Plz help, seriously suffering

Pls I beg you help me. It’s been two or threee days that I’m feeling proper proper stressed. Not just the average and usual doubt, these days it has felt proper proper real and it makes me feel sick, I can’t eat, I want to throw up, it’s taking over my whole body. I started feeling better about the doubts “is it love or attachment” and then another hit “maybe I’m with him just for the relationship and I don’t care about him I only care about the relationship”. I’ve made so much reassurance seeking with ChatGPT and some of the things were positive and others not and I felt even worse. Just because I don’t often think consciously about his happiness and I’m with him because I feel so cared for, supported, safe, my inner child comes out and spending time with him is my favorite thing even after a year of long distance. Help me I want to die because of how painful it is

This past week has been very challenging; I have been seeing this guy now for a couple of months, and every now and then I will experience a loss of interest in him. Sometimes this is brought upon by the OCD itself, which makes me not want to be around him because he is the trigger. Other times, it’s hard to tell if I’m genuinely not interested, and this drives me absolutely crazy. I feel like I am leading him on and forcing myself to like him just because I want to be in a relationship. To make things clear, he is the sweetest guy and hasn’t done anything wrong; he knows that I struggle with R-OCD and has been very understanding, but isn’t aware of my periods of disinterest and doesn’t know just how distressed I get. This morning, he texted me and said he can’t wait to see me. While reading his text, I never got excited or felt butterflies, I just felt sick to my stomach because all I can think about is how I’m gonna have to tell him I’m not into him right now. I feel like at this point with the back and forth feelings, I just need to end things. The more I think about it, the more I start to believe and feel that’s the right answer. I get sad because I am starting to catch feelings and don’t want to put a stop to a potentially good relationship. I’m really trying to understand why my feelings for him are constantly up and down.

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling with a lot of doubts and anxiety in my relationship, and I’m not sure if it’s normal or if it might be something more like relationship anxiety or ROCD. I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone who is incredibly sweet, caring, and kind. And not to mention this is my first relationship ever. Despite knowing all of this, I often find myself overwhelmed by doubts. I constantly question whether I really love him or if I only like the idea of him. Sometimes, I worry that I’m just staying in the relationship because I don’t want to be single or because he’s the kind of person I’m supposed to be with. These thoughts feel so real, and it’s hard to shake them off, even though I don’t want them. I also tend to find “icks” or small things to criticize, and it feels like my brain is trying to push him away, even though I want to be with him. I feel guilty for having these thoughts, and it makes me overthink whether I’m being honest with myself about wanting the relationship. At times, I rely on external validation, like when people tell us we look cute together. I’m scared I might be too focused on what others think, instead of how I truly feel. I also feel guilty about small things, like not responding in the way I think I should, and I worry whether I’m capable of loving someone else. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by how “perfect” he is, and it makes me try to find ways to dislike him, even though I know he’s a good person. I also feel nervous about things like meeting his parents or not fully enjoying his sense of humor, which adds to my overthinking. I want to be with him, but I’m stuck in this cycle of doubt and overanalyzing my feelings. I just want these thoughts and anxieties to go away. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Could this be a sign of relationship anxiety or something more? Any advice or insights would be really appreciated.