I’m so sad. Has anyone experienced this?

Today, I was really tired, and when my boyfriend and I talked about our future, my heart felt filled with doubt. Later, his friend came over, and we all laughed and talked for a while. Afterward, I got tired again, and my feet were hurting. Because of my foot problems, I sometimes have difficulty walking quickly. My boyfriend started walking fast, so I asked him why he keeps walking fast whenever I’m in pain. He apologized and said he was trying to match my speed, but I felt hurt because this has happened before. I wanted him to slow down, walk beside me, and ask if I was okay without me having to keep reminding him.I told him I felt like he wasn’t going to change. He apologized, but I told him I didn’t believe him because we’ve been together for three years and I feel like we’re still having the same problems. He said he was sorry and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t feel much emotionally in that moment, which confused me. The bell was about to ring, so he had to leave. I called out for him to come back, but he left, and I wanted to cry.I cried a little at school and then went back to talk to him. He said again that I could break up with him because it was my choice. He also apologized for walking fast and explained that he feels pressured when walking in the hallways. I was still sad because I was upset about more than just the walking. I couldn’t tell what he meant when he said breaking up was my choice, but hearing it made me cry even harder. I felt overwhelmed because I have been worried about his effort in our relationship and whether things will actually change.Later, he talked to me while another guy was nearby. I noticed the other guy, and my mind started saying things like, “Oh, you like him. Be with him.” I ignored the other guy while my boyfriend was talking to me. I don’t want to be with the other guy, but these thoughts confused me. My boyfriend told me he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but I didn’t feel anything in response. I started questioning why I felt emotionally blank and wondering what that meant.During all of this, I experienced the familiar heavy, static-like breakup feeling I had experienced about two weeks ago. I recognized the feeling, but I had been testing and checking my feelings, and I ignored it at the time. Now I’m thinking about that feeling again and wondering what it means. My mind keeps telling me to break up with my boyfriend, but I also say that I don’t want to leave him. At the same time, I’m genuinely worried that he won’t change and that we’ll continue having the same problems after three years together.I also want to talk about my actual relationship concerns without automatically dismissing them as OCD. I want my boyfriend to be more considerate, to notice when I’m hurting, and to show consistent effort through his actions. I’m scared that things won’t change, but I don’t know what to make of the breakup feeling or my emotional numbness. I would like help recognizing when I’m getting caught in checking and reassurance-seeking, tolerating uncertainty without forcing an answer, and addressing my relationship needs in a healthy way without feeling like I have to make an immediate decision about our future.