Lmk if I’m seeking reassurance but I’m clouded

M needing some advice it feels like asap ( I know this is ocd but idk the best way to respond in this situation) I know u don’t know much of my back ground but I’ve been very proud of myself for going on this trip I’m on currently but I am really struggling and really just don’t want to ruin it for everyone else but idk what to do. I can’t stop needing to cry, even with my anxiety meds it’s pretty bad. I have ROCD and pocd but towards others bein pedos (I have trauma due to being sexually abused for probably a long extending of time when I was around 2-4 although no memories of it). Anyways my husband is not an affectionate person and often he gets even less so around others but yet becomes more affectionate towards our kids and her friends (girls) and I and TRIGGERED bad and don’t want to be around him or with him anymore. This has happened before so I’m pretty sure it’s just ocd but idk that’s why I’ve seeked trauma therapy idk what to do if he was or what I’d say so I often just leave the room or won’t look bc otherwise I feel I’m going to act in ways that aren’t normal like saving them from truly nothing or accusing him of something huge when truly he may just be playing around with them but to me it’s nasty and I can’t stand it. And the being ignored or just his contentment overall isn’t what I want in a relationship but how do u explain that without confessing

rooty tooty

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

Hey soleil, i think taking a trip is one of those things that puts our ocd on edge. Like just any new situation. I know this is easier said than done but sometimes it helps to just excuse yourself for a while. Is it a very busy sightseeing trip or something like a cruise? Basically take an hour solo where you can. I have excused myself to the bathroom to cry before on a trip. It sounds like you might just need a bit of space to regulate your nervous system, and then that would make it easier to manage the ocd itself. Sending lots of love

Soliel

Date posted: Yesterday

@rooty tooty Ty I have ig then I just feel guilty for not being better or being able to handle things still and being alone while others are having fun and feeling like I’m impacting them and their fun around me which is just making it worse on me but I get it bc of how I’ve acted prolly in times I’m triggered… anyways it just seems like nobody really wants to play games with me or involve me much n I’m trying not to take things so personal, I think although some of that may b true my ocd is still latching onto it and making it more than it is!

rooty tooty

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@Soliel Maybe they’re just concerned for you and don’t want to add to the stress by accident. Is it a sightseeing type of trip or relaxed one where everyone hangs out in a cabin or smthn?

Soliel

Date posted: Yesterday

@rooty tooty Both and no I would say things like oh you playing alone and they’d be like I mean u can play if u want just didn’t feel very inviting, or I’d walk in and everyone already was playing so not really including me purposefully it seems but I’m tired of trying to figure it out around those I want to be with. I should feel comfortable and loved and wanted not the opposite and put down when I show my true self

Soliel

Date posted: Yesterday

@Soliel It was sight seeing but also just time alone in the place that had things to do

Soliel

Date posted: Yesterday

And if that’s the case I’ve let them know I need communication or I’m left just wondering what I’ve done and why

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