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How can I date women if I feel like this ?😔

I just experienced two cases of "unintentional ERP" back to back. I was in the middle of doing a compulsion that just wasn't working, and in the end, it didn't. It was not recoverable by means of just another compulsion to make up for it, I ended up not being able to fully follow through with or carry out the compulsion successfully, as it was just no longer even a physically possible demand that my OCD was asking for at this point. I didn't expect I would cry, but I did. I broke down, because I'm just not use to it, like I can't even remember the last time I didn't just give in to a compulsion because it "felt" absolutely necessary, when I "logically" knew, and still know, that its not. Tonight, it was just some ridiculous thing again as always, a matter of my clean clothes and/or accessories brushing up against something that I perceived NOT to be clean, like specifically, the old tissue that I had lazily just left sitting around, forgot to throw out, and now have forgotten what I even used it for in the first place. Based on that, I don't know what's "on" the tissue, all I know is that it touched my glasses. I had already had a very stressful shower, filled with compulsion after compulsion of overly-perfected washing related actions, that usually always adds up to about an hour of me having run the water, so at this time, I just didn't have the energy or the willingness anymore to rinse off my glasses, smear soap all over the lenses, and probably still have some dried up soap on them by the end of it, just making it hard to see through them. So I cried again, for the second time in just 5 or 10 minutes, this being after my clothes had "already" come in contact with something in the bathroom before I had even gotten a chance to change into them yet, causing me some sort of irrational distress that most people would not get, as they just wouldn't care. It's not even a public bathroom for god's sake, it's my own bathroom in my own house. I have convinced myself over the years that I should avoid at all costs, touching the floor, the counter, the mirror, the doorknob, the light switch, with the palm of my hand, unless of course...I wash my hands right afterwards. I can touch all of these things with my elbow however, and I have trained myself to be able to turn some things on and off with that part of my body. As for anything else, I can resort to maybe the back of my hand. Anyways...moral of the story if you've even managed to get this far, is I haven't been able to start ERP'ing from a "voluntarily" standpoint, despite really wanting to, because my OCD is just that stubborn, and I hope that ERP will eventually become something I can more easily practice, but ya, perhaps it was a good thing that this exposure to discomfort happened (even if by accident, involuntarily, and unplanned), so I could get that first taste of what ERP is like. Now there was nothing NOT emotional about it. I know that ERP can sometimes stand for Emotional Response Prevention, but there was definitely an emotional reaction. But I'm sure this is okay and not unheard of in the beginning of ERP treatments for others as well. Anyways guys, I'm exhausted...

NSFW 18+ only please so I was watching p0rn the other day, and because of my ocd i only look at videos of older women, but sometimes my ocd will say “how do you REALLY know they’re not young” and i tried to ignore it last and resist my compulsions time and continued going (as there was truly no question she was an adult, looked it up later and she’s 40, which seems about right). but it feels awful i did that.

For CC97

I don't know what PMS does to the brain, but it's not good. My real event ocd is on 🔥.

why do i feel almost okay with liking girls???? i don't want to accept that or to like them :( saying that sounds like denial and like i am lying. i really feel like i am just struggling to accept my sexuality. i want to lash out on myself and tear myself apart

You know what the worst thing of it all is? Trying to describe your anxiety/OCD to somebody close to you in hopes they would help you and they only say “everyone has thoughts like that” or “everyone has anxiety”.

Ok guys need help. Ive got two job offers but can only do one with school coming up. One place i applied to is very unorganized the managers had no printer working, they couldn’t complete my paper work and had me come back to do it and the women doing it just seemed so out of it and was on the phone with a personal call? (Im not sure what it was) for a minute and then proceeded to say she was gonna hang up on the person cause she told them she was busy. She also said she would tell the people when i was ready to start but still haven’t gotten a call back so I’ll probably have to go and clear things up myself. But they pay better than the second job and are closer to home. The store makes me feel gross though and i feel the need to immediately wash everytime i come home. The second job is still early in the process but the manager seemed really nice i liked our phone interview i tried to negotiate the starting salary but it is pretty low considering my experience and he couldn’t budge because we get a bonus. This location is farther from home as well so those are the negatives. Thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

hey all, i’m gonna rant... it’s been a tough few days (psssht. even weeks). recently, my ocd has been attacking my relationship.. but has it really? that’s the problem i’m having. no relationship is perfect, i understand that. my relationship has had MANY ups and downs. and it’s just really difficult. it also doesn’t help that we’re long distance & i have intense fear of abandonment (due to my mother leaving me at an awkward time of my life) and attachment issues. ocd is such a confusing and debilitating disorder. i’ve recently started taking Zoloft, only for about 7 days and i feel too tired to do my usual mental compulsions. sometimes i realize that and i feel okay, other times i freak out that i can’t do the compulsions. my ocd has made me think me and my boyfriend should break up for many reasons, such as he deserves better and i deserve no love or a relationship with him. we’ve hurt eachother, but my brain likes to think i’ve hurt him more.. and i probably have. but when i think of this i just feel like a complete monster. not to mention i’ve felt really detached (& numb towards) from my relationship and i feel like i don’t recognize him, or us as a couple,.. sometimes i feel like i can’t recognize our good memories… just the bad ones. and when i’m around him (on facetime or in person when we have the chance) i just feel awkward as if i’m faking my love for/ attraction to him. and that really scares me. because then my mind digs through the past and shows me how i’ve treated him and makes me think i’ve never loved him and was never attracted to him and that i’ve just treated him so terribly. i was very toxic and neglected (his emotional needs) in the middle/ early stages of our relationship. anytime he’d ask for advice or reassurance, i’d brush him off and get upset and i didn’t even notice. then i would play my game with people online and act happy and then treat him like he was less. so are these feelings really an act of ocd? and i’m really a terrible person? we’ve been dating since halloween of last year and i moved in early december, then his mom passed away in february. so we’ve had a lot of stressors put on us. and i just feel like such a bad person. i start school back up in a week and i’m scared that i’ll forget about him and all of our memories and start to like someone new. i DONT want that to happen. but i cant avoid school. so if anyone has some advice, i’d like to stay away from breaking up or taking breaks. i know and am aware it’s more than likely ocd, but i’m doubting it’s ocd and that’s where most of the panic comes from.. i’ve felt incredibly stressed out and i just want to come to terms on what’s happening. i’ve posted a few little things but i thought i post the whole sha bang. so, to anyone who has insight or any advice whatsoever, thank you for taking the time to help out a fellow distraught human. (also please don’t think i’m a terrible person :( ) ❤️

Does anyone have a thought about a real event thing and sometimes be able to justify the situation and be like "whatever" and then sometimes it totally freaks you out and you feel like your life is over?? In my case it was such a small incident but my brain says "nope life is over for you" one minute and "eh it's no big deal" the next 🙁 i really want to ask a family member but I know I would be trying to relieve anxiety but I reallllllly want to relieve the anxiety. It doesn't help that I have things for college to go today and an interview tonight for an internship yet all I can think about is this small little real event

Does anybody overthink/ feel extreme guilt over their past? It’s become so tiring :(

I feel so gross about anything feminine right now. I just want to be a lesbian but I no longer feel attracted to women and the idea of being a woman or wearing anything girly makes me feel sick. I'm convinced I'm trans and just scared. I hate this. I want to be me again.

I read online that people with OCD have a higher risk of developing schizophrenia (x6 more risk). and this really sent me down a spiral since my only obsession is developing schizophrenia, and I was comforted by the fact that only 1% of the general population has it. idk what to do now

Hope everyone has a good Sunday! If not hopefully this picture of my dog can help cheer you up!

New here...son was diagnosed OCD at age 6. Now he is 16 and has POCD and he is absolutely spiraling right now. I feel helpless because I cannot relieve his anxiety. He is convinced he is a sick person no matter how many times i tell him this is the OCD not him. He is physically sick from the worrying. NOCD therapist cannot see him until next month and i have no clue what to do. Any advice on coping mechanisms?

Struggling a little lately with what I’m 80% sure is ocd (I’m undiagnosed but working on it). Somehow I’m worrying about being a lesbian (who’s into sex lol) and ace all at once, which probably indicates that my worries aren’t very realistic. For years my bi friend has jokingly said I look like a lesbian (the first time being when we were around 12) and the most recent being a week ago. I guess it’s just thrown me for a loop because it’s made me worry I somehow inherently look lesbian? I know that’s ridiculous (literally the last time she said that another girl said I looked straight so idk) but I just got curtain bangs and I’ve started dressing in a way that’s more vintage inspired which could be interpreted as lesbian if someone wanted to go by stereotypes? As for the asexual thing, I questioned if I might be - likely as a compulsion against intrusive thoughts - right before my first big episode and confessed my thoughts to my mum instantly, which makes me think it probably wasn’t valid. Now I worry constantly that I actually am because I’m not crazily horny and haven’t really felt a desperate need to have sex with anyone even though I’ve never been in a relationship at 18 years old. I don’t begrudge either of these sexualities at all and it’s annoying me that I constantly have to think about these things. Sorry to vent but I’m on holiday at the moment and these things have been on the back of my mind. Hope you’re all having good days :)

So I need advice I constantly have ruminations of cheating on my partner. We barely have been having problems anymore yet a friend of mine (who I was never into) we recently crossed paths over his mom dying of stage four lung cancer, and I knew his mom liked me very very much, way more than my current boyfriends mom could ever. His mother always had problems with me for reasons unknown. I recently dreamt of sleeping with my friend after crying about his mom possibly dying after finding out. I’m wondering if this is me trying to escape pain of my boyfriends mom and sister not loving me that much. I was always looking for love from an older adult since my moms a druggie and my dads a recovering abusive alcoholic. I’m not looking for reassurance. I’m not even sure this is OCD. I’m kinda of just looking for help. My boyfriends a wonderful guy But he comes from a shitty family like mine, very mean spirited

Hey, I haven’t been on here in a longgg time and this isn’t necessarily OCD related but I want to tell someone how I’m feeling in the hopes that maybe someone else sort of relates and then maybe we can talk? I don’t know, I’m just a little scared at the moment and could do with some comfort I guess. Ok so the best way to describe how I’m feeling is empty. I’m not sure that I actually feel emotions much anymore. I’m not happy or sad and it’s scaring me, but obviously at the same time it isn’t because the only proper emotions I’m experiencing right now are hopelessness and emptiness. I just want to be able to feel again and I really don’t want this to be a big problem. Does anyone know if it’s even possible for me to get my emotions back? Can I back to normal, although I’m not too sure how normal feels anymore, or how feeling feels anymore. Also, I’m not even sure if that is what’s going on with me. I can barely feel things but at the same time my brains like nah it’s probably nothing, you’ve just not got any reason to feel anything right now. I feel exhausted and without motivation everyday. Thank you to anyone who’s read this, I hope nobody relates but please tell me if you do. I just want to talk.

I feel like such a horrible person. I forgot how horrible this theme makes someone feel. It was retriggered over me saying something bad about an old friend, as well as my hocd. Cause i had this one friend (we aren’t friends anymore she dropped me) where like it felt like she forced sexuality down my throat and would be like “i think your demisexual” and i was like “uhhhh i’m straight” and she was like “fine straight demisexual” and she would say things how i “just convinced myself to be that uncomfortable with the thought of kissing another girl” And I feel like a horrible person whenever I tell my three close friends about it, cause all my mind can say is “your being homophobic towards her in order to hide your sexuality” when really i never cared that she was pan, it wasn’t until she started making comments about that and i found out that she’d talk about my body / boobs with like others guys that I began having a problem And then with my other friend. I’m white and we were talking about implicit biases and she said “every time i see a blonde hair blue eyed lady i think she’s a trump supporter” (i’m blonde hair blue eyed and i told one of my friends she said this and i feel horrible now that i did) And atop that, one of my old best friends really wronged me and I had to take some time apart and focus on myself and finally allow myself to forgive, because I never fully did. And so we hung out recently and reconciled, and I told her how i felt (i had before) and she just has a hard time accepting that what she did really hurt me, and now she’s not talking to me again and saying she needs time to process and I’m back in the position of bad guy again. I can’t keep doing this. I feel like such a horrible person and i keep asking myself why i mess up and i feel absolutely horrendous.

My intrusive thoughts tell me my partner is lying to me, even though they are a very honest person and I do actually trust them. I've been doing ERP for about a week and it's helpful, BUT after doing sessions where I repeat to myself over and over again that my partner is a liar, not to be trusted, etc., it becomes very easy to start believing those thoughts. Yes, I say to myself, "She could be a liar or she may not be, there's no way to know." But having that uncertainty in my mind makes it really hard to develop trust with my partner and bond with them. I have no idea how to handle this. Does it make sense to anyone else? Open to suggestions! Thank you.