Isolation as a Christian 🙏🏻

Hey, this is my first time posting… so I am a little nervous. I have OCD, along with Bipolar 1, and Autism (autism was assessed by a therapist and psychiatrist but not an official diagnosis cause of the cost). I used to have my OCD treated with Effexor until it revealed my Bipolar disorder and instead I can only be on low dose Prozac (alongside other meds for bipolar) One of my biggest and oldest OCD symptoms has been a constant need to confess everything hidden about my life to my parents. It started when I was 15. I suddenly would become so stressed about something I did in the past (usually regarding more private topics, stuff no one wants to talk to their parents about). It would be so bad I would struggle to keep food down if I was fighting those thoughts. Although it’s gotten better, it hasn’t left without leaving me completely exposed, and it still pushes me to want to confess my private life to them. I always think “but X or Y was wrong of me to do, or was private” and then I’d feel like NOT confessing was me “lying by omission.” It’s hard to explain it… but I just wondered if anyone had and advice or just messages of solidarity. Thanks to anyone who read this long message, I appreciate it.

My name is Lily. I’m from a small town in Colorado. I have had OCD since I was 6 but I was finally diagnosed at 9. I am constantly being bullied for being different and I came here to find others dealing with the sales things as me. I have never met another soul with OCD and no one in my area really knows what it is either. My most prominent OCD is sibling contamination OCD. I feel like my brother is dirty so I can’t touch him or anything in my own home. I can’t even touch the doors to leave without someone opening it for me or using gloves and washing my hands afterwards. I struggle everyday with anxiety which transferred over to harm and suicidal OCD. Whenever my anxiety gets to great I have to cut myself or sit on the roof and cry with my thoughts telling me to jump because I hurt my family emotionally. My parents call me a burden and my dad used to physically beat me. I’m trying to heal but all I can see in the mirror is a messed up 15 year old girl who is a burden to her family. Sometimes I wish I could just bring myself to the end and put my family out of their pain. I think I need someone with OCD to talk to.

So i am a Catholic. My brain keeps saying that if I don’t make big posts on social media it means I am embrassed or ashamed of my religion. I am not at all!!!!!!! Idk why but I don’t want to make big posts about my religion. I always post on social media but my brain guilt trips me when I dotn make some posts. It keeps accusing me. I keep having anxiety like i am doing something so bad. For instance today it said that if I don’t make this post with a paragraph about my religion it means I am embrassed or ashamed. I am not so confused bc i am not not posting it becaue i am embrasses or ashamed or shamed wheatver. It’s not becaue of anything bad if i was ashamed or embrassed i would know but i am not. I always make posts me not posting a whole paragraph dotn me being ashamed or embrassed or don’t want to be judged it i was worried i would be judged i woudl t make teh posts i just don’t want to i guess seem like I am over doing it? Not that u can ever but idk i am not ashamed or embrassed i don’t care if people judge me for my religion or my posts i just don’t want to overdo it? I guess I don’t want people to be like “she posts a lot about that” or stuff. Is that normal? It’s not becaue i am ashamed or embrassed. M’y ocd won’t leave me alone. I guess I don’t want it to be in a ocd way? Someone help- if ur not religious don’t reply to this. But me not wanting people to think taht i post too much about it isn’t me being ashamed or embrassed u know. Because I don’t care about being judged for my religion.