Urges. Fuck you.

It truly prevents you from happiness

I am married, I struggle with pocd and rocd. My husband is not my first relationship but I do wonder if some of my past relationships ended by compulsion because I’ve always been the one to end the relationship, due to that I went into my relationship with my husband terrified I’d do the same thing, scared I’d start having intrusive thoughts about his and with my ocd it makes me really short snappy and disconnected from my partner (when it’s really loud) Anyways you’re not alone, my ocd attacks every aspect of my life that means something to me, I was an anxious wreck on my wedding day it is so sad I genuinely pity myself sometimes. It’s gotten significantly worse after marriage, I have more to lose, we have talked heavily about having children and sometimes I’m so excited for that, other times it feels unbearable to even think about. My point is, you’re not alone. I don’t want to give you much more reassurance than that, just know you’re not alone. Everyone’s ocd is different and unique to them, but we all often go through very similar situations 💗

Every day I feel awful, I know why whether it’s my addictions of pornography and masturbation, which I’ve continued to try to get rid of, my constant state of rumination in horrible thoughts, every time I feel good about myself, my thoughts and obsessions shut me down

I have the same issue with OCD getting so much worse in a relationship so breaking up feels like an escape! Ugh. Trying to white knuckle things and keep working on ERP for it for now, but the thoughts of “breaking up would be easier” is constant. Maybe. Maybe not.