cry over things anymore I’m scared
I feel so bad..I feel really bad.I just keep thinking about something.I cant get that out of my head.For 2 years I couldnt get it.And I am so scared and concerned.Can it be because is disturbing? I think then ruminate to see what reaction I have then I feel horrible for thinking it.is so intrusive and horrible.I mentained myself for too long.Now I break down .I cant anymore.I keep having it.almost everyday.I have no reaction now..I am scared and exausted.I feel like a criminal.I feel like I enjoyed it ( it sounds terrible , I know) and I am so scared.my brain cant have a reaction anymore..I cant..Can it be because I am exausted? I am so scared and disgusted and tired.Is related to pocd..The worst theme.It started 2 years ago..I think it changed my life.I feel like I am not who I was...I feel like a monster.I want to go back how I was but idk how after these thoughts .I am scared because I had them for too long...I feel destroyed...A monster..Like I am hiding under a mask..Like no one should trust me and I dont deserve anything..I am so scared to talk to a therapist.I am scared my fears will be true..please ..any advice? Thank you if u read all this
Does anyone else feel like they think these horrible things on there own or on purpose. I feel like I'm intentionally trying to hurt god and the holy Spirit now and idk what to do. I feel like I'm becoming my worst fear. Idk what to do I feel like I'm losing touch with myself and idk what to do. And I'm really worried God is going to turn his face from me or I'm going to do something I am going to regret. I'm not really sure whats happening to me, but I'm scared I'm going crazy.
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