- Date posted
- 43w ago
Having a partner without OCD
Who has had challenges with this and how have you coped? I have found this extremely tough in my 6 year relationship.
Who has had challenges with this and how have you coped? I have found this extremely tough in my 6 year relationship.
My partner doesn't have ocd, she knows i have it but has know idea how I suffer 24/7
@Jesse1982 Yeah it can be difficult. I’ve had to learn to be okay with and understand the fact that no one understands me 100 percent just like I don’t understand someone else 100 percent. This includes your partner but yeah it sure can create conflicts.
I've had that but when I was undiagnosed and had no idea how to deal with it, so no personal advice. My mum and dad have been together for 35+ years . My mum has ocd and my dad doesn't. My friend has ocd and her bf doesn't and they've been together a few years. What works for them is that the partner knows what ocd is and what's good and bad for it. I was reassured in a relationship for 4 years because I thought that's what I needed but it's actually just what my ocd wanted, it only made me worse. If they love you and care, they will be willing to help you. Stay strong
@Wolfram I know what you mean. It’s just hard because due to my lack of control over my OCD right now, I’ll ruminate about a prior conversation and am all wound up by the time we bring up the topic (I had rehearsed my points for many hours each day) that I can end up saying such mean things 😞 He does his best to differentiate me saying things because I’m feeling wound up due to my mental health stuff that he is aware of, but it’s so unfair to him, he is so incredibly overwhelmed by it understandably, and I just know that it’s something I need to help myself with. I think it can make me a very toxic during heated discussions and while disagreements are a 2 way street, my ocd renders mutual collaborative discussions impossible.
It has been a tough ride but him and I are both seeking help. The biggest thing is communication and letting your partner know what intrusive thoughts are going on and what they can do to support you.
@regretfulrain I dont think its best telling them the actual intrusive thought, but telling them ur not feeling well and going through it at the moment
@minionlovef I disagree but I can only talk from my own relationship. I found that my partner knowing what my intrusive thoughts are saying has helped him understand me a lot more.
It gets in the way all the time it’s horrible and makes me feel like I’m ruining the relationship all the time In my 3 and a half year relationship it’s caused massive arguments,a break up, it’s gotten in the way of sex but none of that is his fault because we didn’t know it was all ocd until the middle of last year and we are trying to work through it but it just gets in the way so much I feel horrible because I’m constantly mad / sad and it causes arguments and makes me feel out of control Especially when I can’t identify what is ocd and what is not so it’s hard to say to him if it’s ocd or not
@ambermayx I feel you through and through
Last night I was staying at my boyfriend’s house and couldn’t sleep. I felt like i desperately needed to go back to my parents and clean and organize my room. This has happened a few times before when I was staying at his place. Since then he’s been very upset with me. Does anyone else’s partner do this? Any advice? It’s been hard. He’s made me feel so shameful for having OCD. As if it’s not tough enough /:
I'm struggling really hard with relationship obsessions. Do I really love my partner? How can I know? Am I really just faking it? That kind of thing. It's making my life and relationship a lot harder than they need to be. I could use a few helpful coping mechanisms, trying to move away from less helpful ones like chasing reassurance.
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
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