cheating ocd false memory

Hi, I’m struggling really badly with false memory OCD right now and I really need some advice please. I love my boyfriend so much, but lately I keep obsessing about whether I might have cheated on him at a party. I keep going through my memories again and again, trying to find out if something happened that I don’t remember, or if maybe I somehow repressed something from that night. The more I search, the more unsure my memory becomes. I’m scared that maybe there is something I don’t remember and that one day I will find out about it, when me and my boyfriend are even more serious and our relationship has moved further. That is honestly my biggest fear, what if I finally allow myself to be happy, fully trust my relationship and stop worrying, and then suddenly someone tells me something happened and everything falls apart? Sometimes my boyfriend does something really sweet for me and instead of enjoying it, I get this horrible feeling that I don’t deserve him because maybe I cheated on him. How do you deal with this? How do you stop trying to find out what really happened when you feel like you might have forgotten or repressed something? ❤️thank u so much!❤️

Gabbybbcosta

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey, I have the same OCD subtype. My is a bit different because it attaches to real events and it wants me to have certainty in whether it does or doesn’t count as cheating. I know it’s difficult but our only way out it to accept the uncertainty. Maybe, maybe not. I know it’s easier sad than done. But just let the thought be there. You don’t need to figure out now.

vi3

Date posted: Yesterday

@Gabbybbcosta Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for all your tips. I really appreciate it. I wish you lots of strength and all the best on your journey with this❤️

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User type: Staff

Date posted: Yesterday

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Britty92489

Date posted: Yesterday

I can relate to this so much. I’ve been struggling the past two years afraid of the same thing. An evening out with a group of friends which was totally innocent has just completely taken over me at times. I find it creeps up on me when I am the happiest with my relationship. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, I’ve replayed the entire night more times than I can count, I’ve told my partner everything and every fear over and over. I’ve asked everyone there which felt embarrassing bc ppl who do not struggle with this do not usually understand. I’ve talk to a therapist (she did not help much) even asked an Etsy medium ha.. I know the pain your feeling is so heavy at times and all logic goes out the window when the thoughts take over. I’ve been trying to not engage with the thoughts, i literally have to take it day by day. I don’t want to bring it up to anyone anymore, I know there’s nothing new to investigate so I remind myself of that, sometimes going outside helps me. I tried mantras and little saying but that became a new compulsion. One thing that is very hard for me with this particular fear is I was drinking and although i remember so much and have absolutely no reason to think otherwise my OCD keeps saying what if you don’t remember.. I wish I could help more, truly reminding myself when I’m in a spiral that it’s been bad before and I have made it through, when I want reassurance I’ve been trying to wait it out for 90 seconds before doing anything and that helps. I’m trying to let the thoughts be there and trust that even though it’s uncomfortable it will pass. Hang in there 💕 reading your post helped me not feel so alone in this particular fear

vi3

Date posted: Yesterday

@Britty92489 Thank you so much, you’re so kind❤️ I feel the same way. I’ve already asked everyone I could, and I’m sure they probably think I’m crazy. I really don’t have anyone else to ask or anything else to investigate anymore, so now my OCD has attached itself to some random person I don’t even remember. I have no way of checking anything about this person, so I feel like all I can do is wait and see if it somehow comes up one day, and then it would confirm that I’m a bad person. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for all the advice. You’ve honestly helped me so much. ❤️

Britty92489

Date posted: 20h

@vi3 I know everyone is different but let’s say you had the opportunity to ask that person that your ocd has attached itself to, could anything they would say give you that reassurance that ocd makes you think you need? Mine always finds away to throw another what if at me. No matter how crazy it sounds. There’s always something else I need, it’s never enough. One more thing I wanted to say, think about how much you have probably beat yourself up about this, a bad person would not care this much about hurting someone they love. I wish I could remember that when I’m struggling but yeah just take it day by day or moment by moment… your not alone and your allowed to live in the present

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