Am i stuck like this?

Every day has been feeling so unbearable and unmanageable lately. I can barely function. My dissociation and depersonalization/derealization is constant and its really starting to scare me. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore and i need help but i cant go back to the psychiatric hospital because i was just in there for like 30 days getting stupid ect treatments and im completely traumatized from the whole experience. I can hardly sleep at night and the ocd and panic spiral is non stop. I dont even know what to do anymore i feel so hopeless and out of control. I had to move back home with parents. I dont trust myself to drive. I stopped working. I stopped running. Its like everything that made me who i am has been stripped away. I miss music and i miss my boyfriend bit im so disconnected from all those things right now. Even right now typing this i feel completely ruined and broken. I cant think straight. I can hardly even speak straight. Im just very very very scared. Looking for support. Okay thats all. Im just really NOT OKAY.

khloe😻

Date posted: 8h

It's sooo hard because I have a therapist but I feel like my ocd gets worse everyday

Prescott

Date posted: 8h

I’m going on 2 months of this. I understand 🫂

Penguin23

Date posted: 7h

I get it🤕 it’s really scary dealing with ocd. I’m going through something similar so we can get through together!

#happiness

Date posted: 7h

Please don’t go back to the psych hospital. They aren’t really equipped to manage ocd. They just change your meds and do ECT and your stable enough to be released and then two weeks later your brain speeds back up again. ECT just slows your brain down a couple weeks then the OCD comes right back. I know bc I did this about 4 times over the last 6 years. My final breakthrough was when I got off a lot of the crazy meds they had me on and got w the right ERP therapist. I’ve been w her a year now and am finally making some progress. Back story I was diagnosed at 18. Meds managed it and I was fine until 32 when I got off meds to have my kid I got back on meds after his birth and was starting to come out of it then I accidentally got pregnant again. It all went to hell in a handbasket. I went to Roger’s in Wisconsin and they weren’t able to help me bc they only did clinical ERP and I also have trauma that caused my subtype which is scrupulosity. I was in and out of the hospital the next few years. They tried to say I was bipolar at one point and schizoeffective (however you spell it) at one point. I was on over 100 different meds (not at the same time lol). I spent 5-6 times in psych hospitals and they pretty much had given up on me. My husband divorced me and I had to move in w my parents. It’s been a hell of a year in therapy and weening off meds but my therapist is a God send and she saved my life. Oh and I also did ketamine, TMS, neurofeedback, and deep TMS. None of that helped either. I also tried multiple ERP therapists. Please consider never doing ECT again unless you need it for depression. I wish I had never done it.

Erica Finally

Date posted: 6h

I totally get the depersonalization/derealization part. It is hard to try to explain this feeling with words…it gets bad for me when I’m driving or alone by myself for too long. Sometimes I wonder why I go through this. One of the main things that helps me is reminding myself that other people go through what I go through. These days I feel like I just been floating, but I think I am getting better. I think it is because I am still forcing myself to do things I use to love or being around family.

Jewelskris

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4h

I understand this so much! I’ve been feeling this way too. I’m just trying my best everyday, but I cry most days struggling with this OCD. The things that pop in my head I just can’t understand why. I’m trying so hard. At least we know we are not alone. Giving my best to all of us.

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