Please I need answers.

I’ve had OCD for a year now. At the beginning I didn’t have much anxiety, just a lot of intrusive thoughts, time passed, now I still do have intrusive thoughts but I have more depersonalization in a way I never heard of before & I need to know if it’s part of OCD or who else is going through this: I no longer feel real, like if my life is shown of a VR play, it’s not hard to remember past memories but definitely don’t feel like I’ve lived them, my brain feels so full in a weird uncomfortable way; like just how your physical body gets dirty with dirt, I feel that way but ofc on my brain. If I feel a tiny bit angry or feel any emotion by just a little, it extends so much more out of no where, overall I feel SO fake, I forgot what normal feels like, my pills won’t work currently waiting for my therapy, like I want to know who else is going through this please! go ahead & write how you feel also, I just don’t wanna be alone in this .. it’s completely out of my control now.

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Hi there, yes I've certainly felt that way before, and it used to freak me out as well. Based on what you're describing, it just sounds like the typical sensation of depersonalization/derealization. This is something that happens during times of prolonged anxiety/stress, and is not exclusive to OCD. The best explanation I've heard, and the one that makes the most sense to me, is that during prolonged periods of anxiety the brain will sort of numb itself. This is meant to be a defense mechanism to protect itself from overstimulation. This is what causes those feelings of separation, unreality, brain fog, and general strangeness of the world. This isn't something "wrong" with you, it's just what happens after the brain is exhausted and sort of needs a break. If you tend to experience intrusive thoughts around reality and the meaning of existence, then of course this state of mind will be triggering. In the case of OCD, this results in a cycle of intrusive existential thoughts and compulsions (most likely mental, like rumination, or maybe researching) that do nothing but fuel the anxiety, which in turn prolongs this state of "unrealness." I'd imagine the volatile emotions are also related to anxiety/stress, as we tend to be much more sensitive to emotion the more anxious we are, especially anger, fear, and sadness. I hope some of this is helpful to you as you await therapy! If you work with a good OCD specialist, you will learn to not give into the compulsions that keep the cycle going, and you'll find that these states of mind will happen much less often and with much less intensity.

username ☮️

Date posted: 1y

@djflorio Thank you so so much for taking your time on explaining to me something very important. I appreciate you! This helped so much in fact I’ll show my therapist

TanyaShelby22

Date posted: 1y

hey there, i'm really sorry you're going through this. it sounds incredibly tough, and you're definitely not alone in feeling this way with ocd. 💔 i'm battling a different ocd theme, but i totally get how isolating and overwhelming it can feel. it's probably more helpful for me to share some resources that have been a game-changer for me. one thing that's really helped me is the "unstuck ocd therapy tools" app. it's this new therapy app that offers ai-personalized guidance and exercises right when you need them. my local ocd support group recommended it to me, and it's been a big help. also, the ocd stories podcast has been super comforting - hearing others share their experiences makes me feel less alone. 🎧 hope this helps a bit, and hang in there. you're not alone in this.

username ☮️

Date posted: 1y

@TanyaShelby22 Thank you so much!!!

Talia_Rae

Date posted: 18w

ROCD

I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

Feel lost and without hope

I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6w

Just looking for someone to relate to :)

I recently got diagnosed with OCD back in May of this year. What started it was a month prior, I took an SSRI which triggered an extremely intense couple of days due to panic attacks I’ve never had before. I’ve never had panic attacks but pretty intense anxiety. That’s when I started experiencing DPDR and hyper awareness. I’m good some days, but other days it’s so so hard. Especially because I have no one around me that understands. The DPDR and awareness of every feeling, thought, and just overall awareness of my existence gets really overwhelming. I feel like I’m losing my mind. It’s really hard to sit with my thoughts especially when they’re on a constant loop of every little thing I’m thinking and doing and on top of that feeling like I’m in a dream. I desperately just want to go back to how I was 4 months ago, but I know that’s just not possible right now. If anyone has experienced this and is doing much better now or even currently experiencing this please let me know! I need someone to relate to lol

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