boyfriend went to hooters

This isn’t just OCD, your partner violated a boundary. The bare minimum in a relationship is to respect boundaries, they are rules within the relationship to help maintain the safety and security of the two individuals. This SHOULD be incredibly problematic and hurtful to you. Imagine if you went off and went out and secretly hung out with an ex or a male friend and didn’t tell him? Surely he’d be offended and very upset. So what makes it okay for him to do this to you? If he’s not going to respect you, you need to do what it neccessary to respect yourself! Don’t let him walk all over you! It’s infuriating when I hear of people who are mistreating their partner with OCD—it can be so difficult for us to regulate our own anxiety, and yet the partner does nothing but contribute to that! You did nothing wrong, so do not blame yourself nor your illness. Your partner is not good to you. Please take care. ❤️

Well this is an established boundary as you've told him before. He knew the consequences. Some relationships will be OK with a guy going hooter and others won't. You should be a team when together and yeah, sure there will be compromises at some point, that's only natural. This though, I understand he was there for his cousin but that doesn't make it OK for YOUR relationship. He's hiding stuff from you because he doesn't want to be told off, plain and simple. He says it's not a big deal and goes out of his way to hide it because to him it's not a big deal, it's a big deal for you. I know you're going to question stuff and second guess yourself with your ocd, so I can't reassure. But I can say, not respecting your boundaries will always hurt no matter who it is. Imagine if there was a male equivalent of hooter named ding-dong or something like that where you get served by guys with humongous bulges. People won't be going there for drinks and the food. I'm sure that'll make most people feel uneasy to find out their girlfriends or otherwise went there behind their backs, especially after the boundary has already been established out loud. ( should be a no brainer in my opinion).

My husband has done this over the years. Somewhat similar things and it is very upsetting. He says it’s not a big deal and always has some explanation for it. However, it’s upsetting. Things add up too. Like when you happen to look at his phone when he had COVID to make a Zoom call with a doctor and as soon as you open it up it’s on a Classmates site again. Told him that makes me uncomfortable but I see him on it again. He says he looks up guys and girls just old friends. Then says he doesn’t know how to delete it etc. blah blah blah. Now he’s on the road driving and I see his phone and not only is he on Classmates still but he put his picture up clearly taken when he was out of town. Hard to trust when this happens and we have been together over 20 years.

well he’s also a very secure person so it’s hard for him to understand why it bothers me