Hyper responsibility

Does anyone ever experience this weird thing where ocd makes you feel like “you would have had no control and done this”. Like everything you feel and believe would have gone flying out the window and you would have done something you know you don’t want. Especially when a POTENTIALLY real situation could be happening and it’s not just the thoughts alone. Your brain is like oh this is real life you really would have done this or that. Driving me crazy.

anyone else feel like theyve made too many mistakes in their short time being alive, to the point you just feel like *you* are the mistake? i sit and obsess all the time about the mistakes ive made growing up (im only 20, suffered with ocd since i was 15). i just feel like i used to always make these mistakes and i know most of them came from ignorance as a child but it makes me question everything about myself. it often makes me feel suicidal, that the world is better off without me. i come on here to try and make people feel better and offer support and advice when in reality, i have no grasp on my own ocd. i sit and obsess 24/7, i struggle with mindfulness, and my head is the worst place to live. its just the idea that my mistakes have impacted people, any lies i came up with, how thats impacted people (its probably not even a lot but the possibility is terrifying). ever since i was diagnosed, i have a thing for responsibility, i take on so much of it, and punish myself excessively. im very tired of fighting with myself. im tired of obsessing and doing compulsions to stop the anxiety. i just want it to stop.

So my harm ocd is really bad. I have a mix between hit and run ocd and being hyperaware of everything so I don’t hurt anyone or so they don’t accuse me of something. I can’t even enjoy vacation anymore. As of recently, my harm ocd is related to using the public bathroom. Everytime I leave an area or pass someone, I usually look behind me to make sure all is ok. Same with driving. Well lately when I use the public bathroom, I get anxious if another person doesn’t come out after me (they’re in another stall) and I can’t check that they are ok. I know this sounds really irrational but I wonder if it’s because with everything else, I can check but with this situation it doesn’t feel complete because I can’t really check unless I wait til they’re done and come out. Also if I don’t check, my thoughts have been running wild, like what if they were hurt in there and I just walked out? Etc. I also get scared like what if I hurt someone and didn’t realize it? I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so tired and upset over this, can anyone relate or offer any advice?