Can a false memory feel like you're remembering something in your past that you completely forgot about? Mine is about doing something harmful / inappropriate but I didn't remember it for 16 years. Is that possible?
YES omg. I’m going through an episode and keep combing through my memories to find “evidence” of being a bad person. Most stuff I’ve never thought about before, at least in this context. Completely understand and yes, it is very possible.
That's similar to what happened to me! I had a bad harm false memory and my brain kept throwing things at me to "prove" that I was capable of harm. Some real memories came up, but I don't know whether this one thing is a real memory or not. If it's real, I somehow went 16 years without having a single thought about it. Some days I am certain it's real, and other days I'm certain it's false. OCD sucks.
This is such a painful OCD loop, and I’m sorry you’re stuck in it right now. ❤️ I struggle with memory-related doubt too, and one thing I’ve learned is that trying to determine whether something is a “real memory” or a “false memory” can become the compulsion itself. You can replay it, search your memory, analyze how vivid it feels, ask yourself why you never remembered it before, look for evidence, ask other people if something like this is possible… and somehow you end up LESS certain than when you started. I don’t want to tell you whether this particular memory is true or false because I think that would just give OCD another answer to analyze. And I’d be careful with anyone giving you a definite “yes, that’s false memory OCD” for the same reason. Something my ERP work has been teaching me is that sometimes I have to leave it at, “I don’t know exactly what happened, and I’m not going to solve it right now.” Which can feel absolutely horrible when the fear involves something that goes against your values. Try to be gentle with yourself today. You don’t have to reconstruct 16 years ago tonight. ❤️
@Rumination_Station i’m struggling w this atm ): and it’s something shameful
@moccalate i’m really sorry you’re dealing with that right now :( the shame part can make it feel SO isolating too, because it can make you feel like you can’t even tell anyone what your brain is stuck on. you definitely don’t have to tell me what the thought/memory is, but I hope you know you can talk about the fact that you’re struggling without having to explain or defend the content of it. one thing I’m learning in ERP is that trying to prove to myself whether something did or didn’t happen usually just pulls me further into the loop. which SUCKS because obviously your brain is screaming at you to figure it out, especially when the subject feels shameful. sometimes the work is literally just noticing ‘I’m trying to solve this again’ and choosing not to keep investigating it. I know that’s a lot easier to type than it is to actually do lol. but seriously, I hope you’re being gentle with yourself while you’re going through it ❤️
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