Please, does anyone got answers, i really need it

Let me introduce myself first. I am Reense. 25 years old & my biggest dream is to become a girl 1 day ( i am transgender ). I am very kind to everyone and i show always respect. I compliment many people & like to talk. But! I had one really bad day 2 weeks ago Goodevening NOCD. I really need your help, please. I am so fucking scared. Let me explain everything. What if i did something extremely bad & i can't remember it exactly because any reason. The images i get in my head, are disturbing, but does that mean it was real? It's playing with my emotions too, i was exhausted & was a little bit mad & angry, but now it's like, i felt angry then, so it must have happened. My mind just won't let go of it. I am so confused. I really can't remember it. Nothing. Help me. Please, don't recommend Therapies like ERP, i need advice & words & answers. I am so scared. What is it? Am i the only one with this in the world? It really feels like i am. It makes me really scared & very sad & it feels like i am dangerous. Please, help me. As i said on the beginning, this OCD is the exact opposite of this extreme situation. I am kind & i care about people. It's so fucking .... !