ocd is alienating

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

I'm going off to college tomorrow and I'm dreading it, I'm dreading everything. Though I didn't fully realize it, what I'm now almost certain is real event/pure-o OCD has been making my life feel completely miserable. From when I wake up to when I fall asleep, especially as of recent, I'm just constantly scared, anxious, guilty, and sad. I genuinely have not felt relaxed or happy in months, and it feels like there's no escape. When I'm taking a walk, hanging with family/friends, my mind is just racing and I can't live in the moment. Physically speaking it affects me too, my heart rate is high, short breath, sweaty, all how you would feel when you're nervous, but just all the time. This exact theme happened to me before in the past and latched on for a bit before fading, so I assumed that I grew out of it, and it hadn't hit me again for over a year until March. But now that it's on again and I actually recognized that I'm dealing likely with a mental disorder it just makes it feel so hopeless and unending, like this will forever be my life. The worst part is the nature of my OCDs, even if I know what I did isn't a big deal, is that it makes me guilty around anyone. Like I'm hiding something from everyone I talk to, and it makes me feel like I've lost all my innocence and I've lost the bright, happy, ambitious person I was before this all came back. All of this makes college so scary because all I can think about is how if I keep feeling like this I'll never be happy there, It's so hard to think optimistically or positively and this is just killing me day by day. I don't want reassurance because I know that just makes it worse, but is there anyone out there who's been in this sort of situation? If so, what did you do to manage, how did recovery look, what's your life like now? Any help would be appreciated so much.

im gonna start an ocd support group in the fall (like actually in person) and is it bad that im kinda veiwing it as my dating pool? like a bunch of people that get it and might also have false and real memories ocd like? sounds nice. literally never dated before because i never have time in between these blow out episodes to form a connection or make a date but like i feel like it would be easier with someone who also has ocd because theyd get it.