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Anyone with severe ocd? I don’t know how much longer I can go on.

I don't even know how to put this into words, but lately I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety around my existence. How can I know that I'm "real" like how can I know that what I am experiencing is actually me living. The worst part about it is that no answer that I come up with is helpful because it COULD all be "fake". That terrifies me to no end because what does that mean about me and my life. I don't beleive it but it feels so real sometimes. Like almost a false intuition? It's all making me feel so empty and pointless and I really don't like that. I'm usually very optimistic and upbeat. But I don't even know who I am anymore sometimes.

Has anyone ever had any experiences when they were a young child with like being curious as a child and are now worrying that you were a perpetrator of COSCA, I can’t remember anything and I’m terrified I hurt someone,today has been an awful day

Just Right OCD is when we feel we must do something until it feels “just right”. Oftentimes there is no suspected negative outcome if we don’t, it just feels ~wrong~. As a kid this looked like avoiding stepping on the cracks in the sidewalk unless I did it just right. I heard the superstitious rhyme “step on a crack, you break your mothers back” and had ruled it out as fake- but the lingering warning feeling remained. I didn’t know what would happen if I stepped on one- just that it felt bad. Have you experienced Just Right OCD?

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I visited her over the summer and I had the best time but before I went back I started feeling numb and dissociated. Like I had no feelings, I am back at school and I feel the same way worse even. I feel nothing, I have thoughts like I don’t love her anymore and I feel urges to break up. I have been fantasizing about someone and anytime I see that person my brain is telling me to check if she is pretty, staring at her. I also feel attracted to most girls, I have thoughts that I should experience college life even though deep down I know I don’t want to. It is so difficult because I feel nothing to what my girlfriend says, all I could say is that I am sorry. Even when I say that I struggle to, my mind makes me think I don’t want to be be back to normal and it feels so real it is scary. The same thing happened last year too. I got to school and I started fantasizing about being with someone else, I followed that person and once I knew she didn’t have any interest I was back to sort of normalcy. I don’t know what to do. It is overwhelming. Anyone else feeling like this or have experienced this?

I seriously am stuck within my head, I need advice I got blurred memories from a walk home drunk and don’t know if I r*ped someone, I’m so scared but nothings came of it. But that’s all that’s on my mind I’m seriously struggling. What shall I do please?

Nothing happened between me and him but im so scared. I'm afraid of falling out between us now that school has started. I used to be sympathetic every time his mood changed, but this time OCD was over-triggered. Since yesterday I have been very afraid of losing my partner for no reason. I love him to the bits. He is the dearest for me. Im really so scared. I don't want to lose him. Yesterday I was so scared about this topic that I had a nightmare in which I broke up with him. That triggered me even more. I love him so much and don't want to lose him. I always chose to love, stay loyal to him no matter what. If there are problems between us, I want to solve them and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. Also i am at school right now and everyone triggers me. Im shaking. Im scared of breaking up and cheating on him right now and im trying my best to not to cry.

Hi there 🤗 Can anyone help me with ERP exposures to do to help with this situation. I get obsessive weeks or months in my life were I need to find the perfect dress for an event (as an example). I then scroll for months in eBay etc and makes me feel ill I do it so much. I will be worried about money and I should keep and save, but I keep buying dresses or other bits of clothes when I see them online or when I'm out. I bring them home and sometimes I'm super happy. But as the situation goes on longer I'm not as happy seeing them all hanging up, and I'm thinking are they nice? Do I return it? Do I need more or less or to sell them? Or just a feeling of sort of dread. Thanks for any help 💗

Hello everyone. I am a non traditional student reaching the end of my bachelors degree. I am in an extremely demanding and difficult major that has caused me a lot of stress, trauma, and effected my self worth. Due to me being close to more than 8 years older than most of the students in my cohort, I have literally not made 1 friend during my 4 years of undergrad. Not even grabbed a quick coffee with 1 person my entire college career. Most people my age either hold masters degrees or have already established careers. But Ive also always had classes with and have worked directly alongside grad students similar to my age, even at my job. I’ve tried being very kind to people, paying attention to details they share, asking thoughtful questions, and many other tactics to try to build even 1 good connection with someone. But since returning to classes this fall, I have stopped going out of my way to engage with people. What few acquaintances I had, don’t even acknowledge me or even say hi to me now. My therapist’s says I should join clubs or organizations, except I simply don’t have time due to how time consuming and demanding my major is, especially since I’m in my final semester. It’s just been an extremely difficult 4 years and I never would’ve imagined what a toll this program would take on my mental and physical well being. I never thought I would walk away from college not having made even 1 friend. It makes me question everything about myself like am I actually awful to be around and I just don’t know it? I’ve never experienced isolation like this before so it makes going to university everyday extremely hard, especially because I pretty much regret picking my major. Has anyone ever experienced anything similar to this before? Is it simply my age? It makes me worried about getting a job and experiencing this cycle all over again. I’ve heard making friends as an adult is hard but I had no idea it would be this difficult. I’m just tired of feeling so lonely and not even having one person to struggle through this program with.

Me and my bf had a falling out bc he held in his emotions and wanted to break up with me in august. ( also we are in a long distance relationship) We talked thru it and man I was so hurt I couldn’t stop crying I couldn’t breathe. I forgave him and 2 weeks ago he came over my house and I found messages between his old girl best friend and he’d send her hearts so I was super pissed and he explained it bc they used to do that etc but man have some respect for me tf. I was super upset so I told him I want a break bc you need to better yourself and he agreed and was super sad. He blocked her on everything It’s just been a very hectic two weeks and I can tell that I care for him more than he does for me. Just he never put me first and I always have. Even a week ago I was upset with him but I comforted and reassured him about his parents bc they have been arguing. And he told me he feel like since his parents are arguing they won’t do anything for his bday. So even though I was upset I pushed my feelings aside and helped him plan a San Diego trip! Well it was going good and he even told his parents but yesterday his little brother didn’t wanna do that ( their bdays are a day apart) and instead he wanted to go to Reno and well I can’t go bc I’m not allowed to fly somewhere I’ve never been. Well he didn’t seem too bummed he was just like “ oh okay”. So I was hurt bc I’m like do you even want me there? And what hurt me more is I helped him and I planned all this stuff and comforted him and now he’s like actually I wanna go to Reno! So yes I was upset bc he didn’t even care that I couldn’t go! I told him yesterday and he told me “ well it’s my bday and ur making me feel bad if I don’t go to San Diego”. But I’m not even mad bc if that it’s just I wanted to see him I missed him and he claims he “misses me” yet even though I haven’t seen him for two weeks he just doesn’t care that I can’t go. He even wanted to go to Reno and I feel selfish for even thinking like damn he’s choosing Reno over me but I just can’t help feel that way. He got very frustrated yesterday and was like “well if I don’t go to San Diego ur just gonna be mad”. I told him that’s not the point the point is I care about you more obviously and he says he cares about me but I don’t feel it and he hasn’t shown it. Also a week ago he told me how we should see each other once a month bc he wants to hangout with his “friends”. Now he gets every other weekend off of work and I was sad about that hit only bc his friends treat him like garbage. He lets them walk all over him and they always cancel plans so I’m like ur choosing ur back stabbing friends who talk shit about you over me? Well I was right bc he hung out with a few of them yesterday and his so called good friend ditched him to hangout with someone else. He will be moving down here and we’ll he says he wants to see me every other weekend and well I felt sad bc I was excited about him moving i thought we were gonna hangout all the time bc he made it seem like that! But he wants one weekend to himself so he can play video games with his friends. I told him yk maybe I just care too much maybe I just need to learn to not care about you so much. He agreed…. I just feel numb and I can’t do this

How do you accept uncertainty when the "consequences" could be so severe for yourself or people you care about? If I'm convinced that my actions or inactions could lead to me or someone I care about getting hurt or dying, doesn't that mean that accepting uncertainty requires not caring about my own well-being or theirs? How is that different from being suicidal? How do you value your own existence and care about your own life if you have to accept the possibility that intrusive thoughts saying you're going to die are true? I'm really trying to understand this aspect of dealing with OCD. I'm not in therapy yet but I'm trying to get a therapist but in the meantime I'm just trying to understand this stuff better. For example, some years ago on a camping trip I became nearly convinced that my family was going to take me out in the woods and kill me, either because they found out about something bad I did as a kid, or they just thought I was a disappointment and wanted to get rid of me. What's the "correct" way to deal with that kind of intrusive thought? Avoiding the trip would be avoidance, asking people directly if they wanted to kill me would be reassurance seeking, and just accepting that it might happen seems like an unhealthy lack of desire for self preservation. I've been reading a lot about ERP and OCD recovery and it all makes a lot of sense and I can see why it works, but this is a specific hangup that I can't wrap my head around. How can you care about important things if not caring is required to beat OCD? How can you know when something is actually a serious threat worth caring about if seeking that understanding just feels like chasing certainty?

A year ago I had a panic attack that started my OCD therapy journey and so far I’ve been doing great! I am coming up on that year mark and am starting to get intrusive thoughts about “what if I have a panic attack again because it’s that time of year” I know this isn’t true, I want to know if anyone has gone through this and has advice?

as someone who has not gotten a diagnosis, i’m wondering how everyone else went about their evaluations? what were the signs that made you question if you had ocd and how did you manage to get the courage to get diagnosed?? i always wonder what’s wrong with me and feel like whenever i try to put a label on it, i’m a bad person for even trying to think i have something and that maybe this is all just a normal experience.

Can OCD thoughts be literally about anything? What about intrusive urges like of wanting to act on said intrusive thought and you can feel that urge in your hand and it's terrifying, I'd also like to know if anyone suffers from intrusive thoughts about things online like online intrusive urges

Does anyone struggle with real event ocd and having to confess to their partner? I have so many regrets on things I’ve either done or thought and feel like I can’t move on or be better until I’ve been forgiven for them. Mostly things that happened a couple years ago and I don’t know why it’s all of a sudden bothering me now but it makes me feel like I’m the worst person ever. I’m even questioning how I thought or felt during that time and I’m confessing to thoughts or things I may or may not have done or thought. It’s so confusing and I feel trapped in my own head. If anyone has any tips I would appreciate it. Thank you for you time

There is this guy who has been bothering me. He’ll praise me one second and then the next he’ll beat the hell out of me emotionally. He told me to stop talking to my mother and come to him instead, that he’ll take care of me and pay for everything, then he’ll say that I’m spoiled and that I never tell him anything and that means I must think he’s stupid. He’ll ask how my day is and when I tell him he’s had it worse so I can’t feel bad. “I’ve gone blah blah blah years without a father figure, you’ve only gone 17, what makes you think you’ve had it any worse than me. How dare you feel like that.” (His exact words after I told him I have father issues after he asked me to tell him about myself.) he’ll tell me I don’t know how to do anything for myself, that I’m lazy and never do anything, that I’m too shy and let everyone walk all over me but he can magically help me and be the one to fix it. He’s an adult and I’m 17. I’ve been out of school for about three years (home schooled on and off) but because of my mental illness (not just ocd) I struggle SO HARD to apply myself and do work or go out into the world. He knew that without me even telling him, he’s been able to see my deepest insecurities from day one. He just assumes I never try and that I never struggle, and for three months he had me convinced I was a narcissist based on the things he said “you’re so sheltered” and because of that I fell down a rabbit hole CONVINCED I had no empathy and that I deserved the emotional abuse. I’m just sick of this. I don’t know how much more I can take. Any advice?? Please anything any insight would help.

Here are my top 3 books (as right now) I’d recommend to anyone to breathe a little life back into the soul. The Alchemist-Paulo Coelho The Prophet-Kahlil Gibran Marcus Aurelius: Meditations (the annotated edition)-Robin Waterfield Top two books are shorter. The Alchemist is a great story and super simplistic and vivid reading about pursuing one’s dream and the different perspectives of life. The prophet is written in an “poetic” way describing various things in life: love, marriage, children, work, joy and pain, freedom, death, law. Each chapter is based on a theme and only at max 3 pages long. This book can be read in a few hours but based how the author writes his metaphors a few rereads of each chapter might be needed (was for me). Beautiful btw. The meditations was Marcus Aurelius (one of Romes last “better” emperors) personal journal that was discovered that was never going to be published. Marcus wrote this for himself, passed away and the journal was found. He was an admirer of Stoicism. And has great life lessons and thoughts about living in according with nature and one’s conduct. If anyone else wants to drop some aweosme books down they have read comment!

Like anyone becomes so sensitive about one subject/theme that you got anxiety just by hearing/seeing certain word/images. What should we do in situation like this?

I really now try to prove myself I'm gay even if I know I'm not. I don't want to date woman but these thoughts are killing me. Everytime I see a woman I try to agree with my thoughts and seach if it fits if I say I'm gay, but it just makes me sick. I'm not a lesbian, I don't want to be. My psychiatrist said I have OCD but I still feel like I'm lying. Everything is so confusing. I want to marry my man and love him so much but everytime I talk about woman Everything feels contorted and I feel like I want a woman, it is just panic. I'm straight. I am so scared that maybe I am just scared to confess to myself that I am a lesbian but I m not. I just want this to end and I really want certainty.