I hate my porn addiction. (and myself.)

18+, obviously. I'm 21. For the last 10 years of my life I have watched this stuff almost every single day. That's not even an exaggeration. There'd be times when I'd try to cut back, but almost every single day was just normal. I've been coming to the realization lately that I watched so many morally awful things, seen so many gross ads, whether I specifically realized that at the time or not, and even enjoyed them at the time. This feels like proof for a lot of things, like p3dophilia/z00philia, despite me never thinking of myself that way and always being disgusted by people who did. My mind is just so fundamentally broken, and makes EVERYTHING into something s3xual. Like, it feels like I can get off to pretty much anything regardless of how I feel about it.

Eclipse_xx

Date posted: Yesterday

I'm in a similar boat, you deserve self-compassion even if you feel you don't

MK97

Date posted: Yesterday

Just know any addiction, sexual, drugs, doesn’t matter, there is something deeper underneath it… a layer of shame, fear, that likely 10 years ago you decided porn and sex is the only way to escape that awful feeling. Unfortunately it backfires because now your brain thinks you need that all the time to protect yourself. Keep asking why… keep asking what would prevent you from stopping? And if you stopped for 30 days, what would you end up feeling? Did deeper and deeper and identify that core level of shame, and def work with a professional if you aren’t on here they will understand you like no other cuz of their OCD specialization (in other words, they’ve heard it ALL) Hope this helps

Mikey4848

Date posted: 23h

I’ve been here before and went to recovery for sex addiction and still do to this day but like the previous comment said there’s always something deeper underneath. So yes I stopped my addiction but everything that led me there is what I’m working on now. The fact that you’re already here is amazing. My sponsor always tells me “take the baseball bat out of your hand and put a q tip”. Basically meaning be gentle with yourself and give your self some grace.

strongsurvivor

Date posted: 22h

Went through a similar thought/experience recently. You have to remember that we live in a world where so many terrible systems are able to come together in nsfw media to further oppress, exploit, and further abuse people. The way we see ourselves is through all of these systems, and that in turn affects how we see others. Have some compassion for yourself and breathe fresh air. If you don't want to do these things and haven't done these things then you are a good person. You have control over yourself now that you know more about this industry and can choose to consume more ethical nfsw media (like through fanfic sites, tumblr/deviantart, etc). Im also 21, got introduced to this stuff 10 years ago. I used to have a porn addiction myself and the shame of watching stuff that was borderline immoral usually was what got me to quit. You are growing, becoming more aware, and due to that, becoming more panicked/ashamed of your naivete/ignorance previously. You will feel more miserable for some time because you are now checking back to see if you have done anything bad.

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