Last Night’s Meltdown

My boyfriend didn’t get me flowers when he picked me up from the airport. I noticed immediately. At first I brushed it off then we got home. He had thrown away the old moldy nasty flowers that I am always too scared to touch. Instead of me being grateful he did this for me, I focused on the fact he didn’t replace them. I circled around this for so long. Even made jokes about how he didn’t get me new ones to laugh it off but I secretly was suffering from it. “Why didn’t get me flowers? Does this mean he’s falling out of love? He used to get them for me? He has picked me up with them before? He secretly hates me? Is he a lazy boyfriend? Do I deserve better?” And so on and on and on. I then felt myself falling into the hole. I started to get sadder and sadder and sadder until I was back in this depressive void. I got completely cold towards him and couldn’t even look him in the eye. This continued for hours. I completely shut him out. A night that started with laughter, joy, and love because I missed him terribly, turned into another nightmare. After I realized what I was doing, then the guilt came. “I ruined the night. What if something happens to him and this is how I treated him? He is going to break up with me because he can’t take this anymore. I am cruel to him. I am ungrateful and unappreciative.” And so on and on and on. Now it’s turned into my pity party and me apologizing over and over trying to turn the night around that I “ruined.” I am in full on melt down mode now. Crying, trembling, hyperventilating. “I’m so sorry I always do this. I’m a miserable person. I’m so sad. Please don’t break up with me. Am I psychotic? Do I need to go somewhere? I’m scared. I feel so guilty.” While all of this is going on my boyfriend just keeps apologizing about the flowers and telling me he loves me. I can’t stop thinking about how in my meltdown over the flowers I failed to be grateful for him. He took my trash out and pulled the recycling to the street, cleaning my cats litter box and fed her, fed my snake, and washed my dishes.(I live alone and he did this while I was out of town) All I could do was focus on the missing flowers and how it must be sign he does not love me anymore. I just want to be happy. He says he’s worried about me and I’m worried too. I can’t keep doing this cycle of meltdowns.

mxratxm

Date posted: Yesterday

I’ve experienced this same ocd period before without even realizing it was ocd, reading this feels so familiar to me 🥺 I’m not sure if you’re looking for advice or anything but what has helped a lot for me even now still learning is to focus on the good present moments even with it’s hard and recognizing doubts are normal, I’m still learning to allow doubts and fears to happen in relationships which I think you can also relate to, but let the actual moments give you evidence and not your mind and I know, it’s very hard to do ❤️‍🩹

winterwarrior

Date posted: Yesterday

@mxratxm I really appreciate this thank you 🫂🫂🫂🧠

winterwarrior

Date posted: Yesterday

@mxratxm I think this was the hardest to pin point as ocd for sure. And I think this has been the longest symptom I’ve had for years and years and never knew. So wild.

mxratxm

Date posted: Yesterday

@winterwarrior Yeah mines definitely started out like this and grew worse and I had no idea but now I know what the pattern is, it makes ocd more predictable and it will get better ❤️‍🩹 wishing you the best!

allyshort421

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi! I stumbled across your post, and i’ve experienced many similar breakdowns to this so please know you are not alone!! I feel the same where my boyfriend does so much for me and yet I focus on the one thing that didn’t happen / what I wanted instead. It’s such a terrible cycle. As terrible as it is to feel these things it’s a bit more comforting to connect with others that have these similar experiences, the support system is what I try to focus on through these nightmares myself. You’re doing your best and that’s what matters! If you need a stranger to talk to feel free to reach out!!

winterwarrior

Date posted: Yesterday

@allyshort421 Thank you so much I feel so seen🫂😞❤️

winterwarrior

Date posted: Yesterday

@allyshort421 “The thing that didn’t happen/ what I wanted” is BRUTAL

ShaDes.

Date posted: Yesterday

I recently had a moment like this with my partner and I ended the night in such a sad place. For context, he took me to a place he’d been before to eat for his friend’s birthday, for my birthday. I didn’t know the ambience of the place, but I got cute as many of us do, especially for pictures. Hair, makeup, nails and dress on but this space wasn’t the environment for what I was wearing. We get seated and I immediately shut down and got quiet and upset. “Why would he take me here?” “I wouldn’t take him here for his birthday” “why didn’t he tell me I would be overdressed for this?” consumed me and it was obvious. He realized I was upset and asked if I wanted to leave but it was late and we had to eat, mind you he drove an hour out to take me here. I stood quiet for a while and in my silence I started to feel guilty because I saw him getting upset. I started telling myself that I was ungrateful, stubborn and ridiculous because just a day earlier, he took off from work on my actual birthday to take me to an all day spa experience. It was beautiful. I then started to cry because although I felt upset, I realized that I could’ve handled the situation differently, but I felt the damage was done. I could tell he was getting uncomfortable and he got up to go to the bathroom but when he came back his eyes were red and I realized he’d been crying. He expressed that he worried if he could ever make me fully happy or meet my expectations and that broke my heart. I love this man so much and never want to lose him. I say all of that to say, you are not alone. This happens and it’s how we learn from these moments that make us better 🫶🏽

winterwarrior

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous I would literally feel the exact same way and overanalyze exactly like you described. We will be okay queen🫂🫂🫂🫂 Have you tried medication? I’m wondering about getting medication for my ocd because I don’t want to lose my bf 😞

ShaDes.

Date posted: 23h

Yeah girl I’ve been on meds for a while. Don’t consider meds to keep a boyfriend, do if for YOU and your growth🤍 a good man will work through things with you as long as there’s love and patience

Cowkitten

Date posted: 8h

I’m new here so I don’t have much advice to offer but I have definitely been there. I constantly find too much meaning in small acts, fixate on them, get upset, fixate on my reaction and become riddled with guilt and shame, then typically isolate. Your post made me feel less alone so thanks for sharing❤️

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