Trying Not to Seek Reassurance

I saw him texting the guy he’s expressed he’s overly attracted to. When he’s brought him up (at least twice) he talks for several minutes about how pretty and hot and sexy they are. He’s said how they “only had sex once,unfortunately.” I’m trying not to share my unease because I don’t want to fall into reassurance seeking ways. I’m also struggling with being my usual bubbly self. It’s also late and I’m tired so maintaining energy is hard . Truthfully I’d prefer if they didn’t have contact but I know that’s unreasonable. Being friends is completely normal and fine. I think I’m just surprised they still actively talk. I want to know what they talked about and whether or not it’s my bf reaching out and why. But that’s definitely OCD’s reassurance seeking and I don’t want to fall into that. He doesn’t talk about any of his ex gfs the way he talks about this guy. I’m stressed and trying not to show it and letting myself be uncomfortable. It feels awful.

jiujitsuloop

Date posted: Yesterday

i don’t mean to sound insensitive i know this is very very very painful and i really hope you are doing okay <3

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

My ex husband was still friends with his ex fiancee when we met and it made me uncomfortable even though they were truly only friends. He talked about her like she was a friend. I found myself obsessively wondering what they talked about, if they were talking about me, if he was telling her that he didnt really love me and wanted her back etc... that's ocd. But, it sounds like you also have the opportunity to tell your partner that the way he talks about his ex makes you feel uncomfortable and awful. I think even someone without OCD would feel hurt by the comment "we only had sex once, unfortunately." I dont think its irrational, or even reassurance seeking to share that it hurt you and that you didn't like it.

Dream2026

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous We were able to talk about it which was nice. If it was only one time he had spoken like that about this person, I wouldn’t mind. But it’s comments he’s made on 2 separate occasions and seeing them text brought all those uncomfortable feelings back. I do trust and believe they’re just friends. Still, I don’t think anyone would be all that comfortable hearing their partner talk at length about how hot and sexy someone from their past is. It was nice to share that it made me uncomfortable because if yall are gonna be friends. Please talk about them in a friend way.

jiujitsuloop

Date posted: Yesterday

tbh red flag, not even an ocd thing but get this person out of your life. because tf you mean “only had sex once unfortunately” i am assuming this person is your partner. reassurance seeking or not that is incredibly disrespectful and hurtful, and totally could be a trigger.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

If he is still talking to/about his ex, they ar enot over.

bootswiththefur

Date posted: Yesterday

You are saying your boyfriend is attracted to another guy? You did express you wished they didn't talk. Are you ok with him being attracted to another man--if he acted on it?

Dream2026

Date posted: Yesterday

@bootswiththefur I’m totally fine with him being attached to another man. It’s HOW he talks about him. Even if it was a woman, it’s uncomfortable to hear your partner say how they’re still soooo attractive and hot and sexy and how they’re disappointed they didn’t sleep with them more. And it wasn’t the first time he’s said it and I think the repeating of it is what bothered me most.

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