How is this not a Curse again?

I have not had OCD my entire life. I understand the before and after, and the after is 100x worse. Did we lose the brain lottery or something? There are pieces of sh*t who walk this earth with better peace of mind than people with OCD. This has made life and myself nothing but negative things. I'm a worse person today because of OCD. I'm more difficult to be around, I have no peace of mind, etc. This shouldn't even exist as a neurological possibility. I'm sure people with bipolarisim, or autism, or whatever probably feel the same way. I'm struggling how to view OCD itself other than a big fat curse on this ONE life we have. There is no "life lesson" here, there is no "silver lining" here, there is just the cold and dreaded reality of probably having to struggle with this bs for the rest of your life. There are different ways to look at this. Cold hard cause and effect and logic, philosophically, spiritually, etc. On a spiritual view, where is the supposed "life lesson?" "Everything happens for a reason!" blah blah blah. Would I rather have a missing leg or OCD? That's a real question. At least with a physical injury you eventually get over it and it's not on your mind messing with your happiness and outlook on life 24/7. Sorry if I'm pessimistic and bitter bit that's OCD has done to me after several years.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I am with you and don't have anything flowery to tell you. I'm a very spiritual person but getting OCD later in life, I have had to question the meaning of such a difficult path. Creating cracks to let the light in? I haven't really made sense of it yet. Dark night of the soul...but hell, this is almost as dark as it can get. ERP has helped me tremendously but I am trying to course correct my life because of the destruction OCD has caused.

Dude01

Date posted: 10h

Yeah, sorry lol. I'm just waiting for the "silver lining" that never comes. I'll need to do ERP soon, probably my only option.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I know it’s hard. It seems like you’re engaging in some OCD thoughts about your OCD. “Would injury be better?” Is a compulsion - you’re wondering what other worse thing would be better than ocd and imagining the feeling of that bad thing instead of living with OCD to cope. This compulsion makes your perception of OCD even worse, your brain could be creating a list of terrible things that are better than OCD. if you continue with this compulsion, ocd will never be perceived as something you can tackle. Another compulsion could be the spiritual component to your vent - your OCD may not have a “purpose” or “lesson”. Your brain is looking for a way to attribute meaning to OCD so you can accept it (compulsion). Maybe it doesn’t have meaning. Maybe It’s a fact of life, just like my poor eyesight is a fact of life (makes my life worse in many ways, but I don’t attribute meaning to it). Totally fine if you are spiritual and want to seek meaning, just be careful. If you MUST find meaning to accept something, and you CANT find it in ocd, you will never accept it. Maybe good to accept ocd has no positive meaning to you. And that’s ok. We’re here with you. You got this

anca

Date posted: Yesterday

I feel the same way. I get so angry sometimes at all of this. The other night I woke up at 3 AM with my heart pounding from anxiety and I wasn't able to fall back asleep for the rest of the night and I was just sitting there in the morning crying because I knew I had an entire day ahead and I was exhausted and I kept thinking exactly what you're saying. What's the point of this, what kind of existance is this. And I get that you have to accept it but I hate when I hear that because right now I'm very angry at the cards I was dealt. And I'm very bitter when I see people around me just existing.

Dude01

Date posted: 10h

I hear you. It really does feel like a curse sometimes. And the sick thing about it is I feel like OCD people are gonna be the ones that try the hardest to fix things. (hence the over-trying to solve things and over-thinking and ruminating to try to problem solve). It's not because we don't try hard enough, it's because we try TOO hard. Doesn't add up that we should be punished for that. I'm jealous of people who never had to deal with this. I'm jealous of my former / pre-OCD self. I was way more happier and had way more mental energy in comparison. I get that there's supposed forms of treatment out there and I'm hoping those will genuinely help and bring genuine peace of mind (not just a delusion), at the same time, I feel like why is it I even have to go through what like 50 sessions of ERP just deal with this crap? That's not a normal existence. Life is tough enough without OCD.

Chente_g

Date posted: Yesterday

In order to heal we have to surrender , carry on brother

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