Help please

I’m having a really bad OCD episode about the age difference between me and a person I know. I know technically we’re two years apart, and right now I’m 18 and they’re 16. But my OCD keeps focusing on the fact that there was a short period after I turned 18 in June when they were still 15, before they turned 16 in September. That’s what’s really bothering me. I could’ve sworn we were the same age, or maybe I thought they were older than me, and now I can’t remember exactly. My brain keeps making me worry, “What if I had attraction or sexual attraction toward them during that short period when I was 18 and they were 15?” I know I’m probably getting stuck on an OCD what-if, but I feel really guilty and scared about it.

SarahCha

Date posted: Yesterday

Attraction does not equal action, it would be cool to think of aliens coming to earth and helping civilization be better but what if they were evil? What if their favorite food was humans? How ridiculous do I sound saying that? Crazy lol, it would never happen. Next time you start this though loop try asking the most ridiculous what if you can think of, then tell yourself “this didn’t happen either” because it isn’t real and it wasn’t an action therefore it never happened. Then let the guilt go. Maybe try thinking “what if they were 15? But what if they were a circus clown? …oh well they aren’t, they’re just my friend”

andrea_sam730

Date posted: Yesterday

@SarahCha But that’s the thing I’m worried I may have acted like I don’t know which I feel like I probably didn’t, but I’m worried like I probably fantasize the person thinking that there were my age, but I didn’t realize the least two years younger than me and like even though we’re two years apart, I’m just freaking out cause like I turned 18 a little before they had turned 16 and at some point they were 15 for a bit and I would feel really guilty like a pedophile

SarahCha

Date posted: Yesterday

@andrea_sam730 I understand what you’re going through, but a thought means nothing. If you have a dream that you robbed a bank it doesn’t make you a robber or criminal deep down. It was just something that your mind came up with, same as an OCD thought. Maybe try that, ask yourself “would I feel this way if I dreamed something crazy?”

andrea_sam730

Date posted: Yesterday

@SarahCha Thank you, but I’m not worried about the thoughts like I’m worried that like what if I had acted in a moment like while I was having my own time thinking that they were mine and I’m afraid I did even though I kind of feel like I didn’t, but it’s just I feel like it’s the fact that I just don’t have good memory and like the answer so I feel like I take that as evidence I probably may have never even felt any attract attraction towards that person at all. It’s just I guess it’s like a possibility cause this whole time. I thought they were around my age but really through exactly 2 years younger than me but like even if they were 15 for. Short period of time I was 18 and it still bothers me because like yeah I know we’re two years apart, but it’s scary.

Boooperbear

Date posted: Yesterday

Something I like to really try and remember is if I’m asking myself a question that starts with “what if” or feels like it’s a question that’s giving energy to my intrusive thoughts, I really try to just redirect my energy into the present moment of what I’m doing. Not pushing the thought away but just not giving into any doubts or fears. Who you are is truly is completely different from thoughts or worries you may be having. OCD can have really twisted and tricky ways of making you question yourself over and over and find new ways to make you doubt yourself.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond