Firstly, no, I do not want to harm myself in any way shape or form. I feel very uncomfortable with these thoughts and I’m not sure how to let them stay without interacting with them. I’ve been really sad lately with some non ocd stuff and it doesn’t help. Feeling sad and that depressive feeling almost reinforces the ocd thoughts and makes it appear more real
I completely understand. I’ve had to force myself out of bed start a to do list and follow it to try to get out of this hole. It’s not easy at all it’s painful. But if your just sitting there feeling the pain it’s not helping.
@llacerda Very true. I will be making a chore list today as I want to get some cleaning done around the house
This could have been something that I wrote 10 years ago. The worst part was that I had no idea how to tell anyone what was wrong, because "I'm afraid I'm going to kill myself" just sounded so bizarre and unrelatable. I was so convinced that one day it would happen that I stopped making plans more than a few weeks in advance, because it legitimately felt like I wasn't going to be alive by that time. This was before I learned exactly what intrusive thoughts are, how they work, and how there's no need to fear them. The reason we find it so difficult to allow these intrusive thoughts to be there is because we get so caught up about what they MEAN. We think that there must be SOME reason they are there, and that they are important. Almost like we're living a lie, and the thoughts are the reality; a ticking time bomb that will eventually make us do the thing we're so afraid of. But that's where we have it all wrong. That's not how thoughts work. Thoughts are literally nothing more than the brain trying to make sense of the world, and the feelings we're experiencing. They are mere suggestions (and rather inaccurate ones) about what is important, and what is currently happening, based countless conditions. How we were raised, the environment we live in, genes, hormones, our physical health, and everything in between, all play a role in what sort of thoughts flow through the stream of consciousness. The role of thought is NOT to make us do things. We do not perform actions because a thought told us to do so. We perform actions based on how we FEEL. Thoughts are only there to try to interpret those feelings as a cohesive narrative. This isn't just me guessing, this is something that is backed by real neuroscience and psychological studies, and is one of the foundational teachings of eastern philosophies such as Buddhism. Thousands and thousands of thoughts will come and go every day, and for the most part they are unnoticed. It's the frightening ones that tend to stick around because we pay so much attention to them. Thoughts become intrusive when you try to get rid of them, because all you're really doing is labeling those thoughts as "important," resulting in them occurring more often. This is demonstrated by Daniel Wegner's theory of the Ironic Process. So the goal isn't to get rid of the thoughts, nor is it to analyze their meaning. The goal is to let them come and go. Even if they carry some anxiety or icky feelings with them, those feelings will also come and go. Over time, even the most frightening thoughts will lose their "important" label, and they will occur much less often, and result in much less anxiety. Remember that feelings are worth investigating and listening to. Thoughts are only suggestions.
Idk if I have ocd or not I just want to know about 4 months ago I started getting harmful thoughts to loved ones im very scared because I would never hurt anyone. These thoughts scare me so much because they are so vivid and I have like these urges as if I’m going to do it. What is this? Am I ok? Am I going crazy please someone help it feels like I can’t take it anymore living this way with these thoughts haunting me day and night.
I’ve been dealing with this harm theme for almost four months now, and well obviously life hasn’t been the best for me, the thoughts really circulate on hurting others, why couldn’t they just been about me instead? (I apologize to those currently suffering from self harm ocd) it’s gotten to the point where I don’t know if my thoughts are really intrusive now, and it doesn’t help that I get urges to act on these thoughts. Why have I been cursed with such vile thoughts why me why now. The only good news so far is that I’m finally going to see if this is ocd or not and get diagnosed by a psychiatrist once I start college here in a few weeks(Thank gatos for my college has mental health resources) but honestly it just doesn’t really feel like ocd. I don’t know if I feel anxiety because it’s not the typical anxiety I feel. While my compulsions are mental it’s just wierd. Like I’m worried that ERP wouldn’t work for me. Sometimes I get thoughts like, how do people live without these thoughts? And how do they occupy their time? I know I used to be like other people, yk where I wasn’t worried or concerned because of these thoughts, like yeah I’ve had intrusive thoughts before in the past and they absolutely scared me, but I was just able to get over them. So why now does it feel like i can’t shake them off? Why do they have to show up everyday? And why have I become so apathetic? Like my empathy and sympathy feel like they’ve disappeared? And it’s so bad that sometimes I feel like if someone close to me just passed away I would feel nothing. Like when I heard my abuelo had skin cancer I just felt nothing and I was obsessing over the fact that I didn’t. Has anyone ever felt this way? Is it just ocd or something worse?
*PLEASE READ* I’ve been struggling with bad harm intrusive thoughts for a couple years now. They’ll go away for a couple of months then get triggered by something and start all over again. As much as I try to tell myself that I would never act on these thoughts I have a memory from when I was little that I was going to hurt my parents in their sleep and that memory has haunted me till now. Of course I didn’t hurt them but I thought it and I feel so guilty about it today that it makes me sick to my stomach. I love my parents so much and would never want to hurt them or anybody. I just want these thoughts to go away because they don’t line up with my values of who I am. But every time I tell myself that my thoughts are not facts that memory pops up making me feel like an awful person. I feel right now as if I don’t deserve any love from anyone because of these thoughts. I’m a believer of God and I feel as if I don’t deserve his love as well and that he has given up on me. These thoughts have also turned into a new theme of being scared I’m actually crazy and going into a psychosis. I’m just so scared and just want to be normal. As much as I tell myself ocd lies to you these thoughts have really scared me and I haven’t felt like myself in days. I’ve also struggled with health anxiety and intrusive suicidal thoughts. I know seeking reassurance isn’t good but I’m so scared.
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