POCD and depressed

I was diagnosed with POCD years ago, and I always assumed it was still POCD years later. However, I get more thoughts now that come along with urges and feelings of wanting to do whatever my mind comes to. This makes me not trust myself around children to where I record myself constantly. It’s the only thing that helps the anxiety. I read the definition of someone who doesn’t have POCD and is an actual P last night, and it triggered me as the thoughts and urges are unwanted for me because I don’t want to be that kind of person but they feel wanted as I get this arousal feeling and serious urges. It’s awful.

Michael N

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25d

Sounds precisely like POCD in my own experience. I think you have already arrived at the distinction: that such thoughts come to us unbidden and unwanted, that they are unnerving and make us anxious, that they may disgust us, and that they can make us question our own inherent goodness and self-worth are all signs pointing to POCD — and that none of this is who we truly are! We are not our thoughts. Just because we have such intrusive thoughts does not mean that we would necessarily act on them. But such thoughts can seem so convincing to us that our brains trigger urges and feelings as if they were genuine. Our body gets tricked by our brain into having these urges and bodily responses, but the root of all this is still an intrusive OCD thought that is in itself a bold-faced lie. Sometimes when the urges follow such unwanted thoughts, I say aloud: “False Alarm!” — an easy ERP that gives me a push back towards reality. You may wish to rethink your habit of recording yourself constantly. This sounds like it is or may soon become a compulsive behavioral response to the obsessive thoughts — classic OCD again, and more harmful than helpful. Please know: You are NOT a monster! Everyone has some Beauty and some Beast in them. We’re good, loving, and lovable people who are trying to live our best lives with a challenging condition. And things will get better! Hope this helps. Be well!

Anonymous

Date posted: 23h

Hey, Thank you for making this post. I’m 24, male, and I relate to your post What makes it more difficult more me is the fact that I work with the youth. It’s so hard because sometimes the thoughts and urges are unwanted for me. I don’t want to be that kind of person. It feels deeply disturbing to even have that thought and urge come to mind .. like ew wtf? Like bro .. wtf is this??? And they also feel wanted as I get this groinal feeling .. I thought I was the only one. As the weeks go by, I experience new things with POCD and it makes me deeply disturbed with myself It’s really awful I hope you’re doing well and having a good day :) God bless you

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