I’m deleting the app. I can’t keep doing what I’ve been doing. If there is something horribly wrong with me I need to stop posting about it daily, and if it really is OCD this app isn’t helping me either.
I know ocd is hard . To help with ocd I recommend researching physical and mental compulsions and how to stop doing them and exposer response. I know ocd can feel like there is no escape and like you will never get better but that is not true ocd is tricky. Please try not feel shame for your ocd .ocd or dark thoughts do not make you a bad person , ocd makes you a person with a fear disorder. Worrying if you have ocd or not is sadly normal part of ocd. My ocd years ago made me think I was a horrible monster that wanted to kill my family. I was able to over come that part of my ocd. My ocd started scaring me I want to hurt myself about 3 months ago so I am now work on my ocd again. Ocd really sucks ,I have had many sleepless nights because of it. But you and I can heal from ocd , just keep working on it , it takes time but you can do it.
I sought reassurance from my therapist about whether or not I had OCD, she laughed and said that this was very common, that OCD patients doubted their own diagnoses. At the end of the session she was going over with me all the symptoms I had and which she used to evaluate my case and finally give me the diagnosis: it really was OCD and deep down I knew that, but sometimes it is very confusing to separate our thoughts from reality. I hope you are well and are able to find the peace you have been seeking, good luck on your journey.
I don’t even say I have OCD anymore because it feels like I’m lying. Maybe this isn’t about OCD anymore and is about accountability instead. Accountability for how twisted and sick I am. Sometimes I force myself to admit that it’s not OCD and that I’m just dark and twisted and need to protect the world from me. I mean god this feels too real to be OCD. Sometimes I look back at my memory and wonder if I did certain stuff on purpose and ask myself who could do stuff like this? Everyone says it’s OCD but it feels too real. I have a gut feeling that I’m a deviant psycho. I want to be gone.
I feel like having the app is kind of keeping me stuck. I stopped doing therapy after my therapist left abruptly, but I like having the community here. I would feel like I’m abandoning y’all, but it might be better for my mental health? I’m just not sure. I feel like deleting is giving in somehow, but I can always redownload. For the friends I’ve made on here, just know that if I go, I still very much care about you and your wellbeing and recovery! ❤️
I don’t see a path forward with this. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I can’t stand the feeling of feeling guilty all day and having a headache all day. I’m probably too afraid to do anything, but I don’t know what to do
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