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the NOCD Community

what do you guys do when it feels so real? i’m doubting everything i ever knew, this is terrifying. it feels so real. stuff i used to be certain about i have no idea anymore.

I put in a trigger warning, have others done things such as “am I gay” quizzes or tests on the internet? If so, how did you stop?

I’m basically scared of anxiety. I had the thought one day ‘what if I can’t stop worrying and making myself anxious’ so I spent like a whole 3 hours just in a huge panic attack worrying about the fact what if I can’t stop being anxious. It’s like a self perpetuating cycle. I worry about anxiety coming so the anxiety just became HUGE. Ever since then my life has not been the same. I’m better than I was but I would love to know if anyone else has struggled with it? Acceptance of the anxiety and not trying to get rid of it has helped me.

I see a lot of users promoting an app by the name "unstuck", they claim that it helped them in various ways, I personally haven't tried it, not saying it's bad or good, but I became very sceptical because of how hard it's promoted here, does anyone have any experience with this app?

Does anyone ever have really good days where you think all these thoughts were just silly and then suddenly everything hits you and you can't escape? Do you also question whether it's really OCD or not?

I have a list of people I’ve “raped” or atleast think I’ve raped and it includes children back from when I was a childcare teacher and it’s killing me, i have these memories of these things happening and these flashbacks of maybe me hurting someone and I can’t tell what’s real and what my brain is making up. It physically hurts me to think I might’ve done these things and I can’t live with myself

As the title states I wad woken up by strange bird chirping that I've never heard before and it's making me anxious, I guess my brain is making me think that this is somehow a warning for something and now I'm anxious thinking about what the warning can be about and now a million of possibilities is running through my mind?? I'm not sure if it's tuition or anxiety, I just want to go back to sleep peacefully 😭 I hope this doesn't seem like I'm seeking reassurance but I just wanted to get this off my chest at least..

Fear of spiraling. Losing control. Harm ocd. I just had to have a c section yesterday and everything has spiked. I’m just hoping for some positive words to get me through this difficult time. Maybe some mantras that have helped you stay positive? Reminders this is temporary? Hopefully not reassurance seeking but just needing some outside positivity

I think I might be bipolar keep on having mood swings I go from okay to sad to suicidal to homicidal I don't know why I keep on thinking about killing myself and other people I want to tell my school therapist but I'm scared that she'll be afraid of me I don't know what to do I don't want to hurt anyone but I keep on hearing voices telling me to kill people that I don't like and I can't take it and to kill myself I don't know what's wrong with me I've thought about killing people before when I really got overwhelmed with my thoughts but everyday now I'll keep on thinking about killing myself and other people what should I do I don't know where to go for help because I feel like I'll get in trouble

Hi! So I’m mainly looking for any advice or what people have to say about this topic because I literally JUST now discovered it’s a thing & I am now completely terrified & want to drop & stop all my medications like immediately out of fear 😭 It’s called serotonin syndrome? I’m sure people have heard of it… I haven’t until now & I am so scared it’s going to happen to me. I am currently taking lamotrigine 100mg (been taking that for around 4 years now) & I started fluvoxamine around a month or more ago 25mg but then I JUST increased to 50mg a day ago & took that dosage tonight as well. Now I’m awake late as heck, sitting here TERRIFIED it’s going to happen to me any minute now 😭 Can anyone assure me I don’t need to go put myself in the hospital right now & this is unlikely & I need to calm down? 😭 THANK YOU LOL

Anyone have contamination OCD about there kitten/puppy getting on them and making them dirty if you can call it that it's a unknown contaminate but starts my washing compulsion and trying to keep them from getting on me unless iam already feel dirty,Contaminated hard to explain

I think I have contamination OCD based on what I’ve been able to research. It’s debilitating and I just want my life back. I have to wipe down or clean everything that comes into my house. Yet there are “clean” and “dirty” areas within the house, which logically doesn’t make sense.

I grew up very conservative and strict and it definitely fed my ocd. I parted ways with religion because of how I never felt “good enough” even though I tried to follow all of the rules. This was after my church community escorted me from the campus because of the rumor that I was gay, even though I was an 18 year old and had poured my heart and soul into to ministry. Now, even though I’m not religious, I still get so afraid about god and religion and that I’m being “called back to god” like my parents and family begs in their prayers for me every day. Like certain numbers or sayings either feel like messages from god or messages from the devil to try and trick me. The thing is that now, I finally have a comfortable life after being abandoned because they thought I was gay, and I’ve finally rebuilt and have so much better of a life. But I keep getting painful thoughts that this is all a rouse and that satan is intentionally making my life “comfortable” (which I still face a lot of stuff because I have had to grow up and figure things out myself) to trick me from coming back to god. Even though I was severely abused and harmed and manipulated by that community, I’m so scared they are right and that me fighting for my freedom was all a waste, and that I’m going to hell. I do things to mitigate this now like burn incense and repeat phrases and other things but I’m so scared that “god” is trying to save me and call me back to him, and that the people who harmed me so bad were right to and should even more now. It’s so disheartening because I truly feel like I have worked hard to find love and safety with my loving partners and found family. But to my parents, and to my ocd, I’m just living in sin awaiting hell. How do I “expose” myself to this? Like how to I break the fear? It’s lead me to do harmful things to myself, like pulling my head out, scratching, hitting myself, and some other self harm that I feel like I can’t control. It’s really impacting my life and my loved ones now who have seen me conquer so much are now seeing me in such a dark place, and it hurts them too. So the question is are these things signs from god for me to leave this beautiful and safe life I’ve built to fling myself back into a life that is physically and emotionally painful but for the sake of my soul? Or just my ocd that probably stems from growing up in that environment?

Hi everyone,this is my first time here(Female),I was kind of skeptical at the beginning,this post will probably be long and I apologize for it,I’ll try to cut the chase as much as I can, So since I was 9 I had OCD,my first intrusive thought was about harming my self and it was extremely traumatizing for a child of that age,not to mention I went trough some other kind of traumas like the fact that I was sexually molested as a kid various times by the same person and really never talked about until i became an adult I kinda got a bit over it,of course with out realizing that it would become one of triggers with ocd and one of my biggest fears of becoming one (Pedo) along with Harm OCD,I started struggling with POCD 6 years ago,it has been a struggle like no other,I have a niece who I would avoid left and right,I also have nephew and I would also avoid him but for some reason it was mainly my niece for some reason,my toughts would get the best of me for days that turn into months and months into years that I would eventually do something totally inappropriate to harm her,at some point that toughts went away and I would feel great being around her and my other nephews,last year I started going trough some other kind of stuff in my life which made fall into deep drinking and smoking weed,this year i unfortunately had a very bad episode as an a couple of months now,where I was in a very dark place with my self and I was totally intoxicated from both substances,that night my niece spend the night at my house,I was super scared because my toughts triggered at 100 + times! It was the craziest trip ever in my life! I didn’t even wanted to enter my room knowing she was there and that I could totally do something inappropriate to her or that could harm her and more because my toughts wouldn’t stop triggering me telling me”do it! You know you want to do a compulsion on her,eventually your gonna do it one day” All kind of nasty scary intrusive thoughts crossed my mind,at one point I could tell the difference of an event that I would consider a hallucination,and I got into bed totally freaked out about it because at that point my mind cannot tell the difference of if I did or not acted on the thought,I can’t really recall much of that night I only somewhat remember getting up from bed(if it was even real) and getting close to her,that’s where my mind turn blank,I don’t know if it was because I went to shock,either my memory suppressed or in reality nothing happened,I totally blacked out and only remember bit to pieces and one of those was when she worked up totally freaked out! Asking for my sister and I told her she wasent here and she just went back to bed,that made me freaked out even more thinking “did I do something to her and can’t recall that moment cause I’m blacking out ?!” And then my next thought was”omg I did do something to her!” All that night I remember going to bed with an extreme anxiety,Hangxiety and extreme paranoia,I was in sweat and all night just thinking “she’s gonna say I did something to her,if I did something to her she’s totally going to say it!” Next morning she woke up just fine like nothing when I’m the one suffering in guilt and disgusted of my self and extreme fear to the point I been wanting to harm my own self because I can’t bare with the idea that I did something to her! I had to vent to a couple of family member and a few of my friends,everyone keeps telling me that out of logic if I “would’ve acted on the tought” she would’ve felt something or woke up but I’m not convinced at all by that,what if she was deep asleep and didn’t feel anything,what if I did do something and I just don’t want to accept it!? My worst fear has become my nightmare alive! Please help ! Has anyone experience this of any kind,I don’t judge I just want to be helped

I cannot stop thinking about litterally I mean all day and all night since I can’t sleep either that I am manifesting harm on someone I love so so much, it’s truly heartbreaking and I’m just so over it, it’s been like this for a week now and I just can’t get it out of my head I’m like so convinced that me thinking about this all day everyday that it’s manifesting cause my ocd rumination makes me feel and think that I want harm on them when it’s the furthest thing from the truth, I’m truly so exhausted but I can’t accept such a terrible thought either idk what to do lol I’m lossttttttt

I tend to ruminate on the actions I want to take to further my financial success. I often end up not taking steps and end up not showing up for myself. Instead I write plans, in journals and on white boards, on the steps to do it or how much money I would make. But I burn myself out over thinking or am too afraid to take the next step and the next step. I don’t have the money for a life coach or a therapist right now. It’s a vicious cycle.

Ive spent my entire high school time avoiding EVERYTHING. At the school i was in, i could get out of things pretty easily jsut by not going or crying in front of teachers. (No i didnt make myself cry i genuinely did that a lot) anyway on purpose or not, i got out of stuff. Now im doing online school and none of the teachers know me or anything about me so im failing two classes and barely passing the rest. Now that i cant avoid it im so stressed. i have NEVER been stressed about grades. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH IT?? I try to relax, i fall asleep or forget and then the next day I have an F and am getting lectured. I dont take time to relax and i cant sleep which means i cant focus. According to my step mom i have to spend 15 hours a day working on school. Is that normal?? I have never seen this side of myself before the side that had to have his computer pried out of his hands so he will sleep instead of work or who has to be reminded to take a break instead of reminded to get out of bed. I went from 0-100 and its driving me CRAZY. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS?

How do you know if it’s your ocd blowing something out of proportion or it’s actually as serious as you think. Like I want to believe that I’m just over thinking, over-worrying, and catastrophizing, but the thought that I could just be minimizing something or or just biding my time until something horrible is preventing me from being able to manage my ocd.

I have just started therapy for my ocd recently (only had a few sessions) however I am finding it makes me feel extremely sad. Overall my mood is just not as it was before. Feeling like I want to quit the therapy because to my understanding, I can never get rid of my ocd. I am just stuck with it forever? I know that with therapy they say it will get better but idk if it is worth the process to get there. I hate the feelings of being sad right now so I almost rather go back to dealing with my ocd on my own. I’m struggling to believe that this process will work for me and it can get better. I would love to hear from anyone who has had success from therapy for their ocd or any words of encouragement.

I literally get these symptoms right after rumination. Does anyone else? It's gotten worse lately. I think it could / likely be related to anxiety but the concern it's gotten progressively worse, to the point where I can't even concentrate a lot of the time. Alzheimer runs in the my family so now I'm worried about that crap. Like I feel like my brain itself has freakin changed (for the worse). Worse memory (because of constant memory checking), worse imagination, more stress, etc. And now daily brain fog, headaches, dizziness, etc.