hi all, this isn’t entirely about OCD alone but more so a space to ask for advice i guess. I’m fairly certain about breaking up with my boyfriend soon. we’ve been together for eight months, long distance (3hrs), and he is my first relationship and first love. how do i know im not making a mistake? how do i picture what life will be like after? how do i cope with not having his presence in my mind?
The way I’ve looked at is if you’re sure that you want to break up than you should. It’s ok to be uncertain about what may come next, but at the end of the day you your whole life ahead of you. and you can cherish the experiences that you guys may have shared without wanting to continue being in a relationship with him :) that is a completely valid feeling, and unless you feel like you want to have him in your life then it’s ok to partways with him. It’s not a mistake if it’s how you’re feeling
Those are my thoughts exactly. I’ve been with my long distance bf (4ish hours) for 1 year. When my ROCD gets bad, I want to break up with him because I know it would make me feel a ton of relief. There’s also other factors. If the factors you have to break up with him are enough for you, then you can only see what happens, after it happens. You have to accept that there is going to be lots of uncertainty in this decision, but doesn’t necessarily make it the wrong choice. Thoughts like these are hard and make you question everything. You got this!
The real honest answer is you aren't gonna know that you're not making a mistake. As with everything else in life you just have to give it your best guess and act on that. And I know some of us with OCD will hesitate to act on a decision without a crystal clear plan of what will happen after. So I'll say ... if you're choosing to leave a relationship, don't just put it off because you feel like you can't picture your future clearly enough. You'll figure things out regardless. Years ago I broke up with someone who I did truly love but who also wasn't right for me long-term. It sucked and was deeply painful especially at first, but today I still think I made the right decision. Being out of a relationship after being in one for so long can be disorienting but my best advice is to do things that give you a sense of identity outside of your old relationship. Catch up with friends, revisit activities you liked as a kid, start a new hobby or restart one you haven't done in a while, try something new, go outside and do stuff that seems interesting or exciting. Even if you're feeling too sad to properly enjoy any of those activities, they'll remind your brain that you exist and that your life is still your own despite things being different. All this is really difficult when it's your first relationship because you've never done anything like it before so there's a lot of uncertainty. But it does help you learn how to trust your own decisions. Sometimes you choose to do something super painful right now (ending an important relationship) because you don't want things to stay sort-of-painful for a very very long time (staying in a relationship that won't help you in the long run). Hope this helps at all lol!❤️
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