To OCD conquerors

Hi! I don’t know if I qualify as a conqueror, but I definitely had a period of time where OCD completely took over my life and I didn’t see a way that I could ever live a normal life again. If you told me back then that I would be where I am today, it would’ve sounded absolutely impossible. I was miserable and doing compulsions (mostly mental) at all hours of the day and night, not sleeping, constant panic, triggered into anxiety by tiny little things: songs, signs, thoughts, sensations, you name it. (Some backstory: growing up, I had SO many OCD symptoms but it always got diagnosed as anxiety.) I was so anxious and not get diagnosed with OCD, so I checked into a partial hospitalization program for general mental health. I was there 3-5 days a week for 6 months. The counselors were really nice and the group therapy was sort of helpful, but I honestly didn’t feel very differently when I left from when I started there, which terrified me. One of the therapists there said something that at the time was SOOO triggering but it turned out to be very true. She said “I think moving forward, whatever you do next, it might help to become more comfortable with the unknown.” I had a full blown panic attack, haha. Near the end of my program, I started listening to the OCD stories podcast. Some things started to click for me and I wondered if I had OCD, so I booked a consult with NOCD and started therapy. Even though I was so scared to start therapy, it really started helping after a few weeks. I was then able to hold down a job and start taking care of myself. Since 2023, I think I’ve only had 4-5 panic attacks. I feel less anxious now than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. AND…..it’s not because I found all the answers to all of those OCD questions! It’s because I’ve learned more and more how to live in the gray areas of life and befriend them. It’s easier for me to hold 2 truths/feelings at once. But before, it felt like I had to eliminate one truth/feeling before letting myself live. I still have intrusive thoughts and I still fall into traps of compulsions like comparison, avoidance, catastrophic thinking, but I have so many more skills now that help me surf those feelings and accept the waves instead of trying to eliminate them. Another thing: I had this idea that in order to feel more at “peace” or whatever that I would have to go live in the woods and isolate myself for a year and get all this stuff “figured out”, then I could magically become some kind of person who didn’t struggle with this anymore. It was like I had a fantasy of escaping the pain of OCD by becoming someone different. However, I find it really interesting that for me personally, my life setup and personality have not changed very much, it’s just my perspective on life and on myself that has shifted thanks to this kind of therapy, but I’m still the same person living the same life. The main difference is I actually get to enjoy my time and be more comfortable and connected nowadays. I hope to keep maintaining the progress I’ve made and I know there will be more days where things are difficult. I’m human, after all! I wish you the absolute best and I’m happy to answer more questions or hear more about what you’re going through. My heart goes out to you and I know it can feel absolutely impossible sometimes. 💙

Hey there! I hit the OCD Conqueror milestone in June, about a year after my official diagnosis and have maintained my progress since. Treatment can feel really tough, but it has made such a huge difference. My life feels so, so much bigger than it did before treatment. While I do still have symptoms, there are days where the intrusive thoughts don’t feel as “loud” and my ability to manage without compulsions feels so much easier that I *almost* forget I have OCD. I’m able to live life based on my values and not what my brain is saying I should pay attention to. If you’d like to chat about what you’re going through, I’m happy to listen and offer support. I know it can be tough.