Parents are making me work instead of taking break

The title might be confusing, but I only had 50 characters. I have really bad OCD and have tried all the standard treatments like therapy with an OCD specialist twice a week, pretty much every medication recommended, and TMS, and I still have an extremely high Y-BOCS score (about 37). The OCD is so bad, the OCD therapist I saw last year won’t see me, because I made pretty much no progress for a year, and he thinks that I need more intensive treatment, like Roger’s behavioral health partial hospitalization program, or residential. This would require spending about $3000, which my parents are insistent that they will not do, so I can’t easily do it, because I am a college senior, and just spent over $2,000 on TMS. Because of my parents not wanting to spend money, I have told them that I will spend my own money on more intensive treatment, and they find reasons to say why I still can’t do it. The main thing that I understand, but is still frustrating, is that my parents are not letting me take a break during a semester, because I would probably lose the tuition exchange I have through my dads employer. This has basically led me to be trying to do multiple college semesters, when I should be taking a break. I have told my parents “how about I do it over a break,” and they said “no we’re not paying for it, and you don’t have the money.” There are other options my psychiatrist suggested that I feel actually have a higher chance of helping me than Roger’s. My psychiatrist has recommended either Deep Brain Stimulation, or anterior capsulotomy, both of which cost a fair amount of money, so my parents wouldn’t pay for that, and I can’t afford it. Because of this, he suggested I look for trials of things, and I have found deep brain stimulation trials that I could get completely for free, and my parents wouldn’t have to pay for, and they still won’t let me do it, because they think it’s dangerous. There is also a low intensity focused ultrasound trial which is not surgery, that they won’t let me do, because it involves driving in center city Philadelphia, and they want me home for break. My parents are also insistent that I get a job over winter break. I feel like they don’t understand how bad the OCD is, and because of their positions, I am doing things like pushing through my final year of college, when I should be taking a break, and when I actually get a break, they won’t let me take it. They said they will take my car (which is in their name), if I go to an appointment for one of these things. I want to get better, but I feel like my parents are being too restrictive, and I don’t see how I can do these things, if they can stop me by doing things like taking the car away. Also, I don’t mean to sound spoiled when I say this, but my parents are upper middle class, and I feel like whenever they have to spend money, they say no. It was suggested to them to spend money on parent counciling for people with OCD, and they said no (it was like $60 per session). I wish they would just at least let me do one of the trials that I could get for free, instead of forcing me to get a job over winter break and doing everything exactly the way they want

Hotshot2428

Date posted: 23h

I’m sorry to hear your are going through this. I think as someone who has recently been diagnosed with OCD that breaks are reserved for when you are triggered and beyond the normal coping strategies. I have liked NOCDs exposure stance because it’s a question I’ve been asking for years: do I take a break and avoid the triggers or do I push through? Since I have been pushing through, I have felt better. I don’t know what you enjoy, but I enjoy working with my hands (specifically wood working). Forcing myself to do something gives me an organized task that I have to be 100% focused on (because not being focused would result in loss of fingers lol) and gives my mind a “break” from focusing on what I’m struggling to control. Having an aspect of success (like getting a job, painting a picture, etc.) that is attainable has done way better for my OCD than sitting in a dark basement and playing video games because it’s safe (that’s my safe retreat). I think it’s also important to realize your parents may be trying to do their best with something they don’t understand very well. Have you tried explaining to them what does help so you can come to a middle ground? Maybe you can get a 2 hour break a night that cumulatively will be beneficially over time vs. taking a 3 month break. Also, don’t apologize for your privilege it’s not your fault but always good to acknowledge lol I wish you the best on your journey!

anonymous23635

Date posted: 22h

@Hotshot2428 I was thinking doing something in the winter like a trial could be a middle ground, cause it wouldn’t delay me finishing college. Maybe a more realistic middle ground is doing something like a trial in the summer after my final year of college. If I live on my own they have said that they can’t stop me

Hotshot2428

Date posted: 22h

@anonymous23635 That’s great thinking! Also, trials may ask you to go off meds/therapies/ coping strategies (I worked in drug dev for 15 years) and it’s possible it would get worse. Having the summer to work on yourself is a good time. As someone who has felt the want for freedom to live on my own to get away from my parents is tempting, keep as much time with them as possible. I’m sure they love you and are trying their best to have you get better vs. survive one more day. I know when I told my wife I needed her to let me push through, it was hard for her to not help and let me struggle. Parents don’t want their kids to struggle. Some want to take it away (which can be enabling) and some want you to just “stop it” because it’s too painful for them (usually because they have whatever you’re going through too). Living on your own will cut your resources in half and it’s hard to get those back.

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